All the Way and Then Some
by Scarlet Ibis
Summary: Loves Last Glimpse Nominee Takes place during the ep “All the Way.” This time, Dawn doesn’t get into candy corn mischief, leaving Buffy to actually go visit Spike and have some quality time... not a PWP. A rewrite of s6.
1. Friends

Feeling lonely and out of place, Buffy walked the streets of Sunnydale. For the night, all was as it should be. No demons, or vamps, or demons and vamps created by crazy magics by Ethan Rayne. Everyone was out having fun, or at her house celebrating. Except for her. _Yup. Cause Slayers didn't get to be happy. Even if they died, served their time, they had to be brought back again by their friends and the crazy notion that I was in friggin' hell! No, calm down Buffy. They didn't know._

Seeing some happy couples out and about, she felt even lonelier. And gloomy. Anya going on about finding that perfect someone in all dimensions. _Yea right. It was all… a bunch of phooey. Yea, phooey._

With nothing much to do, and nowhere to go, Buffy decided to go visit Spike.

"Slayer. Didn't expect to see you here tonight. Thought you'd be uh… busy."

"Yeah. Well, there was a lot of commotion at the house. A mini party actually."

"Party? For who?"

"Xander and Anya are engaged. They just announced it tonight."

"Really? Kinda shocking innit?"

"Shocking? Why do you say that?"

"S' just, usually people from troubled homes have problems with long term commitments. Such as marriage."

"And why do you say that, Dr. Phil?"

"Come on, Buffy. I lived with Xander, remember? Calling his family 'dysfunctional' would be a compliment."

"Well, Xander did seem kinda nervous… But Anya was like glowing. Going on and on about meeting her one special person in all dimensions. It was kinda sweet."

"Meeting that 'one special person,' eh?" He said skeptically as he lit a cigarette. "This bein the Hellmouth and all, I say they've got a fifty- fifty chance at it."

"Hey, it's not nice to rain on their parade."

"Just saying love. Look at me. Nearly 120 years with Dru flushed down the bloody toilet after coming here. You and Peaches, Red and Dog boy… Just seems to be goin around, is all."

"I think it'll work out this time." Buffy said, trying to convince Spike as well as herself. She sat down on the comfy chair and waited for him to say something.

"So, what do you fancy for the evening, pet?"

"I dunno. No point to go patrolling, really. Nothing to fight. Just thought that maybe, ya know."

"Know what?"

"You know- hang out maybe?" Spike thought she looked absolutely adorable. All uncertain and wide eyed, waiting to see if he would accept her offer or reject it. _Should bloody know by now I can't say no to her._ He gave her a slight smirk.

"Uh huh. Well, no objections here. Wanna drink? I've got tequila."

"Nah, I'm good."

"So… what d'ya wanna do then?"

"You know what was nice? What I miss? When we used to spar. I mean, I know it's kinda difficult now, but wanna try again anyway? For old times sake? 'Cept this Halloween, I know who I am and I'm not all weak and helpless." She said in an awfully chipper voice.

"Yea alright." He said with a shrug. "Outside?"

"Of course. Wouldn't wanna mess up your set up." She rose from her chair, stretching a bit before heading towards the door.

"Ha, ha Buff." He said dryly as he grabbed his duster, following her outside.

"No, I mean it. It's homey. I like how you've changed it. I feel more comfortable here than in my own home. Which is weird, but I guess somehow makes all the sense in the world, huh?"

"So, is it bad? You hangin out here with me?" She turned and looked at him with confusion written all over her face.

"Bad? I thought we had fun together. Even when we hated each other. Annoying, but fun." He sighed in exasperation, slightly shaking his head.

"No, I mean, do you feel… guilty? Bein here with me." He clarified. This time, it was he who was uncertain and doubtful. On impulse, she grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly.

"I feel… comfortable when I'm with you. I can be myself. We're friends, Spike. And besides, you're the only one who knows my deepest, darkest secret. I feel like you're the only one I can talk to. But then, it's been like that for awhile now, hasn't? You with the showing up when I'm alone, either giving me the brutal beating of honesty, or being a listening ear." She smiled at him. He smiled shyly back at her.

"I'm glad that you feel comfortable sharing things with me. It means a lot, to me." He said, giving her was of those sincere, penetrating looks of his. It made her internally shiver. She felt all… tingly. Letting go of his hand and breaking the moment, she asked, "Spar now?" They both automatically dropped into fighting stances; Spike changed into game face.

"Oh, Slayer. I will have your blood." He said jokingly, accompanied by a very toothy grin. She smiled, holding her stake upside down in a striking position.

"That'll be pretty hard when you're floatin in the wind, vamp." Laughing and giggling, they threw mock kicks and punches at each other. After several minutes of really getting into it and thinking that there was enough safe distance between them, Spike performed a perfect spin kick, accidentally connecting with the side of Buffy's face. She was knocked to the ground with an "oomph."

Immediately concerned with her well being, Spike's game face melted away. He dropped to his knees before her to see if she was alright, apologies already coming from his mouth. Seeing that she was okay, he realized that no pain had come _his_ way.

"Gee, Spike. We were just playing. Why'd you hit me so hard? God, I hope it doesn't bruise. You and those damnable Doc Martens." She complained, sitting up and holding her face.

"You sure you okay Buffy?" He asked with a furrow of his brow.

"Yea. It really wasn't that hard. It just caught me off guard. You must be getting soft in your old age." Ignoring the friendly jibe at him, Spike wanted to see if it was a fluke or not. He pinched her arm. With a shocked "Owww! That hurt!" she slapped his hand away.

"What was that for!" She was now becoming a bit pissed off.

"Buffy, I don't think my chip is working."

"Huh?"

"I didn't get a mind splitting headache just now. Or when I accidentally kicked you. Chip must be busted or something."

"Busted?" She asked worriedly, immediately getting up. Spike swallowed hard as he watched her face, clearly in concentration as to what it all meant.

"So what do we do now?" Buffy asked, but he had a feeling she already had some unsavory ideas in mind.

"Don't do that please."

"Do what?"

"Well, look at you. Your arms all folded tightly against your chest, and you're gripping your stake. You're shutting me out before we even discuss this thing!" Buffy looked down at herself and quickly took a more relaxed stance.

"Spike, just calm down, okay?"

"Calm? Well how calm would you be if I was standing here looking at you like this?" Immediately, he mirrored her earlier position and gave her a hard stare. She felt herself shivering again.

"Alright, you made your point." Spike nodded, dropping his arms and putting his hands in his pockets. Giving her one of those kicked puppy looks, he asked her in a quiet voice, "I thought we were friends, pet. Deepest darkest, secrets and all that? Now you know one of mine."

"I know, but Spike-"

"Buffy, you know that I would never hurt you. Or Dawnie, or the Scoobies. I know what you're thinking. But believe me, I would never give you a reason to seriously use that stake on me. I'm not like that anymore."

"Spike, I know that. And for the record… I don't think I could stake you. I can't explain it, but… honestly, I don't even want to think about it. If it ever came down to it, I would hope that you would leave town first." Gaining courage at her admission, he stepped into her personal space, and grabbed her hand.

"I thought friends were supposed to help each other. Keep each other's secrets and all that. As long as there's no hair braiding whatsoever." He said, his eyes downcast as he stroked her hand with his thumb.

"Actually, I like what you're doing to your hair. That slight curly look. I think you should go all curly." She then ran her fingers through the platinum locks.

"Well, if it pleases the lady…" Bringing their clasped hands up and gently grasping her waist with his free hand, Spike began to move them around performing the waltz. Buffy stumbled along with him.

"Friends can dance together as well, right?"

"Yea, even though I'm a total ditz at this."

"No worries, I'll teach you."

"Spike?"

"Yea love?"

"I'm glad we're friends." And for the remainder of the evening, all chip talk ceased. The two friends decided to focus on having a good time.


	2. Heart Strings

Buffy wasn't sure if it was against her better judgment, or was her better judgment avoiding Spike for the past three days. She knew that the whole waltz thing was mostly a distraction on his part, which she gladly fell into, but when she walked home that night, she still had a few doubts about the whole "chip is now officially busted" thing. She didn't know what to say to him, exactly. So she figured by not seeing him, she didn't have to. It saddened as well as worried her. Saddened, because she missed him and his company. Worrying, because she had no idea what he had been up to. The Slayer part of her suspected something devious, and that he was merely biding his time, but friend Buffy told Slayer Buffy to just shut the hell up and get over herself. Plus, Spike was way impatient. Waiting wasn't his thing. But, when all the singing began going on around the town, she thought that maybe he'd have some useful info, and it would be a legitimate reason to see him and still avoid the whole chip issue.

After opening the crypt door, a small, pleased smile graced her face. She noticed that for the evening, he had gone all curly.

"Sun sets and she appears. Come to serenade me?"

"So you know what's going on?"

"Seen some damn funny things the last two days. 600 pound Chirago demon makin' like Yma Sumac. That one will stay with you. I remained immune, happy to say. Drink?" He asked, holding up a bottle.

"A world of no. So, any ideas on what's causing this?"

"So, that's all you came for then? We're just gonna ignore the fact that you haven't been by here the past few days, or patrolling with me. Surprised you weren't out and about following me, thinking I might do something dastardly and evil. Well sorry to disappoint, Slayer. Not in the mood for twenty questions." He said, opening the door for her to leave.

"You're all bad moody." She said, completely ignoring everything he just said. _That was Buffy for ya- Queen of Avoidance._ Shaking his head with a roll of his eyes, he gave an exasperated sigh. He could feel something taking control of him, and he began to desperately hope that she would just get up and leave before _it_ happened.

"It's nothing. Glad you could stop by."

"What?" She prodded. _Damn her._

"S'nothing." And then _it_ happened. He started to sing.

I died  
So many years ago.  
But you can make me feel  
Like it isn't so.  
And why you come to be with me  
I think I finally know.  
Mmm-mmm.

You're scared;   
Ashamed of what you feel  
And you can't tell the ones you love-  
You know they couldn't deal.  
Whisper in a dead man's ear   
It doesn't make it real.  
That's great.

But I don't wanna play.  
'Cause being with you touches me  
More than I can say.  
_Don't let me be just dead to you;  
Don't keep me at bay.  
Don't let our friendship cease._

Let me be your beast.  
My feelings run deep.  
Let me give my love to you, Buffy.  
My heart- you can keep.  
I love to make you smile,  
But your guilt- you won't release.  
Just let me be your beast.

You know, you got a willing slave.  
_Could drive a stake through my dead heart  
Your life, I wish I'd saved.  
What can I do  
To get through to you?  
Love I willingly gave.  
Just let me be your beast._

I know I should go.  
But I follow you like a man possessed.  
There's a traitor here beneath my breast,  
And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed.  
If my heart could beat, it would break my chest.  
_But now you see, cause I've confessed.  
Don't leave, Buffy._

Let me be your beast.  
My feelings run deep.  
Let me give my love to you, Buffy.  
My heart- you can keep.  
I'd love to make you smile  
But your guilt- you won't release.  
Just let me be your beast.  
Why won't you let me be your beast?

Throughout the song, they ended up in a grave, her lying on top of him. For a moment, he thought that she was going to kiss him after his declaration. Then that look of cold fear entered her eyes. She hastily got up and out of the grave, running as fast as she could. _Hell, she might as well have been screaming too._ Even so, he poked his head up and asked to her rapidly retreating form, "So, you're not staying then?"

Bloody, soddin' hell! A guy spills his guts out, and what does he get? A deer caught in the headlights look, and she just runs away. How could she not say anything!

"Damn it!" Spike yelled, kicking off the top part of a head stone as he stormed back to his crypt. The first thing he did when he got there was slick his hair back again.

"Curls are for ponces. And I for one am not one. But I guess it's so easy for her to forget that, huh? I am still the Big Bad, and I deserve some bloody respect! Oh, why'd she have to hear me sing that song?" Feeling quite torn between helping the Slayer or finding out whatever beastie was making the town burst into song, or pretending for the evening that Buffy didn't even exist, with a frustrated growl, he decided to head back out and help her. Besides, knocking a few heads together always made him feel better.

In less than an hour, he found a demon resembling a large puppet. Considering that it was weird and wicked suspicious, even though it was Sunnydale after all, he slapped the puppet around a bit until he began to sing a song about his master having Dawn in captivity. The puppet man didn't resist Spike as he brought him to the Magic Box. When confronted with the Slayer however, there was no song. All he did was talk in a very monotonous tone.

"Well, if that's all you have to say then-" With a burst of strength the puppet man hadn't used on Spike earlier when he first found him, he harshly pushed Spike out of the way before fleeing.

"Strong. Maybe someday he'll be a real boy." Spike listened to the Scoobies and the Watcher, becoming ever shocked and pissed as all hell. _They all were just gonna abandon Buffy! Just like that!_ Well, he surely wouldn't.

"Forget them, Slayer. I've got your back." She looked at him with sad eyes.

"No, Spike. I need to do this alone." _And I _so_ don't wanna burst into song around you… He slicked his hair back again. He so did that just to spite me! Damn him._

He couldn't believe it! The only one who would stay by her side- _help_ her, and she just pushes him away? _Oh, they were "friends," huh? Yea bloody right_! She still wasn't over the whole chip thing. Or the fact that he accidentally confessed his love to her- again. _In a song no less. Damn, meddling, musical controlling demon._

"Fine. I hope you dance till you burn. You and the little bit."

Buffy hadn't meant to hurt his feelings. She really hadn't. But Spike would be nothing but a distraction. Okay, that wasn't completely true, but she just couldn't deal with him right now. _I mean, if I burst into song, he might find out how I_ really felt. I don't even know how I really feel. Though hearing him sing again- that would be a real treat. He has an amazing voice... Buffy, wanting to take no chances, decided to walk alone.

But soon after she got there and began her song, the Scoobies came. She wasn't sure if it was unfortunate or not, for she knew that eventually in her song that she would reveal the truth of where she had been. As she sang the words "There was no pain; no fear nor doubt. Till they pulled me out- of Heaven. I think I was in Heaven." Seeing the expressions of shock and grief on their faces, she no longer cared. It felt freeing saying that aloud to them. And what did it matter anyway? She soon after began dancing, so fast, she felt as if she were caught on fire. _It won't take long._ She began to dance, faster, and faster, and faster and- she stopped. _Spike._ He stopped her.

Spike had shown up a little bit after Buffy, but before the Scoobies. At first he was going to help her kill the puppet demons, but she needed no help. Besides, the last thing he wanted was to burst into song again, asking her to forgive him for being such a git. _Yea, right._ And he ached for her, as she sang about Heaven to her friends. It must've been awful hard for her to say it to them. Even though, she probably had no control over herself. But when she started to dance herself into oblivion, probably hoping she was on her way back to Heaven instead of Hell, and he saw that not one of the damned Scoobies were going to do anything to stop her, he stepped in, with a song in his heart.

"You have to go on living. So one of us is living." She looked sad, and yet relived at the same time seeing him there. She let him stroke her hair. She let him be close. And just when it looked like she might consider kissing him, the red demon named Sweet decided to break the moment. _Bastard._

_And who was the bloody cause of all this? Harris; of course_ he'd_ be the cause of all this wonkiness. Idiot._

And then the big group sing. _God, what was with this?_ Damn Sweet was gone, why were they still singing? Luckily, Spike bumped into a pillar, breaking the spell for him.

_Thank god._ "Bugger this." 

Buffy, seeing Spike leave, willed herself to stop singing. She needed to talk to him. Damn the risk of singing a song to him. She didn't want him to walk away from her. She followed him out to the alley.

"Spike-"

"You should go back in with the rest, Slayer. Finish the big, group sing; get your 'koom by ya ya's' out." _Just go back Buffy to your lil' friends, whom you desperately seek approval._

"Spike." _Just let me talk to you._

"Look, the day you suss out what you do want, I'm sure there'll be a parade- 76 bloody trombones." _Oh god, feels like I'm gonna sing again. Just walk away, Spike. Dammit!_

"Spike-" _Just shut up and let me speak! Geeze!_

"Look, Slayer-" _Get out; I have get out now before-_

"I touch the fire and it freezes me." _Listen to me._

"I died, so many years ago." _Look at her. God, she's beautiful. Sod singing the song. She's talking to me. She just wants to be with me._

"This isn't real. But I just wanna feel." _Understand now?_

"But you can make me feel."_ 'Isn't real?' Oh, who bloody cares._

And then it happened- not only did they sing together, but their first, real kiss. And the bloody singing spell didn't make her do it either. And somewhere, he could here the trumpets blasting for them.

Buffy let herself go and kissed him, and enjoyed it immensely. _God, I don't remember him being this good a kisser._ She felt light headed, in a good way. And just to think, that several minutes ago, she was ready to literally dance herself to death. Her closest friends, her sister, and Giles, who was like a father to her, had not even attempted to stop her. No one but Spike. And suddenly, she didn't care about his busted chip, or his love for her. She thought idly to herself that maybe, just maybe, she was could fall in love with him too someday...


	3. Solitude

A/N: I assume, thought that season six had so much potential and could have been really, really great. They finally give us what all of the Spuffy fans wanted, and then the writers repeatedly bitch slapped us in the face with it, making Buffy feel ashamed and abusive towards Spike- Spike telling her she belongs in the dark with him, and Buffy making him crazy enough to try and rape her. So, after all this time, I wanted to know when it was they started taking a turn in the utterly wrong direction.

I felt that "All the Way" was the perfect place to start, before the kiss, before the denial, and before Buffy's "don't call me 'luv,' Spike." I thought that if that one small change where Buffy actually hangs out with Spike on Halloween, changing the events just so, that maybe, we all could get a better season six here. That was all I was trying to do. And I especially think that "As You Were" needed a serious rewrite- I mean Riley, total BARF.

And on with the fic...

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

It had been nearly twenty-four hours since she had last seen him. Twenty-four hours since their interrupted make out session. Just as they were really getting into it, the Scoobies had finished their "big group sing" and (uneasily) began to leave the Bronze. As soon as Buffy heard the door open, she pulled away from Spike.

"Later. I promise. I have to get Dawn home." Giving her a look of shock (at her promising later) and understanding (now wasn't the time to deal with whatever it was that was transpiring between them), he gave her his infamous head tilt (that she found oh, so sexy) and a nod before turning away. _Why couldn't there have been a coda at the end of their song?_ She thought ruefully as she watched him walk down the alley. If the gang had sung at least one more time, she and Spike would have had more time with the kissage.

"Buffy, can we-" Willow started, but Buffy cut her off.

"Not now, guys. It's been a long night, and day. We should all just go home and get some sleep. Dawn?" Buffy motioned for the younger Summers to follow after her. Dawn asked her no questions on the walk home. It had been a long night after all.

Buffy spent all of the next day avoiding her friends and family. But then, they seemed to be avoiding her as well. Particularly Willow. What could she, or any of them say? Sorry wouldn't do, no take backs, so it was useless.

After school let out, Dawn attempted to corner her, but Buffy dodged that bullet by feigning a headache, and saying that she needed to lie down. Dawn knew that she was lying, and Buffy knew that Dawn knew, but shocking both of them, instead of throwing one of her tantrums and yelling, "I'm not a stupid, little kid, ya know!" and stomping off to her room, Dawn gave her a sad smile and a little nod, letting her sister be. Buffy was grateful.

As soon as the sun set, Buffy proved that old habits truly did die hard by sneaking out of her bedroom window to go see a certain vampire. Except this time around, it was Spike. To her dismay, however, he wasn't in his crypt. After about twenty minutes of patrolling, well, really she was looking for him, he finally found her. But she was so lost in her thoughts (which were undoubtedly about him), he inadvertently snuck up on her, causing her to raise her stake at him. He leaned back, fearing she may actually strike him for some reason or other. _Can never tell with her. Bloody hot and cold…_ She put down her stake, slightly offended that he'd think she'd hurt him. She said nothing.

" 'Ello, pet. Thought that maybe we could talk?" Feeling a bit angry at him, or perhaps once again making excuses, she replied, "Vocal chord wise, yes. With each other? No." She turned away from him.

"Buffy-" He grabbed her arm, making her turn and face him.

"Here I am, looking utterly stupid. Coming out here and, and searching for you! But oh- you were no where to be seen! And then, and then you come and find me, only to flinch at me cause you thought I was gonna hit you!" she yelled, incredulous.

"I didn't know what to expect, did I? And I wasn't hiding. Well, from you anyway." He said as an after thought.

"Well, maybe you should expect for me to never touch or kiss you ever again, Spike. Not ever. Never!" As soon as he gave her an expression of hurt on his chiseled features, she launched herself at him, knocking him to the ground. She was straddling his waist and laying on top of him. Then he realized it was for all the wrong reasons when he saw his old shark demon "pal" with his two lackeys. He had just thrown a huge stake at him.

"Now, easy, boys. No need to get physical. Now is there, Mr. Spike?" _Buffy saved me? Wasn't that usually reserved for the likes of Peaches and Captain Cardboard? Huh._ After all her ranting and raving of never touching him ever again…. _Hot and cold; right._

"You know this guy?" _Of course he does. It's Spike, after all._

"Yea. What do you want." _Oh great. This had to happen right now. Buffy judges me enough already. Now I'm gonna get bloody criticized for this too. Oh, balls._

"Take it easy. You'll get your kittens."

"Oh god, what is it with you guys? Why kittens? Why can't you use money like everybody else?" _Knew it; criticism. Can never cut a guy a bit of slack, can she?_

"She's funny. I like funny in a girl."

"I just need a little more time."

"Time, time. Time is what turns kittens into cats. Look, I don't wanna see anyone get hurt. Boys?" The shark demon turned his back on them as the two vampire minions approached Spike. _What? He thinks I'm just going to stand here and let him attack my boyf- I mean Spike?_

"Then you'd better close your eyes." Buffy quickly handled to the two vamps with ease. She gave them a pass on a staking, since they were strictly in the kitten business. They weren't an eminent threat to society, just Spike. Well, sort of.

"I sensed she was the Slayer, Boss." The taller vamp said, justifying his (albeit brief) ass kicking.

Spike was touched that Buffy was so protective of him. It was incredibly sweet, especially since they both knew that he was fully capable of protecting himself from a couple of vamps. He smiled at her from behind. _Aah, my sweet Buffy._ Because she was so gung ho on protecting him, and because he couldn't pay up just yet, Spike stealthily snuck away, leaving the three of them to deal with her. It would buy him some time, after all.

"Boss, he's gone."

"What?"

"Spike has split." _What? He just left? Before we even got to talk? That total jerk!_

"Oh, it was a genuine pleasure." The shark demon said, chomping his jaws at her as he left. Buffy sighed aloud to no one.

"If I would stop saving his life, it would simple things up so much." _Of course, it could also help if I didn't care about him. Damn it._

Buffy couldn't believe what she had just heard. Giles was leaving- abandoning her. Not that she should be shocked, really. It was bound to happen eventually, right? But still, how could he after everything that he knows? How did he come to the utterly insane conclusion that she'd be stronger without him? If anything, she'd end up even more smothered by the gang than before without him there. But then, he hadn't exactly been by her side the past few weeks. _What does he want me to do? And listen to him, talking so nonchalant as if it were no big deal. Maybe it isn't- to him. Why should I expect any more from him when my father, who I share genes and blood with, abandoned me as well? _

Hey dad? Mom died. I really need you here. You coming to the funeral? Oh, you're much too busy? Gee, I understand.

Hey Giles? I was in Heaven, and since my friends ripped me from there, I've been so depressed that I nearly committed suicide by dancing myself into flames. Oh, I'll be stronger by myself, you say? Gee, I understand now. Go on to a whole other time zone across the vast ocean. I'll be peachy. Uh huh. Fine. Buffy couldn't take it anymore.

"Why don't you just cut to the chase? Tell them how you're-" Spike entered the Magic Box in that moment; he was a much needed distraction.

"Spike."

"Holey Moley." Giles and Anya said back to back.

"You need to give me asylum." He burst into the shop in all his smoking glory (what was that suit?), ever the reminder to Buffy that he was a vampire. Her mortal enemy. A vampire she had never been able to, and probably never would or could be able to kill. In some crazy twist of fate, Spike snuck up on her and turned out to be her equal. _Of course, I could never tell him that. He looks so adorable in that suit. Odd, and a little watchery, but cute._

As soon as Spike walked in, his eyes scanned the room for Buffy. She was directly in front of him across the room, sitting on the stairs. Her arms were crossed protectively in front of her. _She's doing that whole emotional shut down thing again._ And she looked pretty down.

"No need to get cute." Spike said to Harris as he walked towards her, stopping at the glass display case and sitting atop it. Close to her, but not so close that she'd feel smothered. A smothered Slayer would more than likely try to pick a fight- with him more than likely.

"Nasty fellow, him…" Spike's main goal in telling about his sharky friend was for two reasons: to explain why he needed the Nancy Boy threads, and to maybe get a grin out of Buffy. All he got was an eye roll and a turn of the head. Well, a bloke had to try, didn't he? But when he heard what Giles had to say, he could see why Buffy was so down. _Nope. Not gonna be an easy fix. How could Giles? Leaving her just like that?_ Spike shook his head. He expected better from the Watcher. _I mean, he's like a bloody father to her. And here she is, feelin' all betrayed and the like from her friends, and he goes and adds himself to the bleeding list of betrayal by leaving her. Stupid git._

"For real this time? Cause honest to Pete, a young shop keeper's heart can only take so much. I mean, not that I want you to go-"

"I can't do this, I…" Spike's heart went out to her. It may be undead and no longer beating, but he knew all too well about abandonment. And having a sickly mum, utter humiliation, being labeled, and losing your first great love. They had a lot in common, and he silently promised that he would help her through this, no matter how hard she might try to push him away. _God knows she will try…_

"It's like I'm dying, and-" But before Buffy could finish what she had to say, or Spike on coming up with a plan on how to help her, they all took a several hour nap.


	4. Blank Slate

Thanks MyBlondieBear and Shadow of a Good Girl :D

Tabula Rasa  
Etymology: Latin, smoothed or erased tablet  
1: the mind in its hypothetical primary blank or empty state before receiving outside impressions  
2: something existing in its original pristine state

"Blank Slate"

Realization dawned on them all- none of them knew who they were. The dark haired guy seemed to be taking it the hardest.

"Take it easy, guy. None of look all hatchedy murdery, so we should be okay here, wherever here is." The group discovered that they had all passed out in a magic shop. When the red head suggested that maybe something magical happened, the older man started saying all of these words that she didn't quite get. He made the discovery that he was British and wore glasses. That's when the platinum, sexy guy behind the display case started talking- well, insulting the older man for being British. Turns out he was British too.

"Oh god. I'm English." He said with dismay.

"Welcome to the Nancy tribe." The older Brit said.

"You don't suppose we're related, do you?" He asked, walking closer to the man. They eyed each other somewhat warily.

"There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance." The young blonde woman said, looking appreciatively at the two. The older man looked almost bashful. Then he had a look of concentration.

"Well, you do bring on feelings of familiarity, and… disappointment? Older brother?" The younger Brit "pffted" at that. He gave him a look of disdain.

"Father. God, how I must hate you." Somehow, that made sense to the young, blonde Brit. Being related to the older man, his son no less, seemed to be right. Even though it somehow seemed to piss him off just a bit. _Well, suppose it's typical feeling that way towards the old man, right? Daddy dearest... Probably resent him for leaving mum, whoever she is, for the young bint._ Somehow, he figured that his dad hadn't shown much love for him in the past. He had this niggling feeling in the back of his brain that his father just didn't seem to care that much. _Probably cause he's feelin' the effects of being middle aged._ He became especially mad upon discovering that his father christened him Randy.

"I think our best bet is the hospital." Joan said, ever assertive.

"Looks like Joan fancies herself the boss." And somehow, that didn't strike Randy as odd. In fact, it seemed to suit her- authority and power and all that. _Looks damn sexy on her. Randy Randy…_

"No worries. I'm sure Daddy has some sort of midlife crisis transport. Something red, shiny, shaped like a penis." It was almost as if he couldn't help himself from taking jibes at his old man. It seemed natural. And good ol' Rupert didn't seem to mind one bit. Just when things seemed to be looking up, well, as good as a whole bunch of amnesiacs trying to find a hospital went, they opened the door to find two demons blocking their way. After lots of yelling and slamming the door, and figuring out that they were indeed dealing with vampires, they tried to devise a plan of escape.

"They seem to want spikes." Rupert said. Randy, looking as if a light bulb had went off in his head, went and retrieved what looked like wooden spikes.

"Let's give 'em these, then." He said to the group.

"Good show." His father said, pleased at his son's cleverness.

"Slayer! Come out and play!" One of the vamps yelled from the outside.

"Slay her. That's just what they said before! They- they're gonna use the spikes to-" Tara started, but was then cut off by a now furious Joan.

"To slay someone. A female someone. Who do those jerks think they are!" Joan could feel the fury rise within her. It almost felt as if… she should be doing something about those vampires out there, but she wasn't sure what.

When Willow and Alexander returned, informing them of the trap door in the basement, they tried to sneak away. Of course, it's never that easy, is it? The two vamps burst into the shop, all fists and fangs. One forcefully threw Randy against a glass cabinet, the other grabbing Joan- covering her mouth and her sudden stream of expletives.

"You owe us!" Randy didn't know what the hell he was talking about. Couldn't the vamp see the utter confusion on Randy's sweet face? Obviously not.

"Who?"

"The boss's kittens."

"Kittens."

"Get your hands off me, you son of a-" Joan yelled. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that the vampire was no longer talking to Randy, but was about to physically attack him. It was then that this multitude of bells and whistles went off in her head. It was like this cold fear gripped her when she saw that he was going to harm Randy. It was something in her subconscious that she couldn't fight, so she went with it. Escaping the vampire's strong grasp on her, she kicked him hard in the shins before running over to Randy's aid.

"Hey! Stay away from Randy!" She roughly grabbed the evil vampire by his shoulder and turned him around. Before she even knew what she was doing, the wooden spike was embedded in the vamp's chest. He turned to dust. Joan stood there in shock for a moment, perplexed as well as pleased at her actions.

"The boss ain't gonna like this. I'll be back!" The other vampire weakly threatened as he backed as quickly as possible his knees still hurt away from them and out the door. While the others merely stood looking stupefied at what just happened, it didn't faze Randy at all. He was the only one with sense to close and lock the door and pull down the gate in front of the window. Somehow, Joan's extraordinary abilities didn't shock him. He somewhat expected it.

"I think I know why Joan's the boss. I'm like a super hero or something." She said more to herself than the others, looking down at her stake. As they all looked at her in wonder, Alexander chose that second to faint. As the small group clustered around him to see if he was okay, Randy slowly approached a still astonished Joan.

"Hey uh, Joan. Thanks for what you did for me back there." He said, sheepishly looking at his shoes and scratching the back of his neck. He had this strong urge for a cigarette then. Joan gave him a shy smile.

"Oh, it's okay. Actually, I couldn't help myself, really. It was like, I couldn't let you be hurt. I had not only this, this instinct with the stabbing that vampire in the chest, but when it looked like he was going to hurt you… It felt personal, you know?" Randy looked at her and returned her smile.

"Yeah luv, know what you mean. Think we have some sort of connection as well?"

"I'm almost sure of it. What else could it be?" He got lost in her eyes then; he felt as if he were drowning in them.

"Oh god! It wasn't some hellish nightmare!" Alexander exclaimed, breaking the moment. Joan then began to devise a plan. She then came to the conclusion that she and Randy should lead the monsters away from the others to ensure their safety, since they only wanted him anyway. She was pretty sure she could protect him. After all, what just happened was like natural instinct.

"That's your plan?" Randy asked, sounding very much skeptical.

"Yes." She said matter of factly, looking at him.

"Right." He said in agreement. His subconscious was telling him to trust Joan. That and he was sure that he could never in a million years deny her of whatever she wanted.

"Randy- son. Come here." His father gently commanded.

"Oh, right." He said, giving the man an awkward hug goodbye.

"Right."

"Good." They said to each other. It was a lot simpler than a good bye. They were "stuffy, old Englishmen" after all.

"Ready Randy?"

"Ready Joan." Joan couldn't help the feeling of normalcy this brought within her- she and Randy going out against the monsters of the night. Then all of a sudden, her Randy "comfort zone" feelings were smashed to smithereens when she turned and saw that he was- one of them.

"Hey! I'm a super hero too!" With a look of abject horror, Joan gave a shriek of terror before running away. She was confused and scared. Randy didn't give her any deep sense of fear, so how could she not have known that he was one of them? She didn't bother to think about it, and decided to just flee instead.

"Hey, Joan, wait up!" Randy yelled after quickly dispatching of the vampires. Then he quickly ran after her. Not even realizing what he was doing, he sniffed out her scent to find out which direction she ran off to for certain. Within a matter of minutes, he caught up with a now slowly walking Joan.

"Joan-" He said, gently touching her shoulder. Instead of turning around, she grabbed his arm and flipped him over onto the ground. She quickly straddled him, with the stake to his chest. Something in her head couldn't shake the familiarity of the position in which they were in.

"Wait, what are you doing!" He asked, his voice having this different sound to it as he spoke through his fangs. Joan noticed the ripples of his forehead, his sharp teeth, his yellow eyes, and found herself unafraid of this…demon.

"You don't know who you are, do you?" She asked. She thought it incredibly odd. _I mean, if he's a blood sucking vampire, shouldn't he have some sort of basic instinct to hunt and kill, ask questions last? Even if he doesn't know his own name? Memory loss doesn't change who we are, it only changed what we used to know. Wait, that doesn't make sense… Well, if I still have this basic instinct to- to slay, then shouldn't he still have one to kill?_

"None of us do, that's why-"

"You're a vampire."

"What? I, me, a vampire? No."

"Check the lumpies. And the teeth." With a roll of his eyes, he did as she told him. After feeling the now very much unfamiliar contours of his face and pointy teeth, he checked for a pulse. He had none. _She's right._

"I kill your kind." She said somberly.

"And I bite yours. So how come I don't wanna bite you?" Joan had to admit that she didn't want to kill him either. She wanted to do other things that she so was not gonna think about right then. _Totally inappropriate._

"And why am I chasing other vampires?" They both held looks of confusion at his questions. It didn't make sense. Sitting up a bit, he looked at her.

"I must be a newer kind of vampire. I must be a vampire with a soul." He wasn't sure where that idea had come from exactly, but somehow, it made sense. Even though he couldn't remember it, he knew he had strong feelings for the strong woman sitting atop him. But vampires were evil and soulless, and he wished no ill will towards Joan whatsoever. So he had to have a soul for those kinds of feelings, right? Maybe that's why they had such a connection, and-

"A vampire with a soul? Oh my god, how lame is that?" It did sound totally lame. Joan was hoping more along the lines of that somehow he willingly chose to convert to the side of light for his father's sake, and maybe for any potential feelings he may have had for her. She was sure she had some for him too, but because he had a soul? _God, how shallow would I have to be to be with someone under a stipulation like that? I think that Randy would be okay even without a soul. I sure don't think he has one…_


	5. Rude Awakening

"He's a monster, but if he likes you, he'd be your monster, and he would protect you above all things. But he is a monster. I don't think women mind if he's a monster as long as he's their monster. Take note guys", he grins, "You can get away with anything as long as it's all for her!" - James Marsters

"Rude Awakenings"

SSSSSSSSSSS

"Oh my god. How lame is that?" She asked him. _How could she think such a beautiful, sacred thing as having a soul to be lame? Well perhaps, it is a bit lame_ he thought to himself. But he didn't see someone like Joan ever being with someone like him if he didn't have a soul (though he didn't know Joan was thinking pretty much the exact opposite). He decided to try and convince her.

Joan, realizing that she was sitting on him and his parts for _way_ too long, slowly got up. Randy, nearly groaning at the loss of contact, got up as well, and began his spiel on the greatness that is him and his shiny soul.

"I'm a hero, really. I mean to be cast such an ugly lot in life, and then to rise above it." He started off, pacing to and fro. Joan watched in amusement at first, pleased that he was trying so hard to keep their friendship in tact. He almost looked like a politician, what with the thumb gestures as he ticked off his points and all.

"To seek out, better, nobler things. It's inspirational, innit? The two of us, natural enemies, thrown together to stand against the forces of darkness. Lot of trust." Now Joan was simply becoming annoyed. _If there's like this abundance of trust between us, then why is he so freaked out about me all of a sudden attacking him for no reason? Didn't I explain to him at that magic store place that I felt the need to protect him? Geeze!_

"No thought of me hitting you; no thought of _you_ staking me." He said the last part of her not staking him with extra emphasis.

"Depends on how long you keep yapping." Before further conversation was able to take place, the gang of vampires showed up. Joan, on autopilot, stood right in front of Randy as if it were the most natural thing in the world. The two of them didn't even have to look at each other. It was as if this unspoken agreement were between them as they began to face off against the vampires. Randy, wanting to feel all manly, ran in front of Joan, attacking the bulk of the group of vamps. Two strays came after Joan. She was able to take out the first one easily. The two strong fighters, one a slayer, the other vampire, never took notice how well they worked together, how Randy, for the most part, kept his back to her, knowing in his deep subconscious that she would always keep a watch out for him- protecting him.

Joan felt an adrenaline rush. Even though they were being attacked by a huge group of vampires, she somehow felt it to be fun. Though she was struck many a time by her opponent, the entire situation felt like this big, learning experience. She soon got into the swing of things.

"Don't mess with the Joan the V-" Before she could finish her declaration, Willow's spell had been broken by Xander, who had stepped on the black crystal. Suddenly, Buffy's mind was slammed with all of the memories of her true reality. And nothing had felt so painful in that moment of pure, undiluted truth. She was so numb that she had not even felt the vampire hitting her, and then repeatedly kicking her in the abdomen. Her adrenaline rush was gone, and she felt as if she couldn't breathe.

"Buffy- Buffy!" Spike yelled out to her in desperation, realizing with dismay that she wasn't even trying to get up. Spike assessed the situation quickly, seeing that it wasn't that many vamps left. He dusted them quickly. Buffy still lay on the ground in a fetal position. Just as he was about to go over to her, Sharky struck a conversation with him.

"You're an odd duck, Mr. Spike. Fighting your own kind…" _I don't have time for this, you sod…_ Spike, fed up at being interrupted by some demon or other every time he wanted to talk to Buffy, grabbed the loan shark by the lapels and got up in his face.

"You'll get paid. I'm no welsher." The shark, realizing that Spike wasn't afraid, all of a sudden looked uneasy. He mumbled something to the vampire before skulking away. Nearly all of his lackeys had been dusted, after all. Spike watched him for a second before turning his attentions to Buffy. She was still lying there, looking off into space.

"You okay?" He asked her gently, reaching out his hand to help her up. Buffy looked at him and his demon face angrily. Ignoring his offered hand, she got up on her own and stormed away from him. Spike looked at her with squinted, yellow eyes. _Dammit! What does it take! I didn't bloody do anything!_ Feeling like a ponce in that suit, he headed back to his crypt and put on his usual threads. He knew the slayer wasn't heading home or to the Magic Box. _And since she isn't here, then she must be at the Bronze. Lord knows she isn't in any mood to patrol_ he reasoned. Just before he headed back out again, he allowed a few curls on his head to show- just for her.

Just as he suspected, she was sitting alone, at the bar at the Bronze. She wasn't even drinking anything, just sitting there all sorrowful. Spike approached her easily. He hadn't said a word, but she felt his presence beside her. She turned her head and looked at him, then she turned around in the opposite direction. Spike gritted his teeth before turning around and walking away.

_Where is he going?_ Buffy thought as she got off of the bar stool to follow him. She clearly expected him to just sit next to her, offering his silent support even if she _did_ blatantly ignore him. She didn't want him to go.

"Spike, where are you-"

"I've had enough, Slayer."_ He hasn't called me 'Slayer' in a long time. He must be really ticked off…_

"Here I am, trying to help you. I- I'm trying to do the right thing here, alright? But you won't cut me a bit of slack. I know that you're hurting and that you're upset and…" Spike sighed and dropped his head. He couldn't figure out what to say to get through to her. Buffy took in his defeated demeanor, and noticed that his hair was a little curly. She remembered seeing him right before he sang that song to her, and how as Randy, he still looked at her with those same, penetrating blue eyes, all soft like. He liked her when he didn't even know who he was- who _she_ was. It didn't matter. _A vampire is what he is, but not who he is. Spike is so much more than… Why didn't I see it before?_

She placed a hand tenderly on his cheek, lifting his face up. No words are spoken. He can see everything in her eyes. Just one look… Simultaneously, they lean into to each other, meeting the other half way. They give each other a long, soul kiss that seems to last for hours. In that moment to Buffy, everything felt right.

_"Goodbye to everything that I knew.  
You were the one I loved…"_

About forty-five minutes later, long after Michelle Branch had left the stage, Buffy and Spike were still making out. On several occasions, Buffy felt as if she would collapse, her knees continuously buckling from his skilled tongue (though he was only kissing her mouth). She was sure of the fact that no one in the free world could kiss like him. Every time she felt as if she would fall, he would hold on to her tighter, clasping at her lower back with his strong hands, then caressing her sides with his fingers. Buffy felt her flesh burn, her skin tingled, and yet it still felt as if _something_ were missing. Soon after having that particular thought, someone walking pass bumped into Spike, pushing the two of them closer together, making their pelvises touch. Spike, not being able to resist, slowly began to grind into her. _Oh god, that was it_ Buffy thought to herself as she began to grind into him (and his erection) as well. She threw her head back and gasped repeatedly while Spike decided to entertain himself further by kissing and nipping at her neck. And then the nipping turned into light biting, breaking Buffy from her lustful haze.

_Oh no, the chip. He's biting at my neck!_ She thought wildly. The fact that he was a vampire nearly blinded her to the fact that the reason he was probably suckling and nipping at her neck was purely a manly thing- and having absolutely nothing to do with him being a vampire. Well, maybe just a little…

She knew it was absurd and that he wouldn't hurt her, but what scared her most was that she was _enjoying_ the biting, _his_ biting, way too much. _God, he's gonna leave a mark. How will I explain to…_ She couldn't stop herself from pushing him off and away from her. He looked confused, with his hair all mussed and his eyes squinted, panting unnecessarily. While attempting to control her own breathing, she gave him an apologetic look before turning away and leaving him behind. Spike looked up at the rafters, then down at the floor, uncertain of what just happened in the last several seconds. And then realization dawned on him- the chip. _She thought that I'd actually…_ Spike laughed at the revelation that once again, Buffy doubted him and his intentions. _Right. Cause I'm the Big Bad again. Chip goes all wonky, and I'm Mr. Dangerous. Can't be trusted and all that rot. Good on you, Slayer._ He thought sarcastically as he headed towards the alley exit- in the opposite direction of which Buffy had left. "You're a tease, you know that, Slayer? Get a fellow's motor revving, let the tension marinate a bit, then bam! Crown yourself the ice queen." He thought aloud and angrily to himself. He was _through_ chasing her.

Well, he _had been_ through chasing her for the night. The next evening was an _entirely_ different day and didn't count. After checking her house and then oh so stealthily at the Magic Box and seeing that she wasn't at either place, he decided to check her usual haunts for patrol. But since she was avoiding him, she didn't turn up at any of those places either. Walking around town, he finally picked up her flowery scent, lightly coated with frustration. _Gee, wonder what Buff's all frustrated about_ he wondered sarcastically. He found her in an alley way fighting what he thought were two demons. Turns out they were human, and Spike was on the ground with a migraine the size of Texas. The two thieves immediately scampered off during the distraction.

"What the hell are you doing?" Buffy asked all in a huff, hands planted firmly on her hips. He took note of the turtle neck she was wearing. _Guess she's not too fond of vampire inflicted hickies… _

"I thought they were demons." He said irritably, standing up as he clutched his head.

"Way to go with the keen observiness, Jessica Fletcher." She said sarcastically, while mentally restraining herself from going over there to see if he was alright.

"Remind me not to help you." He said angrily, but not meaning it one bit.

"_More_ often?" She asked rhetorically. _She can really be a pain in the arse_ he thought.

_He can really be a pain in the ass_ she thought simultaneously.

"Hey. Little sympathy for the man with the mi—" He trailed off, realizing that in fact he _had_ a _migraine. The chip's _not _busted_ he thought with worry, swallowing hard. _That must mean that… she doesn't know._

"Buffy-"

"You'll just have to get your rocks off fighting demons." _How is it that nearly everything I say to him ends up having some sort of sexual connotation? Stupid Freudian slips. Stupid subconscious…_ Expecting a completely sexual innuendo response from him, she was shocked to see the look of worry on his face. He walked up to her, picked up her hand, stroked it lightly before slapping it. She jerked her hand back before slapping his arm.

"God, what is with you!" She asked, perplexed and angry.

"Buffy, the chip does work, but not on you luv." He said quietly. Her eyes grew round and wide as she involuntarily took a step back.

"What are you saying? That I- Willow brought me back wrong or something!" She asked, breathing harshly. Her heart was beating wildly, and she felt the need to sit down.

"I'm not- not saying that, luv." He said gently, reaching out to her. She stepped back some more, shaking her head. Her eyes were welled up with tears.

"Yes you are. I'm a freak. That chip is supposed to work on humans, and it doesn't work on me. It doesn't…" She wiped furiously at her eyes. _Oh god, what did Willow do? What did she do to me?_ Spike walked up to her once again, cautiously, and gripped her arms, putting his face close to hers.

"Buffy, you are not a freak, I promise you. We'll figure this out, yea? I know there's a reasonable explanation for all this. Hell, you've been your normal self anyway. What difference does it make?" She wanted so desperately to believe him, but it was too much to accept in one moment. Not saying anything, she slowly pulled away from him (once a-friggin'-gain) and slowly backed away. He stayed where he was, watching her go.


	6. Slept So Long

Buffy decided to go home and confront Willow on the whole ordeal. She was totally in the zone for a confrontation, and she had her mind set on a serious conversation with the Red head. So how did all of a sudden, sitting there with Willow in her _mom's_ old room on her _mom's_ old bed did she become meek and timid? All with the stuttering and the un-sureness of herself? She couldn't seem to focus, and how to say what was on her mind. Then Amy (who was no longer a rat) came in asking about cookies.

So maybe Willow _did_ do too much magic, but she thought she was doing the right thing. Bringing Buffy back from a "hell" dimension, putting Amy back into her human form… Buffy decided to save that whole "confrontational" conversation thingy for another day, and promptly went downstairs. 

"Hmm. Good cookies." Amy said to her with a smile, flicking the channels on TV. ,i See Buffy? Total goodness here. It's not like I can blame Willow if her spell went a little kablooey on me, and I'm not quite human… Or can I? She really didn't mean any harm and... Buffy's train of a thought abruptly ended when she saw on the news about a man that had been frozen solid. _Looks like there's a new demon in town_. With that in mind, she headed out.

Distractions. That was the one thing that was so great about the little town of Sunnydale. There was always _something_ to distract you from your own problems. It was times like this where she got to be detective/slayer, and didn't have time to think of how she may or may not be totally human. _Thank goodness for frost monster demony thingies._ Of course, when her mind was all focused on finding this new predator that likes diamonds, she came across Spike, who never lets her forget _anything_.

"Hey pet. Thought you'd be here."

"I don't have time for this right now, Spike." She said as she continued to walk, picking up the pace a little.

"Time for what, exactly? Haven't you heard? Potential new demon is out and about." He said, falling into step beside her. _Damn him and his long legs…_

"Yea? Well, it's not your concern. This is my territory. Slayer, remember?"

"And since when is it solely your territory, Slayer? I hunt demons too." She stopped walking and turned to face him with.

"And why is that, Spikey? You're a vampire, nothing more. You should play on your own team." She said in an accusatory tone, desperate for him to just leave her alone. She just didn't feel like talking. Talking meant thinking, and thinking equaled BAD.

"Don't get all snippy at me luv, just cause you don't know what team it is _you_ play for anymore." On her crestfallen look, he looked heavenward and heaved a sigh.

"Look, Buffy, you take a jab at me, I take one back. It's involuntary, really. I didn't mean it. Maybe- maybe the chip just malfunctions every once in awhile anyway, so I could be wrong." He cupped her cheek, and she didn't turn away. "I just don't get why you love taking all your frustrations out on me so much. I didn't do this. So why are you blaming me?" She gave him major pouty lip, and he remembered feeling drawn to her after the effects of that silly engagement spell. _Oh right; Willow again…_

"Because you make me feel less normal, Spike. We don't belong together. And I may or may not be human at the moment, so having a vamp boyfriend is not looking like such a good idea."

"Boyfriend?" He asked quietly, hopefully.

"You know what I meant." She said agitatedly, pulling away from him and rubbing at her cloth covered neck. He did his infamous head tilt as he eyed her.

"And what's that about, then?"

"What?"

"You and all the turtle necks, Summers. You seem to have quite a taste for them. Or is that your way of hiding some more?" He could see her jaws clicking from grinding her teeth.

"You know why. You didn't even ask me, and—"

"Oh, come now. It's no big deal. S'not the first, second, or even _third_ time that's happened. And I didn't use my fangs on either occasion."

"Yea, but you could have. And FYI, when I was brought back, all of those scars were gone. I don't want any new ones from anybody."

"Pfft."

"Pfft? Pfft what?" He stepped closer and into her personal space with that infuriating (okay, so it was totally sexy) smirk of his.

"'Pfft' as in you knew you liked it— a lot. I could smell how much you liked it. And I could hear all those lil' panting noises you were making. You wanted more." Pissed as all hell that he was right, she went back to her former ways of dealing with him and popped him in the nose before stomping away. She didn't put her Slayer strength into it at all.

"No worries, Slayer. I know what you crave. Sooner or later, you'll have it your way." _And I'll have mine too_ he thought.

"God, Spike! You so watch too much TV!" She yelled without turning around. He merely smirked in reply.

Spike, hoping for Buffy's sake that he was wrong about her "not totally human" situation, and that his chip really was on the fritz, he went to the home of the nerdiest, electronic guy that he knew- Warren Meers. _Hell, if the guy can build soddin' robots at the drop of a hat, then…_ Spike decided that intimidation was the best way to get things done. Therefore, he burst in through the door, all scary like, frightening the little nerd and his two nerdier friends. After awhile, he began to feel pathetic himself, resorting to threatening the little buggers by breaking one of their dolls. _Bloody awful, it is._

After an hour of running tests and being bored to tears by Jonathan and what's his name, Warren finally came after Spike yelled his name. As it turned out, Spike was correct. His chip was in tip top shape. "Great. Not only is something wrong with my girl, I'm still on a bloody leash." He groused to himself as he lit up a fag, heading to the nearest pay phone.

He wasn't quite ready to face her just yet. He decided to buy some time by calling and asking her to meet him at his place. That way, he wouldn't freak her out with an unplanned visit and be able to talk to her on his own turf. Yup. In order for the conversation to run smoothly, he definitely had to be comfortable. Of course in the end, all of his careful planning didn't make a lick of a difference. She was freaked out all the same by his merely calling her. What? Like he never used a bloody phone before? Did she expect him _not_ to know how to use such technology? Evidently so. _Must be mistaking me for Captain Forehead_. Being her normal Buffy self, she avoided him by hanging up on him. So Spike, assuming she would come anyway, waited, and waited, and waited some more at his crypt. He finally ran out of patience, for she never showed.

"Bloody, stubborn bint…" He muttered to himself as he headed towards the Magic Box. Lurking about in the shadows, he cautiously looked through the window and saw her at the research table with Anya and Xander. Not wanting to deal with the other two, he waited near the back door of the shop, waiting for Buffy to come out. For about fifteen minutes, he paced and muttered to himself about what he would like to say to the Slayer, which almost caused him to miss her exit. Overhearing her say goodnight to the others, he casually approached her once she was alone.

"You never showed." Spike said, trying his damnest to not use an accusatory tone, and failing horribly. Buffy, heaving a deep sigh, placed her hands on her hips while all the while not trying to restrain her look of annoyance towards him in the slightest.

"I never said I was coming, Spike. In fact, didn't I hang up you?"

"Look, I just wanted to tell you that –" He paused, clenching his jaw.

"What?" She asked, genuinely curious.

"There's no easy way to say this, luv. I found out for certain that my chip is in perfect working order. Except when it comes to you."

"So, I did come back wrong." She said in a low voice, looking away from him.

"Not wrong. Just… a bit different is all. No worries."

"Oh right. I'm not even human, Spike." She felt her eyes tearing up, and felt embarrassed for her lack of resilience. She hated feeling weak. "I'm a demon." She said helplessly.

"Hey, it's not the end of the world. I'm a demon, and I'm just fine."

"Yea. You're just 'fine.' You're the finest person I know." She said flippantly, surreptitiously wiping at her eyes. Spike noticed anyway.

"Really? Thanks luv." He said with a playful smirk. Buffy sniffed in response, once again not looking at him.

"Come on, Buffy. It's really not all that bad. I mean- "

"Not all that bad? Not all that bad! Yes, it _is_ Spike. I've become the thing that I'm supposed to kill. I'm a friggin' _demon_. I'm a dirty, disgusting, evil demon." She said in a low voice, glaring at him. Spike gave her a wounded look.

"Thought you knew by now Summers—we all aren't like that. It's what you _choose_ to be that counts. You are by no means evil. Hell, you've been your usual, _pleasant_ self ever since the bleeding Scoobies brought you back."

"Oh really? According to whom?" She challenged. He saw her drop her right shoulder, and knew that she was going to strike. But he didn't know how hard it was going to be, thus leaving him unprepared as he flew backwards a couple of yards and onto the ground.

"Bloody hell! I knew you were frustrated, but this?" He asked as he got up to his feet. She advanced upon him.

"Come on, Spike. Let's test out my new demon strength." She said, throwing a left straight at his nose. He caught it before it made contact, forcing her arm to her side. He grabbed her right hand just as it was about to connect with the side of his face. Their gazes were locked. Spike took in her flushed cheeks, erratic breathing, and the angry glint in her eyes. He awaited her next assault, but didn't expect it to be _that_. She was ferocious, intense, and completely carnal when she captured his lips with her own. Spike, knowing that the Slayer wasn't exactly in her right mind at the moment, gently pushed her away at arms length. He kept a strong hold on her shoulders.

"Buffy, you're very vulnerable right now. I don't wanna take advantage of—" Buffy gave him an inscrutable look that made him pause. She looked at him for several seconds before a determined expression swept over her face. She quickly knocked his hands off of her before jumping onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck before kissing him fiercely again. Spike, finally letting go and giving into his carnal instincts, hoisted her up, encouraging her to wrap her powerful legs around him. Not wanting to be passionate with Buffy out in the open, but also not being able to make it to his crypt, he walked them into an abandoned building a few feet away. _Hell, at least it's indoors._

Once they were inside, Buffy thrust her pelvis harshly against his, causing Spike fall backwards against a pillar. Leaning against it, he was more able to grind himself onto her sensitive center. Buffy stopped kissing him to gasp in pleasure. The smell of her arousal was incredibly pungent to Spike, causing him to stiffen and thicken further. He was driving her crazy, and vice versa, but she couldn't stand it anymore. Her left hand pressed his head up against her chest while the left reached down between them, unbuckling his belt and then unzipping his pants. Spike let out a low moan as her incredibly warm hand encircled him. Before he even knew what was going on, Buffy pulled him to her opening, her scrap of underwear pushed aside. Placing him at her entrance, she plunged herself down onto him, her eyes widening from the pain and pleasure of him being inside of her. She couldn't take her eyes off of Spike, his face filled with shock and marvel. She slowly began to move up and down on him, still staring into his fiery, blue gaze—she couldn't take her eyes off of him. No man had ever looked at her with such amazement and wonder. In that moment, he made her feel; he made her feel beautiful, flawless, vibrant and alive.

Spike, not being able to take her excruciatingly slow pace, turned them around, pushing her up against the pillar. She made him lose all control, causing him to pump wildly inside of her. He wasn't ashamed by the fact that she could bring him so close in such a short time, but then, she wasn't that far either. What seemed all too soon, and at the same time not soon enough, she broke inside, bucking wildly against him. The power behind her thrust was so powerful that it caused him to fall backwards and through the floor boards.

When they hit the ground, she began moving again on top of him. He still had that look of utter wonderment graced upon his face. Buffy leaned down, hovering over him, letting him feel her warm breath on his face from her panting. She clutched at his chest as she leaned closer, their eyes captured by one another. In that moment, they had discovered complete unity.

A/N: Okay, so there are like tons of versions of what happened during smashed that more often than not get into the whole kinky sex aspect of it. Since "Smashed" has been rewritten so many a time, some in great detail of said kinkiness (which, I have no objections to kinkiness), I just thought I'd write about that beautiful moment that first time around. We all know that Spike and Buffy got down and dirty, and I'll probably exploit that later in future episode rewrites.

I omitted the part where Spike attempts to attack that lady to prove a point and Buffy doesn't hit him so hard that his entire body spins around and he falls to his knees, I had to do something, right? And besides, Spike is known for his snarky comments. Doesn't mean he loves Buffy any less. Don't worry, it'll get better, I swear. ;)

Oh, and the title of this chap is the name of a song (by Jay Gordon from the "Queen of the Damned" Sdtk) that inspired me to write it as I did. Hell, I wish I could make a video using it... oh well.


	7. Creep

Spike had been awake for quite sometime, laying there silently beside her. It was nice; to finally have her wrapped in his arms, in a peaceful sleep, no less. _So, this is what living a dream is like_ he thought to himself. He smiled as he gently ran his fingers through her hair, careful not to wake her. If she awoke, then, he feared, the dream would be over. It was strange, the feelings he was having. First there was the genuine happiness and contentment; the feeling of warmth. She did that to him in a matter of moments. But then there was the stone cold fear, sadness and grief that seemed to cover him in darkness. Spike was no fool; he knew how critical the first few seconds after she awoke would be. How she looked at him in that first instant of realizing where she was and with whom she had spent the night. Covered in his duster, he pulled her a little closer to him, and savored the possibly last intimate moments he would get to share with her…

Buffy reluctantly opened her eyes, giving a little stretch as she did so. Feeling sore in all kinds of places she didn't even think possible, she realized that she was not in fact at home in her comfy bed, or alone even for that matter. Then she remembered—_Spike, the abandoned house, intimacy followed by tons upon tons of wanton sex._ She sat up abruptly, clutching the coat to her nakedness as she looked at the ruins that surrounded her.

"When did the building fall down?" She asked uneasily. _Well, well, Slayer. You're never one to disappoint, are you?_ Spike, deciding to not show his hurt and vulnerability, decided to put on his "smug" look before replying.

"Sometime between the first time and the…" He trailed off with a slight chuckle.

"Oh my god." Buffy said to herself before getting up and looking for her clothes. Spike heaved a sigh and looked towards the ceiling. He lay there exposed and immobile, watching her as she frantically put on her clothes.

"Where is my shoe?" She said more to herself than him, trying for all that she was to not look at him and his Herculean… well, she was trying real hard not to look him and his unclothed body.

"What's the hurry, love?" He asked casually, hands clasped underneath his head.

"The hurry is I left Dawn all night. And don't call me 'love.'" She said as she put on her boot, pointedly not looking at him.

"You didn't seem to take issue with it last night. Or with any of the little nasties we whispered." He said, desperately trying to pull her from her little world of denial of the things that they'd done. The things that she herself took extreme pleasure in.

"Can we not? Talk?"

"I just don't see why you have to run off so quick. Thought we could, uh…" He began as she walked past him.

"Not gonna happen, okay? This is the end of this freak show." Not being able to hide his feelings any longer, he pulled her by the wrist and onto his lap. He couldn't hide the look of hurt in his eyes.

"Don't say that." He said in a low, half pleading, half demanding voice. But she pushed on in her stubbornness, refusing to admit that last night meant anything to her. _And I'm supposed to be the cold one_ he thought bitterly.

"What did you think was gonna happen? That we were gonna read the newspaper together? Play footsie under the rubble?" She said rhetorically, trying to put him off as much as possible. But of course, Spike could _never_ be that easily deterred.

"Not exactly what I had in mind." He said, rubbing himself against her thigh.

"Stop."

"Make me."

"No, no. I have to go-"

"Come on. Stay. I'm stuck. Sun's up." And that was that. A simple, lame excuse and Buffy greedily fell back into his arms, waiting for him to ravish her. _So that's all this is to her? Lust?_ Spike didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe that she absolutely didn't care about the emotional aspects of their relationship. _She has to care; she has to._ He thought desperately to himself. _Well, there's one way to be sure…_

"I knew it. I knew the only thing better than killing a Slayer would be f-"

"What! Is that what this was all about? _Doing_ a Slayer!" Buffy was furious, at him, and even more so at herself. She should have known better. _He doesn't care. God, I'm so stupid._ Buffy's whole point of leaving was so she didn't have to see this side of him; so she wouldn't have to regret last night. Of course, she couldn't get out soon enough. The damage was done. Furthermore, he had the audacity to _laugh_ at her. Of course, what she didn't know was that he was laughing in the joyous knowledge that it _wasn't_ just sex to her. To an extent, perhaps not as much as he did, however, she did care.

"I wouldn't throw stones, pet. You seem to be quite the groupie yourself."

"Shut up." She said derisively, wiping at her lips in disgust. _Why do I even want him?_

"I'm just sayin', vampires get you hot."

"No. _A_ vampire got me hot—one. But he's gone. You're just… You're just convenient." She said, wanting more than ever to royally piss him off. She did. He got up and walked towards her, unabashed about his nudity. She kept her eyes in his.

"Before you start voicing anymore of your theories, you might do well to remember, I can hurt you now." He said in hurt and anger, knowing just as well as she did that he would never do such a thing.

"That's right. Because I came back wrong. Well, you wanna really know what's wrong with me? You." Buffy felt horrible after saying that. The expression of undiluted pain clenched at her heart. She hadn't meant it. He attempted to swallow the lump in his throat, but it just refused to go down.

"You mean that?" He asked in a near whisper, pleading with his eyes for her to deny it. Buffy couldn't bring herself to contradict the hurtful statement, nor confirm it. She couldn't bring herself to say anything. Spike gave her an imperceptible nod before turning away from her to retrieve his pants. 

"So, what? You gonna continue treating me like dirt, until the next time you've got an itch you can't scratch? Well, forget it! Last night changed things. I'm through being your whipping boy." He said, while angrily fastening his belt buckle.

"Nothing's changed." Spike squinted his eyes at her, listening to the rapid fluttering of her heart.

"Bollocks. It was a bloody revelation. And you can act as high, and mighty as you like. I know where you live now, Slayer. I've tasted it." He walked back towards her and into her personal space. She stood her ground, looking up at him.

"Get a grip. Like you're god's gift." He laughed dryly at her.

"Hardly. Wouldn't be nearly as interesting, would it?" He asked, before leaning in to kiss her.

"Stop it." She tried to step around him, but he wouldn't move out of her way. He locked his wrists behind her neck, keeping her before him.

"No, let me go." She said weakly, knowing that she could have moved him if she really wanted to.

"And what difference would that make? Huh, Buffy? Because you and I both know, no matter how much you don't wanna admit it, that this is exactly where you wanna be. Here, with me. Almost as much as I want to be with you, but you're not quite there yet. But you will be." Buffy looked away from him for a moment, soaking in everything he'd just said. She expelled a tired sigh, and walked away from his grasp to get her jean jacket. He let her go.

"Look, just don't tell anyone about this, alright? I have to go—and think." She said as she walked away.

"But love, I was so looking forward to screaming everything we did from the high heavens! Buffy!" He yelled after her in frustration. What did she think was gonna happen? He was gonna run and tell Dawnie bout their version of the "birds and the bees?" That he was gonna send Giles a post card, or brag to Harris bout it? Well, that last bit _was_ quite tempting. But he could wait. He _would_ wait. Buffy had to make the call whether or not to tell her friends. But he sincerely hoped for both their sakes that it was sooner rather than later…

For the last two days, Buffy contemplated what she should do. She didn't know what she was so afraid of. Him? _It's just Spike._. She'd known him for years, and he more or less was upfront about everything that he felt. Was it getting hurt? Spike would never hurt her. If anything, she'd end up hurting _him._ If she were completely and utterly honest with herself, she knew that what she was really afraid of was that the two of them could be real.

Deep down, she'd always known that Riley had been "rebound" guy, no matter how hard she tried to deny it. She was more upset at losing the _idea_ of him. He was dependable, solid, and initially uncomplicated. Well, that could only last so long. Spike was right—they did have passion, heat, and desire. But was there love there too? From him, yes of course. She wasn't completely sure about herself. All she knew was that she and Spike just fit, and somehow, there was something terrifying about that…

Maybe she was a glutton for pain. Maybe she really didn't want to be happy. She felt a tightness around her heart at the thought. So, that was the crux of it; she didn't think she deserved it- happiness. A slayer was supposed be all detached anyway, so…

"God, why do I hate myself so much?" She asked aloud to no one. "Why can't I just be-" Before Buffy got the chance to figure out what she was thinking, she heard a loud noise upstairs. And just like that, there was no time to think about Spike, and relationships, happiness or love. Now was the time for her to perform her sacred duty- being the big sister.

Amy, before running to the bathroom to go vomit, told her what was going on with Willow. She told her about the dark magicks and how Willow was losing it. So in conclusion, Dawn was once again in danger. Of course, Dawn couldn't possibly be blamed for the impromptu outing that was so bound for badness. Willow was out of control. I mean, hello? Hanging out with a guy named Rack? A guy with a totally lame name like that could so not be of the good. Unfortunately, she didn't know who this Rack guy was exactly, or where he was for that matter. She needed help. _Oh, who will I turn to?_ She thought sarcastically. The only person who she felt she could count on. The only person she truly trusted. Spike. He had been there time and time again, even when she didn't want him to be. Well, now was not the time for her personal wants. She had to find Dawn and Willow- fast.

Spike's crypt appeared to be empty, but she knew he was there somewhere. She could feel him. She never really noticed before, but yea, for the past couple of years, she had acquired some sort of special "spidey" Spike sense. It was never off. She found him sleeping in the lower level.

Spike usually wasn't that heavy of a sleeper. After bellowing his name out right in front of him, soundly still he slept. He looked so peaceful with his sharp, angular features softened by sleep and the candle light. It was a shame to wake him. Almost. Spike awoke with a start as she tossed a particularly heavy pillar candle onto his torso. She would have awoken him personally, but she wasn't sure how much control _she_ would have had over herself, him being naked and sexy and all. The time called for business only.

SSSSSSSSS

Well, that was the Slayer for ya. Only going out for a jaunt to see him when she needed something. Never mind him and _his_ feelings. Nope. He was just a soulless thing after all. Hell, if the Niblet wasn't in danger, he probably wouldn't have even gone with her. Maybe. Well, he probably still would have gone, but he wouldn't be nearly as determined. _Yea. Not a lick._

So, in an incredibly awkward silence after he dressed in front of her with her back to him (like she hadn't seen it all before), the two headed out to the downtown area. It was almost as if it were a battle of wills- who could go the longest without breaking the silence. Buffy, sick of her own thoughts, cracked first.

"What's taking so long? This Rack guy isn't all that bad, is he?" She asked somewhat petulantly. She looked at him expectantly.

"No, it's just… not only is his place cloaked, but it moves. No worries; we'll get there." He said, all the while not looking at her. Buffy, feeling the awkward sensation dissipate, was overcome by a feeling of hurt. He was intentionally attempting to ignore her. Buffy stopped as she waited for him to turn around.

"Spike!" She yelled after him as he continued to walk. Either he hadn't noticed or hadn't cared that she'd stopped. Buffy hoped it was the former. She watched as he did that shoulder roll that he does as he heaved a huge sigh.

"What now, Slayer? Shouldn't we be looking for the Bit?" He said wearily as he turned around to face her.

"Well, yes, but… why aren't we talking? I mean, usually you love to talk, so…" She trailed off sheepishly from the burning look that he gave her.

"Seems to me that you're the one who can't seem to stop yappin', luv." He said in a low voice. Buffy heaved a sigh of weariness at that.

"Spike, I don't want to argue."

"Neither do I. But you're the one that started it."

"What! I so did not!"

"Yea, you did! I was fine with the whole not talking. _To you_." He mumbled the last part. She heard it anyway.

"Well I wasn't! I hate—I hate feeling this way." She said quietly.

"What way?" He stepped closer to her, looking at her intently as if searching for something.

"Feeling like… like I can't talk to you. I want to talk to you. I like talking to you. But, it's like I don't know how anymore. I'm not sure what to say." He gently cupped her cheek as he looked into her eyes.

"Just be honest with me, Buffy." The way he said her name, it made her lose all train of thought. Rational, or otherwise. No one could say her name like—so rich, and full with feeling. She loved the way he said her name.

"Spike, I—" And once again, they were interrupted—by Dawn's screams of terror. They looked at each other for a split second before running off in the direction that they'd heard her. Aided by super speed and close proximity, they got there in less than a minute. Buffy worked on the demon while Spike tended to Dawn. Willow, crackling with magic and unnatural black eyes, burned the demon to a cinder. She was a sad, sorry sight. After Dawn smacked her in the face, walking away with Spike, Willow begged Buffy to help her. Buffy was so tempted to leave her there. She looked at Spike, wanting to know what he thought. He gave her a silent answer with the softening of his eyes. He turned and left with Dawn while Buffy stayed behind.

She felt sorry for Willow; she was her best friend. But the whole thing made her realize something: none of her friends could really be put on some type of pedestal of perfection. It wasn't fair. People had to live their lives. They mess up, make mistakes… And your friends, _her_ friends, should be there for her no matter what. Spike made her happy, and her friends would have to learn to support that. Other people's opinions shouldn't matter. She had been through so much, and there was only one person who could understand what she was going through.

After Willow was tucked away and Dawn safe in her room, Buffy left the house once again…


	8. More Than Normal

Thanks bajs :D

"More than Normal"

Buffy, keeping with tradition, unceremoniously kicked open the door to Spike's crypt and marched inside.

"Spike? Spike! We need to- "Buffy immediately realized she was talking to herself. She couldn't feel him- he wasn't there.

"Damn it. Damn it!" She yelled to herself, frustrated as all hell. Well, she surely wasn't chasing after him. Nope. She would chase no one. Instead, full of aggravation, she plopped down into his easy chair with a pout. _Well, waiting and following are two different things entirely_ she thought to herself.

She could still feel the dull ache between her legs and on her ass two days later. At the time when she jumped him, she hadn't considered her physical condition. Spike hadn't been the only one in complete shock. As she plunged herself down upon him, she felt immense in pain, for apparently, she had been brought back scar less as well as with an intact hymen. Willow hadn't brought her back just part demon, but she was all shiny and new as well. _Funny. A vamp takes my virginity once again_. The only difference between that time and the last was that Spike had taken her "back end" and oral virginity as well. Neither vamp nor man had ever been to either place. Even if she harbored no feelings for Spike before, which she in fact had, she still would have been attached to him for the physical reasons alone. _Damn, he was amazing_, she thought. She learned the true meaning of orgasm that night.

Fifteen minutes later after twiddling her thumbs, she gave an exasperated sigh as she quickly got up from the chair.

"I am so through embarrassing myself. If he wants to talk to me, then he can just-"

"Just what, luv?" Spike said around the cigarette dangling from his lips, carrying a brown bag in one arm. He took in Buffy's deer caught in the headlights expression with an arch of his eyebrow. _What's she so bloody nervous about?_ He thought.

"Spike!" She said in an abnormally high voice full of surprise. With a clearing of her throat, she attempted to speak in a very normal voice, "Um, where've you been?"

"Buffy, luv, didn't know you cared." He said with a smirk as he closed the crypt door.

"Well, I don't." She retorted defiantly, following him with her eyes.

"Really?" He asked with his back to her while putting his blood and beers in the fridge. "Then why are you here?" He said just as he closed the door, turning around to face her.

"I… I shouldn't be with you." He arched his eyebrow at this.

"Funny choice of words there, ducks. 'Shouldn't,' but you are. And why is it, exactly, you feel you shouldn't?" He asked as he advanced upon her. Buffy tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

"I shouldn't because… I lack judgment around you."

"You know, that isn't always bad." He said, caressing the side of her face with the back of his hand.

"Yes it is. Cause um, fun and failure begins the same way." She said a bit nervously, her voice becoming breathy.

"Still, it'll be interesting." He said in his low, sexy voice. Just as he leaned in to kiss her, she pushed him back a little.

"Wait. We have to talk." Then it was his turn to give an exasperated sigh.

"What's on your mind, sweetheart?" He said as he headed back to the fridge to retrieve a beer.

"Can I get one of those too?" He turned and looked at her with a look that said "duh," but in a really sweet, sincere sort of way.

"Of course." He said before grabbing two. He headed back to his "living" area and motioned for her to take a seat. She sat down with a weary sigh, rubbing her forehead.

"Well love, I'm all ears." He said seriously as he handed her a beer. Neither bothered to actually take a drink. The beers ended up lonely and untouched on the small table next to him. Buffy stared at the beads of sweat on them intently.

"I don't think. No, I can't think- clearly around you." Spike looked at her through squinted eyes.

"Buffy, I don't know what-"

"Let me finish. With Riley," She paused as Spike visibly flinched at the name. She started again. "With Riley, I didn't make sense. But with you…" She trailed off as he looked at her with wonder, hoping she would finish the sentence with what he was thinking. "I make sense with darkness. Even before I died for the second time around. Somehow, I manage to repel normalcy. I guess it's all apart of the Slayer package, being one with the darkness. I know what to look for. It's scary."

"Maybe. But with me, you'll never be alone. And Buff, in case you haven't noticed, we're on the mouth of Hell. 'Normal' is in the eye of the beholder." He grabbed both of her hands in his gently. "So, we may not exactly be conventional. But you have to agree that we're very much compatible." She gave him a small grin at that.

"Can't argue with that."

"I love you."

"I know." She said before getting up and kissing him on the forehead. He stood up as she headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" He asked, truly perplexed.

"I can't stay. Not tonight. I can't leave Dawn alone with Willow all night."

"But… what does this all mean, Buffy?" He asked her. She knew he really meant where their relationship exactly at that point was.

"I dunno, Spike. I'll talk to you later. Promise." She said quietly before leaving, closing the door gently behind her.

"Well, wasn't that just neat." Spike said before downing his beer in one long, huge gulp. Then he finished off Buffy's at his leisure. He didn't think it was fair that they were playing solely on Buffy's timetable. So he decided that first thing in the morning, he would pay her a visit.

Spike, not wanting to wait until dusk and wanting to catch Buffy completely off guard, he took to the tunnels at 8 and was at Buffy's before eight thirty. Hoping that the kitchen door was unlocked (and it was), he ran up to it with his smoking blanket, rushed inside, threw off the blanket, smoothed his hair, and acted as if everything was hunky dory.

"So. What's for breakfast?" Spike asked to a startled Buffy and a dumbfounded Willow.

"Spike. What are you doing here? Um, so early I mean?" Buffy asked with a nervous chuckle. Spike arched his eyebrow at her, semi leering at her.

"Just out for an early stroll, luv. Thought I'd stop by. And, I'm missing my lighter. Thought I might've left it here."

"You know, I'm kinda tired. Buffy, can you finish this? Thanks." Willow said, looking tired as ever before leaving the room. Buffy looked worried as Willow left her alone with Spike. This amused him.

"Is uh, everything alright pet? You look a bit scared."

"I'm just fine Spike. And how about you? You look a bit singed." She said, hand on hip. Spike gave a small chuckle as he advanced upon her with the grace of a jungle cat. Buffy looked managed to not look nervous, but her rapid heartbeat was a dead give away. No pun intended.

"Yea. I get all burned and hot around you, baby. I imagine you simply drip puddles around me, huh?" Buffy swallowed as he grabbed her hips, bringing her pelvis flush against his. Buffy emitted shallow pants as she felt his hardness against her. _God, why am I so easy around him?_ She vaguely thought. He then swerved his hips, and she remembered.

"Spike, I- "

"You know, you look absolutely gorgeous when you're aroused Buffy." He whispered in her ear as he ground into her.

"We, we shouldn't. Not here, Spi- "

"Then where, Buff? Where would you like to- "

"Spike, still trying to mac on Buffy? When are you going to wake up and smell the coffee?" At the sound of Xander's sarcastic, disapproving tone of voice, Buffy (feebly) pushed Spike away. Spike merely smirked at Harris' obliviousness to what was going on and the irony of his statement as Buffy attempted to compose herself.

"Oh yea, Harris. I smell it alright."

"Well, you know Spike. So Xander, why are you here so early exactly?" Buffy asked, stepping away from Spike and walking towards Xander.

"Here to pick up Dawnie. For school, remember?"

"Um, yea! Completely remember. Spike, you can let yourself out, right?" Buffy said lightly as she escorted Xander out, all the while knowing he wasn't actually going to leave; all the while knowing that she really didn't want him to leave. She didn't know what was going to happen or what she wanted to happen for that matter. Unfortunately, she never got to figure that out. Just as Xander and Dawn departed, the social worker (who Buffy completely forgot about) arrived. _And there goes my quality time with Spike_ she thought as the woman barged into her home. Buffy hated the way Ms. Kroger pronounced her name. _Miss Summers_. She thought the woman was trying awful hard to make her seem like a child. And just as she turned around, there sat Spike, waiting patiently for once. Buffy attempted to _not_ notice the gi-normous bulge his hand was not so casually resting upon.

"So we gonna sort this thing out or what?" He asked, completely ignoring the other woman.

"Um, Spike, you remember this nice lady from social services, right?"

"Oh, right." Spike said, immediately getting into his "responsible" role. "Buffy's a great mom. She takes good care of her lil' sis. Like when Dawn wasn't doing so well in school, she got her a tutor." Well, more like Willow, but she was wicked smart and helping Dawn out at the time.

"Oh. That sounds lovely." The woman from social services said sounding genuinely pleased. "And does your boyfriend live here Miss Summers?" She asked as she turned to Buffy. Buffy's eyes grew wide.

"Live here? Uh, no! Just me and Dawnie live here." Spike smirked as she didn't deny the fact that he was her boyfriend.

"And you, Mr. uh…" Spike stood up and quickly grasped her hand, kissing it lightly.

"Please, call me William." The woman visibly blushed. Buffy felt her temper flare.

"William. This is Mrs. Kroger. Or is it Ms.?" She asked attempting to sound sincere. Ms. Kroger didn't take a second glance at her.

"Please, William. Call me Doris. So, what do you do?" Spike looked almost bashful. Buffy crossed her arms tightly. _Calm down. It's just an act. Spike is just doing a helluva an acting job. All for_ Doris… Buffy thought derisively.

"Well, Doris. I happen to run my own shop. Ever heard of the Magic Box? It's quite lovely."

"My, my, William. Well, do you- "

"Okay. SO, are we all done here? It's going to be a busy day for William and me. Work, work, work. Busy as bees." Buffy said, interrupting.

"Now, Buffy, luv. It's not nice to interrupt people while they're having meaningful conversations." He said, giving her a mock disapproving look. "But Doris, I'm afraid she's quite right. The early bird catches the worm and all that." He said to her, giving Kroger a heartwarming smile.

"Well, I suppose we're done here. But Miss Summers, _do_ be sure to stay on Dawn about those grades. And you are looking for employment, correct?"

"Tried to get her to work for me, but she's just too proud. Actually, she was planning on job hunting today, weren't you luv?" Buffy just nodded.

"Well, okay. And there will be another checkup in about a month. Someone will call you from the office. Good day, Miss Summers. William." She said sweetly as he opened the door for her. He grasped her hand again, and gave it another light kiss.

"Pleasure to meet you… Doris." Spike said, almost forgetting her name.

"And you… Goodbye." Doris said, with the biggest smile she ever had in a long while.

"'Pleasure to meet you, Doris.' Boy, you certainly made her decade." Buffy said chock full of sarcasm after he closed the door.

"Jealous, luv?" Spike said with that self satisfied grin of his as he approached her. "Need uh, some special attention, do you?" He said, placing his hands on her hips again before letting them slide around back to her ass. After squeezing her ass tightly, a shocked gasp escaped her lips when he surprised her by smacking her left cheek. She involuntarily clutched herself to him. The look in her eyes screamed desire and "take me now." So Spike kissed her hungrily, pulling her flush against him. Buffy kissed him back with equal fervor. He broke the kiss and greedily began kissing at her neck and on her pulse point. Buffy didn't seem to mind at all, for all she did was make loud gasping noises as she held his head to her.

"Uh! Spike!" She gasped out before pushing him forcibly to the floor. He was momentarily shocked, unsure of her intentions. _Maybe I pushed her too far_ He thought, swallowing deeply as we waited for all hell to break loose. His eyes grew large when Buffy practically leapt upon him, and immediately began kissing and biting at his neck as her hands worked on unbuckling his belt and unzipping his jeans. Spike groaned as he reached for her zipper as well. Frustrated at how awkward it was to get to her because of the jeans, he quickly flipped them over with a low growl. He eagerly divested her of her jeans and panties. After freeing himself completely, he hovered over her as she looked at him. Feeling quite impatient, she grasped him in her hand and pulled him towards her center. He hissed at the contact, but placed his hand over hers and teased her entrance before plunging into her. She cried out.

Buffy grabbed his shoulders as he slowly rocked inside of her. Bracing himself on one hand, he used his free one to trace her agape mouth. She sucked his finger inside with a "mmm." His slow, steady thrusts escalated into fast, deep, pumps. Buffy moved her hands from his shoulders down to his ass, pulling him to her as she thrust her pelvis upward. She got so excited, she became unaware of her gasps and pants turning into very loud screams. She clawed at his jean clad ass and leather clad back, feeling ever so close and yet so far away. Spike, knowing what she desperately wanted, massaged her clit with the finger wetted by her own mouth and started kissing her neck again. He knew it was one of her favorite spots. She wrapped her bare legs around him as she spiraled out of control, all the while screaming incoherent words. Spike, with one final, deep thrust, came with a roar. He collapsed on top of her as she held him to her. Her legs lay limp, and felt as if they lost all of their feeling. Her toes too. She wiggled them experimentally.

"Well, that's a helluva way to start the day, huh- "

"Oh god! Spike! What have you done? Did you put some sort of spell on her! Buffy, are you alright?" Willow said from the hallway, unsure of whether to get closer or not, wishing she could perform some sort of nasty spell on Spike for what he had done to her friend.

"Oh shit." Buffy muttered as she covered her eyes. "Yea, Spike. Helluva way to start the day."


	9. The God Awful Truth

Willow was tired. Willow was drained. Willow was burdened with guilt. Willow didn't want to be bothered. She had got up that morning and attempted to make breakfast for everyone. Somewhere between putting the food into the hot frying pan and Spike bursting into the kitchen partially aflame, she lost her zest for trying to make it up to the Summers' for the other night. She was not only all magicked out, she was all talked out and done for the moment of trying to appease her own guilt. She left Buffy and Spike to their usual banter— hey it wasn't like she was a huge participant in the sport of banter anyway. She just wanted to sleep.

She walked through the living room and bumped pass Dawn on her way up the stairs.

"Morning, Daw—" but Dawn kept going, giving her the proverbial cold shoulder. "That's okay. Didn't feel much like talking anyway." And she really didn't, mind you. Besides, there was nothing to be done about the wrath of Dawn in that moment anyway. Not cookies, not pancakes, and definitely not something magical. Willow heaved a great sigh as she made it to the top of the stairs. She went into her room, the room she had become used to sharing with Tara, and pretty much just flopped her body on top of the bed spread. No need for covers or anything particular like that, she just needed to rest her limbs and her mind. And for nearly twenty minutes, she did. There were voices downstairs, but were hardly audible. The noise coming from downstairs was just low enough for her to ignore. She felt herself slipping into a deep slumber… And then she heard it-

"Uh! Spike!"

_Oh great. More with the yelling and the screaming. Can't those two give it a rest?_ She thought to herself. Then there was more screaming, so loud it refused to be ignored. Willow gave a groan and rolled over onto her back.

"Jeeze, you guys. Can't you save the arguing for patrol or something?" She asked loudly, her question of course going unanswered. Willow got up from the bed and slowly opened the door, heading into the hallway. It was then that she realized that Buffy was indeed screaming incoherently, but they were intertwined with moans and grunts. Some hers, and some belonging to Spike. Willow's eyes squinted as she concentrated on the noises coming from them, and small, startled gasp emanated from her lips.

"Oh, goddess." She murmured as she slowly headed down the stairs, completely frightened and unprepared for what she was more than likely was about to see. She gripped the banister as she approached the final three steps, looking straight ahead at the front door all the while. She couldn't force her head to look sideways- not just yet. When she finally made it to the foot of the stairs, she took a deep breath and turned to look at the scene before her. Spike was on top of a spread legged Buffy, ramming himself into her. They were mostly covered with his coat, but it didn't take a genius to see what was going on. Tears sprang to Willow's eyes, from shock, disappointment and terror. She couldn't believe that Spike would do that to someone he professed to love. _To Buffy_. To use her in such a horrid way… what little regard he must have for her. How could it be that he could just—rape her? The shock had warn off, and was replaced with anger.

"Oh god! Spike! What have you done?" She watched as Buffy covered her eyes, mumbling something that she couldn't hear. Spike got up and had the decency to turn his back to the red head as he zipped up. Willow turned her head as Buffy quickly retrieved her panties and jeans and hurriedly put them on.

"Uh, listen, Red, sorry you had to see…" But Willow wasn't listening anymore. Before she even realized what she was doing, mystical words began pouring from her mouth. In less than an instant, Spike was in pain on the floor, writhing and clutching his ribs, screaming loudly.

"Willow! Stop it! It's not a spell! What are you doing!" Buffy yelled, frantic. She was knelt at Spike's side, but there was nothing she could do. Buffy looked at Willow and saw that her green irises had bled into black. Buffy walked up to her and shook her.

"Willow, stop it now!" She yelled. Willow blinked, and Spike stopped screaming, nearly on the verge of passing out.

"What… what happened? Buffy? What's going on?" Buffy wanted to be angry, that Willow could just use magic at the drop of a hat, but she knew she thought she was protecting her best friend. Buffy turned her head for a second and looked at Spike.

"You okay?" She asked in a gentle voice.

"Yea, luv. Just need to… lie here for a moment. Bloody hell." He mumbled, both hands resting on his torso.

"Willow, we need to have a serious talk. First, let me say that there was no spell involved whatsoever in what you unfortunately witnessed. It was purely consensual." Willow looked confused.

"But… I mean, I… you and Spike? What, what's going on? Buffy, it's Spike, and, and you… and I don't get it." Willow got out, her pale face all scrunched up.

"Look, Will. This isn't the time to put my decision making under scrutiny. What the hell just happened with you just then? What did you do to Spike? Willow, you promised me, you promised us that you wouldn't do any magic anymore. Then what the hell was that!"

"I, I thought I was protecting you, Buffy I swear. And, and it's only been like two days since I stopped, and this was what I thought to be an emergency. I—I didn't even realize I was doing it. Please, forgive me?" She asked sheepishly. Buffy gave a deep breadth.

"I know you had my best interests at heart, but… look, we obviously need to have a long talk. And also, I kinda need you to not tell anyone about this, kay? So why don't you go get dressed while I help Spike here, and then we can have a nice, long chat." Willow nodded wearily, and headed up the stairs once again.

Buffy muttered a silent curse as a sullen and confused Willow trudged up the stairs. She turned to Spike, who was still lying on the floor, gazing up at the ceiling. She went to him and knelt beside him.

"What did she do to you?" She asked in a soft whisper, caressing his brow.

"I'm alright, luv. Though, it did feel like she was squeezing my insides with an invisible, magic hand." Buffy gingerly pulled his un-tucked shirt upward, revealing rapidly disappearing bruises up and down his sides.

"But you're starting to feel better, right?" She experimentally grazed the left side of his torso with the tips of her fingers.

"Yea. It's wearing off, whatever it was. Magically induced pain. Neat."

"Come on, let's get you on the couch." She got up, and helped him slowly to his feet. She put his arm around her shoulders and put one of her arms behind his back. He winced, but they made it the several steps over to the couch. Buffy helped Spike lay down before sitting next to his head.

"Sit up." She gently coaxed him upward, and had him rest his head on her thigh.

"Huh," he said thoughtfully.

"What 'huh?'"

"Well it's just… you. Being, being so nice to me. It's bloody weird."

"What? No it's not." She denied. He looked up at her from his position on her leg.

"Yea. It is. Let's be honest, luv. Speaking of honesty, what you gonna tell Red?"

"It's not like I could deny anything now. And actually, it's kind of a relief, you know? She's my best friend after all."

"And the others?"

"I don't think they need to know just yet. I mean… we still aren't even sure what this is— what we feel-,"

"I know _exactly_ what I feel, Slayer," He gritted out through his teeth as he sat up, turned and faced her. She looked upon him with sympathetic eyes.

"I know, Spike. It's just… it's complicated, for me."

"Yea," he grunted, swinging his legs onto the carpeted floor.

"Spike, I—,"

"Look, Slayer, I'm only going to play by your rules for so long." He got up a bit more quickly than he should have and stumbled.

"Sp—,"

"Don't," He said while not facing her. "I… I'm gonna go to crypt. Get a lil' rest in." Spike grabbed his blanket and headed towards the back door. Buffy called out to him, but he refused to turn back around. He left with a slam of the door. Buffy let out a frustrated sigh as she grabbed a couch pillow and held it close to her. How she wished that things could be simpler. Lost in her own thoughts, she didn't notice that a fully dressed Willow had come back down the stairs.

"Where's Spike? I was hoping I could apologize to him." Willow said sincerely.

"He left. It's just me and you." Buffy scooted over, making room for her friend of nearly six years.

"So. You and Spike. With the sex. All consensual like. I think that time with the bot has made me become… more accustomed to the idea," Willow said in an almost thoughtful tone.

"Please. Let's let the past stay in the past. As a matter of fact, I don't want you to compare this… tentative, albeit sexual relationship I have with Spike to the one with Angel cause it's totally not the same."

"I know. Spike and Angel are totally different."

"Totally."

"But Buffy… Angel has a soul."

"And Spike doesn't need one." Buffy surprised them both with that last statement.

"But Buffy! If he didn't have that chip— "

"He'd what? Sneak in the house in the middle of the night and kill me? Come on, Willow. He's in love with me. That chip didn't make him stay here all summer and help you guys out, did it? He didn't have me to impress, and thought I was gone for good. He did it cause he wanted to. He cared, and he still does. Besides which, he can hurt me. His chip doesn't work on me. I was hoping maybe you can tell me why that is?" Willow's mouth hung open. She was too shocked to say anything. "Willow?"

"Um, I um… I dunno! Buffy, I swear to you, I did that spell right. There has to be a reasonable explanation for this."

"I'm sure there is. You will find it for me, won't you?"

"Yes. Of, of course! I'll get started right away. I'll get started right now! I'll just, go to the Magic Box." Buffy placed her hand on Willow's and locked eyes with her.

"But this won't like, interfere with you and the no magic rule exactly, right?"

"Right! I just have to look over the books, I mean… You know what? I'll ask Tara to supervise me. Is, is that ok?"

"Yea. But just tell her only the important parts, okay? She doesn't need to know about…"

"Oh! Of course not. Secret between two best friends, right? We are still best friends?" She asked, very much unsure of Buffy's answer. Buffy gave her a genuine smile.

"Of course, Wills. You were just going through a rough patch." Willow gave her the biggest smile ever before leaning over and hugging her best friend tightly.

"Thanks, Buffy. I'm glad that you… if only Dawn could— "

"She'll get over it. Eventually." Willow stood up to leave. Before heading to the door, she turned and looked at Buffy again.

"And just so you know, I do like Spike. I mean, he's had his share of problems, but we all have. I think he's doing considerably well considering he's a soulless vampire. And besides, if Anya can be accepted into the gang, well… I mean, she just lost her power center. Who knows if she even has a soul? She could just be a powerless demon."

"Be sure to tell Xander that when he finds out about me and Spike. _Not_ that he's gonna know anytime soon," Buffy quickly backtracked.

"Yea, I will." Buffy, deciding that she owed someone an apology, headed out.


	10. Serious

"Serious"

Buffy never got to Spike's as intended. No. Once again, there had been _more_ distractions. Willow mysteriously becoming invisible started the Scooby investigation of the day. As it turned out, the whole thing was behind three geeks- two that she knew, Jonathan and Warren, and one that… damn, what was his name again? At any rate, the entire incident was kind of anticlimactic, ending with Jonathan and that other guy making Willow visible again, albeit against Warren's wishes. Leaving her in that state would have eventually killed her, but Buffy wrote it off as a bunch of nerdy guys doing nerdy things. After they ran away in an artificial cloud of smoke, she didn't give them another thought. She had way bigger issues on her brain, and that was to find a job before another visit from Doris at Social Services. Out of the numerous places she applied to, the only call back she got was from Doublemeat Palace. It was nowhere near her dream job. But what choice did she have? Apparently, Spike didn't agree.

"No, Buffy."

"No? Since when do I need your permission, Spike? Can't we just continue are pleasant patrol in silence?" Buffy groused as she walked ahead of him. Spike shook his head to himself before striding up in front of her.

"No we can't. Not until we suss this all out."

"Spike –"

"Buffy, you're better than this. And if you expect me to just stand by and watch, then…"

"Then what? What do you expect me to do? I need the money."

"I can get money."

"Not legally, you can't." Spike gritted his teeth irritably before looking heavenward. Heaving a huge sigh, he looked at her with tender eyes.

"You mean to tell me you have no other option than flipping burgers and whether or not 'you want fries with that?' I mean, there are plenty of jobs that you could perform that pay more and don't strip you of your dignity."

"It's an honest job, Spike."

"There are _other_ honest jobs, luv. Besides, don't you remember what happened when you tried the Average Joe avenues of the workplace before? It nearly drove you out of your gourd."

"That was different. There were… not so nice forces at work against me."

"Even so. Look, here's in idea. There's a club in Downtown Sunnydale- Club Wet, it's called. Anyway, they need a bouncer and pay about fourteen an hour. I would have applied myself, but…chipped and all." Buffy had to admit that Spike had a point. _And fourteen bucks an hour!_ Thinking it over, she shook her head in dismay.

"It'll never work. All of the shifts would be at night, and I wouldn't be able to patrol, plus they'd totally be biased because I'm a girl."

"Thought bout that already. You wouldn't have to work every night, and besides which, I can patrol for you. I mean, the both of us really aren't needed. Town's been more or less quiet besides the average vamp and what not. And the manager knows what goes on in this town. Just show off your strength a bit when you apply and bam, you got the job. The man seemed reasonable." Buffy stopped walking and looked at him with this… almost dreamy looked in her eyes. _Nah, couldn't be. She must be sleepy or something…_ Spike figured.

"You're sweet, you know that?"

"Bloody hell, Summers. You're gonna ruin my rep saying things like that." Spike said, attempting to not look bashful. He almost pulled it off.

"I never apologized for what Willow did." He shrugged at her.

"S'alright, luv. Red didn't know. Though why she'd think I'd put a spell on you beats the hell out of me."

"Well, you _did_ kidnap her that one time so you could try and force her to put a spell on Drusilla."

"Oh. Right. But that was ages ago." He dismissed with a wave of his hand.

"Yea, okay." She said with a hint of laughter, nudging him with her hip.

"So… what'd you tell her?"

"The truth."

"And what is _your_ truth, exactly?"

"That we're seeing each other— privately. And that no one is to know, just yet."

"Uh huh." He said pensively.

"Spike…"

"How long you gonna keep doing this to us, Buffy? Why won't you let yourself be happy? Why won't you let me make you happy?"

"What is it that you want from me, Spike?" He looked at her quietly, running his fingers through her hair as he heaved a sigh.

"You mean to tell me you don't know by now?"

"No… not exactly. Just tell me."

"And if I do, would you oblige me?" He asked with a secretive smile. Buffy swallowed deeply, thinking as well as hoping that he was talking about sex. It had been less than twenty-four hours, but she deeply missed his hands on her. A quickie in her living room didn't count, much.

"Yes." She answered quietly.

"Alright. What I want… is to come to your place tomorrow evening, seven thirty sharp, pick you up, and take you out for the night."

"Wait. Huh?"

"I want to take you out on a _real_ date, luv. Court you properly and all that. Hell, Willow can even grill me if she fancies it. Play the role of concerned parent or what all."

"You… you wanna date me?" Buffy asked, her brows furrowed.

"Well, yea. I want to be _with_ you, Buffy. Not just in the shadows. I want you to be my lady."

"You wanna be my boyfriend?"

"God, no. That sounds so… trivial. But whatever this is between us, I want it to be official. I don't… I don't want to share you, Buffy." Buffy's eyes widened in shock as realization dawned on her.

"Spike I would _never_… I'm only with you."

"Promise?" Buffy's heart beat quickened as she looked at his face, though she wasn't sure why. She had this sudden urge to hold him tightly, and she didn't resist it.

"Buffy?" Spike asked, confused as to what she meant, but hugging her back all the same.

"It's only you Spike. I would never… I'm with you…" He moved his hands slowly up her back and along her sides, up to her shoulders, neck, and ending at the sides of her face. He lifted her face up gently towards him, and stared at her with his sapphire eyes. She felt as if she were drowning in them.

"I love you Buffy. More than anything. What I'm asking of you is a chance; a fair chance at really being with you. I swear I'll be good to you." Buffy didn't trust her voice just then, so she simply nodded. Spike gave her a devilish grin.

"Good— tomorrow is date night then." They finished there patrol in quiet, albeit comfortable silence. When they started to head back to the Summers' home, Spike tentatively reached for Buffy's hand.

In spite of the fact that he was only room temperature, Buffy felt a piercing heat all over her body at the simple contact. There was absolutely nothing sexual about it, and yet, he was fully capable of making her feel as if the Amazon was running between her thighs (gotta love that Paula Cole song). Hell, all he had to do was give her that look—that intense, lustful stare of his, that transformed his irises to a darker blue, pulling her in, and she was done for.

All of a sudden, they were standing in front of her house, and she'd been too captivated by the nearness of him to have noticed.

"At your stop, love." He announced softly.

"Yea, yea…" she said breathlessly, leaning into him so she could…

"What? Buffy, no." …be rejected by Spike, apparently. He quickly dropped her hand, simultaneously taking two steps away from her.

"Spike?"

"If you're going to let me do this good and proper, then we should _really_ slow down on the sex, luv." Buffy swallowed deeply, trying to keep the crestfallen look from forming on her face. She wasn't too successful.

"You don't want me." She said more than asked.

"Bloody hell, woman. Of course I do. But I want you to understand that this is _beyond_ physical for me. I want you to take this dating thing seriously."

"But Spike, I—"

"I know love. God, do I know…" Hell, her need was so incredibly potent, it was a wonder his eyes weren't involuntarily crossing while his jeans burst open at the seams in the crotch area.

"No worries. I'll see you tomorrow night, yea?" He said, backing away from her before he utterly lost his resolve. _God, I want her…_

Buffy found she could do nothing but stand there slack jawed, brows knit together in incredulity as he gave that infamous smirk of his before turning his back on her, seemingly gliding down the sidewalk with a preternatural grace, that was purely his. She had never seen man or vampire who could move like he did.

"Damn him. Damn him, damn him!" She said in a voice akin to a petulant child before stomping up her porch steps.


	11. First Time Jitters

The next day, Buffy decided to take Spike up on his offer, and headed to Downtown Sunnydale to Club Wet. The thought of wearing that silly ass hat for the DMP made her cringe. She wasn't sure if she would get hired for the bouncer position, but she figured it was worth a shot. She was even more surprised when the manager, a Mr. Chris Greene, was expecting her.

"Ah, yes. You must be Ms. Summers. I was hoping you would come in today."

"You were?" She asked, following him to his office.

"Yes. Spike has told me all about you." Buffy's eyes widened slightly in shock, though she wasn't entirely sure why.

"Oh. And um… what did he say about me?"

"That you knew how to handle… what goes on around here. This club of mine, Ms. Summers, is in investment. I don't plan on losing my investment to a bunch of rowdy demons. I've heard the horror stories about the Bronze. Not sure how they managed to stay in business for so long. They can't possibly have the same insurance company."

"You know about that? The demons, I mean."

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I wasn't initially privy in what goes on around here. But one night a few months, back, I was attacked."

"By what?"

"A vampire. That's how I met Spike. He saved my ass. Sorry for the language. Anyway, I told him, whatever he needed… He mostly just asks for a bottle of bourbon or something like that. No skin off my back, really. But the other day, he came in and asked about the position. Said he knew someone who could take care of business. And, since the man saved my life from _something_ that shouldn't have existed in the first place, I took his word on it. But I would like to see a demonstration of this amazing strength you have."

"Um, yea. Sure." Buffy looked around the office, thinking about what she could do. She spied the large, solid oak desk, and an idea suddenly came upon her.

"Okay. Bear with me, cause this is gonna be super awkward." She said as she crawled underneath it. Mr. Greene watched her with an amused expression on his face that rapidly changed to shock and almost disbelief as the desk raised up, up and further as Buffy stood up to her full height.

"I didn't think that lifting up just a corner would do, and even if I did, it would knock off all of your papers and stuff." She said from under the heavy desk. He took in her not so tired demeanor and how she wasn't out of breath. It was like it took no effort at all for her to achieve such a feat. Then she lowered one of her hands, and held the desk with the support of only one of her arms.

"Yes. Ok. You're hired. Definitely."

"So, this is like a big, _big_ day for you, huh? New job, that pays like twice as much as minimum wage, and a date with Spike… How awesome is that?" Dawn asked from her perch on Buffy's bed, watching intently as her sister curled her hair.

"Yea. That job is gonna help us tremendously."

"Notice how she doesn't mention the date with Spike…"

"Come on, Dawnie. What do you want me to say?" Buffy asked, looking back at her through the mirror.

"So um, did you guys boink yet?" Buffy whipped her head around, looking mortified.

"Dawn!"

"Oh come on, Buffy. I'm not stupid ya know."

"Never said you were stupid. But when you use words like 'boink,' it clearly shows how mature you're _not_." Buffy replied before turning back around to finish her hair.

"Did you kiss him at least?" Dawn asked, knowing that she wasn't going to get a real answer on her last question, but figuring it was safe to assume they did. Maybe. Probably… _When will Buffy stop being such a prude and just tell me stuff?_

"Yes."

"When? And give me _all_ the details." She said eagerly, with a large smile on her face.

"Um… after the musical and when Giles left. That's all." Buffy lied.

"Did you kiss him first? Or did he kiss you?"

"Gosh, nosey…"

"Come on, Buffy. Tell me." Dawn pleaded.

"It was mutual, really. Though that second time, I did kiss him first. I'll admit it."

"Do you love him?" Buffy was silent for a moment, and busied herself with deciding on which lip stick to put on.

"Buffy?"

"I don't know Dawn. I… I feel for him."

"'Feel for him?' Queen of vagueness, thy name is Buffy. It's okay if ya do. He loves you so much."

"I know." She said quietly, deciding to go for a lip gloss instead.

"Do you think you'll ever be in love with him?"

"Maybe." She said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Probably." She amended truthfully, carefully applying eyeliner.

"Well, if and when you do, don't be afraid of it, K? I want you to happy." Buffy swallowed deeply, feeling the sting of tears burn at her eyes. Dawn didn't know how much that simple statement meant to her.

"Thank you Dawn." _Me too._ she thought to herself.

Spike walked up the Summers' front porch cautiously, willing his hand to loosen up on the bouquet of roses he held. Twelve blood red roses, with one yellow rose in the middle. He hoped that Buffy would get the symbolism behind it. He felt incredibly self conscious, for he had opted to go without his infamous leather coat that night. Instead, he wore a dark blue button down shirt, the silver chain he fancied, black slacks and new boots. He ran his fingers through his curly, platinum blond locks and rang the doorbell with his free hand. He took a deep, unneeded breath as he heard someone turn the lock, and sighed as the door swung open.

"Hi Spike. Come in." Willow said with a smile and a slight raise of her eyebrows. She ushered him with a silent gesture for him to sit on the couch. He sat down, while she remained standing above him. _Bloody hell. Red's got her "resolve face" on_ he thought. Willow stood before him, arms crossed, attempting to look casual and impassive. She eyed his bouquet intently for a second. As she took them in, her look began to gradually soften.

"Flowers." She said softly.

"Uh, yea. Figured she'd like them." He said, suddenly even _more_ unsure of himself. Willow thought back to nearly a year before when he showed up with flowers, trying to pay his respect to Joyce before being thwarted by Xander. _Poor, misguided, slightly jealous Xander_ she thought.

"She'll love them. Really."

"Good." He replied, about to lay them on the table before placing them back on his lap.

"Yellow is for friendship." She commented offhandedly.

"I know. I put it there cause… Well…" Willow picked up on his unspoken answer.

"Oh, Spike. That's terribly sweet and romantic."

"Well, I had hoped it would be." Willow pursed her lips slightly before walking around the coffee table and sitting beside him.

"I know that you're not doing all this, being sweet and thoughtful and romantic, what with the special date and the symbolic flowers, just to get in her pants. Cause hey, you've clearly already been there." Spike just arched his scarred brow at her, not sure where the hell she was going with this train of thought.

"But even so Spike, don't screw this up, okay?"

"Excuse me?"

"I don't mean that in a bad way… It's just… I think that the two of you could have something really good, ya know? And, and Buffy, after everything she's been through, even before I foolishly ripped her out of Heaven, she deserves something good in her life. And I think… I have this feeling that you aren't just someone in passing, and that you're someone who'll be devoted to her, and make her happy. You both deserve that."

"And what makes you so sure that'll it'll be me to screw it up?" He asked her seriously. Willow tilted her head and looked up thoughtfully.

"Well, now that you mention it… Yea, I'll be sure to have a talk with her too."

"Good. Thanks, Red."

"No problem. She should be down soon." Spike nodded as his gaze involuntarily drifted to the stairs.

"Willow? You do know that she's going through a financial rough patch, right?"

"Of course I do."

"So are you doing anything about it?" He asked, turning his gaze back to her.

"Um, huh?"

"Well, you do live here after all. Are you contributing to rent at all?"

"Yes. Of course." Spike smiled warmly at her.

"Just checking."

"Good man."

"I do try." Just then, Dawn came bounding down the stairs with a huge smile on her face.

"Hey Spike. She'll be right down. Ooh, spiffy." She said in regards to his outfit.

"Thanks, Niblet."

"You should totally dress like that more often. Even though it is kinda weird without the coat." She said, flopping down beside him. "But I dunno. Maybe Buffy will appreciate the difference." She said as she continued to eye him critically. Spike could feel his fingers slightly tighten around the flower stems again. He couldn't seem to will the nervous jitters away. He didn't fully understand why they were even there to begin with. They'd been out before… But this would be their first official date. It was a big deal, wasn't? God, how he longed for a cigarette…


	12. Cut the Chit Chat

"Okay, Buffy. Time for the big entrance." Buffy said to her reflection as she readjusted her dress and cleavage. She grabbed her purse, turned off her light and walked towards the stairs. Her heart seemed to be pounding in her chest harder and faster with each step that she took. She knew he was down there, waiting for her, even without hearing the doorbell to give her warning. She could _feel_ him, and it terrified as well as excited her. She took a deep, calming breath and continued slowly down the stairs…

"Spike, you look a bit nervous." Dawn commented, taking in his rigid demeanor and death grip on the innocent flower stems.

"What? Me? Nah, just waiting patiently…" _Dear God. Get a bloody grip_ Spike thought. Just as he was focusing on not being a nervous Nancy, he heard as well as felt her presence on the stairs. Her heart was beating a mile a minute. He stood up with a strong feeling of concern washing over him, and walked towards the bottom of the stairs.

"Buffy, you alright…" He trailed off when he first got a glimpse of her luscious legs. The light flutter of the pale blue dress she wore set off the tan on her toned legs nicely, while the heels accentuated her calves. When he stepped directly in front of the bottom of the stair case, her breath hitched in her throat at the sight of him. _Good to know I can effect her like that too._ He loved the simple pale blue halter dress that she wore. It left her shoulders bare, and displayed an ample amount of cleavage. Involuntarily, Spike began to match Buffy's rapid breathing. They stood there, him at the bottom of the stairs, her in the middle, staring at each other breathing intensely.

Dawn, noticing Willow shifting uncomfortably on the couch and unsure of what to do, stood up and said, "Hey, don't you think you crazy kids should get out of here?" That seemed to shake Spike from his staring contest with Buffy.

"Oh, right. You look lovely, pet." He said, shifting the flowers uncomfortably. To him, it felt like Dawn and Willow had accidentally witnessed a private moment. His nervous fiddling brought Buffy's eyes to the roses.

"Oh, Spike…" She said softly, heading down the stairs. The flowers were absolutely gorgeous. It was the third time ever she had received flowers from a man, and receiving those from Spike, meant so much to her. He brought them in semblance of their special occasion, not because he was canceling and not because he wanted to send her some sort of perverse message of wanting to torture her. He was merely showing his affection.

She took them gently from his hands and smelled the delicate petals. They looked unbelievably velvety and unreal, but they were. She recalled the last time she received blood red roses- they were from Angelus. She focused on the big yellow one in the center.

"Yellow?" She asked.

"Yea. Cause um, we started in friendship. Sorta." She looked up at him with a huge smile.

"I love it." He gave a half nod with a hint of a smile for a response.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Yea. Willow? Can you put these in water?" Buffy asked her, extending the flowers in her direction before getting a response.

"Sure. And remember: have fun, but don't drink and drive." Willow said as she took the flowers to the kitchen.

"What time will you be back?" Dawn asked.

"Um… don't wait up. Kay?" Dawn gave her a sinister smile.

"Yuh huh. Night guys." Dawn said as she headed upstairs. Spike opened the door for Buffy and motioned with his hand for her to step outside. She did as he silently asked and crossed the threshold onto the porch.

"So, where we going for the evening?" She asked as he entwined her hand with his, walking down the pathway.

"You know, they don't call it a surprise for nothing, luv." Buffy merely pouted to his back as he climbed onto his motorcycle. She got on behind him silently, and wrapped her arms tightly around his torso.

Spike ended up driving them to a new restaurant in Downtown Sunnydale called L'Olivier. It was absolutely lovely as well as terribly romantic with its French antiques, and the main dining hall opening up to an outdoor patio filled with fresh flowers. Candles lit every table top, and Buffy loved the elegant ambience.

"Can we get a table outside?" She asked him.

"Of course." It was a Wednesday night, so the restaurant wasn't packed. They had their pick. Once they were sitting and settled down, orders in and enjoying a glass of wine, a thick silence began to permeate the air.

"Well, this is certainly much nicer than our last date." Buffy commented.

"Last date?"

"Well, there was that time at the Bronze, kinda. It could have been construed as a date. And oh! That time in your car and the bogus suspects, and I probably shouldn't have brought that one up."

"S'alright. Just makin' small talk. So, when was the last time you been on a date anyway? Excluding my first two lousy attempts, of course."

"Um… I dunno. Probably before my mom got sick…"

"Oh."

"Yea. What about you?"

"Me? Dates? Huh. Haven't been on a real date in… Probably decades. Maybe longer."

"Really? You and Drusilla didn't-"

"After awhile you just get to that comfortable stage, you know? That and Dru had been sick for quite a bit."

"Yea. What about Harmony?" He merely arched a brow at her. "Nevermind."

"Say… You told Dawnie bout us?"

"Well I mean, couldn't exactly keep it a secret, could I? Considering we live in the same house, and you were picking me up and all."

"You could have avoided that if you wanted to. Could have met me somewhere." He said quietly.

"I know. But I… I didn't want to. Dawn's my sister, and she was totally excited about it. She adores you, which I'm sure you're aware of. She had been asking all kinds of questions that I wish she didn't know about." She said.

"Like what?" Buffy took a deep breath, a bit embarrassed that Dawn had asked such a thing and that she was now about to repeat said thing to Spike.

"She… more or less asked if we were having sex." Buffy mumbled before taking a gulp of wine. Spike's eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

"Bloody hell! You're serious? _Nibblet_ asked you that?" He asked with a squint of his eyes, slightly leaning forward in his chair towards her.

"As a heart attack." Spike suddenly began to laugh uncontrollably. Buffy couldn't help but smile as well.

"And what'd you tell her?"

"Pretty much 'no comment.' I am _so_ not ready to have those kinds of talks with Dawn. In fact, I'll probably _never_ be ready for talks like that."

"But are you ready for conversations involving the 'r' word with me?" Buffy looked confused for a second before an "Oh" expression bloomed across her face.

"'R' as in relationship, right?"

"Yes."

"With you."

"Yea…" He said with a hint of impatience.

"Well, it has its possibilities." She said thoughtfully.

"Is that so?" Buffy looked at him for what seemed like a long while.

"Yes." She said simply, quietly. "But you have to understand, Spike. I still need time. Relationships with men haven't exactly been my strong point."

"I understand." Buffy's eyes widened at his reply.

"Really? Just like that?"

"Just like that. It's something that you'd prefer to ease into. I get that. Besides, if Red and Dawnie know, and you're really to treat this like a real relationship with public outings, then I can be content with that. I can compromise, you know."

"Ok. I um… I'd like to know more about you- truthfully."

"What? I mean… what is it you want to know?"

"How's about your real name for instance?"

"Oh…" He was extremely silent for a moment.

"Come on, William. Tell me." Spike clenched his jaw briefly before replying in a slow, measured tone.

"William. Jameson. Pratt. You laugh, and suffer the bloody consequences."

"What? No, it's a nice name. Sounds so… proper. And English."

"Well, I was. Proper, I mean. Before… 'Proper' manners, 'proper' education… But it just didn't fit quite right as a vampire. Hard to be tough and swagger when you're all sheltered and proper."

"I guess a badass nickname does work better."

"Yea, that and I got tired of everyone calling me "Willy." Terribly annoying, it was."

"How old were you when you were turned?"

"I was... I almost made it to my twenty-seventh birthday."

"Any siblings?"

"No."

"Were ya… did you ever marry?"

"No, Buffy. I was never married." He said solemnly, looking at his wine glass. Buffy gently touched his hand on the table.

"Hey, it's okay. Marriage really isn't what it's all cracked up to be. My parents were genuine proof of that."

"Is there… is there something else you wanted to know?"

"I'm sorry if this, my questions made you uncomfortable. It's just… You know so much about me. You know nearly _everything_ about me, my family and personal life. You were there for a lot of the life changing moments in my life too. I didn't know much about your personal life beyond Drusilla, and your vampiric age and beyond what those silly watchers knew, which wasn't much, by the way. I was just curious."

"You wanted to know what the man, what William was like, right?" _You wanted to know what I was like with a soul_ he thought.

"If it's alright with you."

"Well, 'proper' certainly described William back then. I liked poetry. Come to think of it, I still do, actually."

"To read?"

"To read, to write…. Though apparently, I wasn't very good at it. The writing aspect of it." Spike gave a laugh that wasn't joyous or bitter, but just simply was. "But I loved to write it all the same."

"Do ya still?"

"God, no." He lied easily. Poetry, even if he didn't always write it down, would always come across his mind. The words would just flow easily together in his thoughts unbidden, and sometimes unwanted. The summer of Buffy's demise, he became inspired greatly by his grief. It was his way of release, so he wouldn't wallow in the pain. He couldn't avoid the temptation of writing a few of them down… But she could never know.

"Why? I'm sure it was lovely."

"Thanks ever so, luv."

"No, I'm serious. You gotta give me something, Spike."

"What?"

"Write me something."

"Buffy…"

"Oh, fine. Well at least… Tell me what you _really_ thought bout me the first time you saw me."

"That's easy. The first time I saw you was in the Bronze. You were on the dance floor with Willow and Xander, looking _incredibly_ provocative. There was just something about you. Made me quite randy too." Buffy just looked at him- mouth agape for a moment before she collected herself.

"Was it cause I was the Slayer?"

"No. It was… it was just you, Buffy. Sure, I had at first wanted a fight to the death before I even saw you or knew who you were, but I will admit that that first time, I felt there was something special, something different about you."

"If you hadn't been involved with Drusilla, do you think things would've been different? I mean, would you have approached me differently?"

"Initially, I probably would've tried just to piss off Angel a bit. But I'm sure it would have only been a matter of time before I fell for you. If Dru hadn't been in the picture, then I wouldn't have you to blame for her leaving me, and thusly wouldn't have hated you so much. But here's an even better question, luv."

"What?" She asked with slight trepidation.

"Well, if Peaches- if _Angel_ hadn't been in Sunnyhell when I first showed up, and I approached in a non 'fight to the death' sort of way, not crashing your party and messing up your doilies and such, would you have accepted my proposal?"

"Oh, come on, Spike." She said with a grin. "I always thought you were hot. And if when we first met you hadn't been trying to kill me, then yea, I would've gone out with you."

"Even without a soul?" He did that sexy head tilt of his as he asked; eyes slightly squinted as if he were trying to figure something out.

"Well… I mean, once I found out, I would have totally freaked. But, this would have been pre-Angelus, coincidentally pre-emotionally damaged Buffy, so, maybe." Spike pondered to himself quietly at that.

"Um, Spike? Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yea. Sure. It's just… is that why you're being hesitant with me? Cause I don't have a soul?" Buffy looked away from him, and gave a silent sigh.

"I suppose."

"Buffy, we've already been… quite intimate with each other, and I haven't done anything remotely homicidal."

"But you have a- "

"What? The chip? Doesn't stop me from burning your house down, or one of your mates. And my chip doesn't work on you luv. And guess what? I could care less. I won't hurt you, Buffy."

"I know." She admitted quietly, large hazel doe eyes boring into his cerulean ones.

"Then why keep bringing it up and harpin' on it when you know that I wouldn't?" She looked slightly ashamed of herself when he said that. She looked at him with sad eyes.

"I don't know, Spike. I don't know what's wrong with me… But I do know that I want to be with you."

"I know you do. I know. Just wish you'd stop fightin' it, is all. Just let yourself go." And she truly wanted to be able to let herself go completely and just surrender her heart to him. Trouble was, she didn't know how to anymore.


	13. Time to Say 'Goodnight'

**Thanks to kargrif. If I'm not mistaken, you're an old reader, right? Good to see at least one of you guys came back :) Hope ya enjoy...**

Spike, not wanting to ruin the evening with serious conversation and various reasons why they _weren't_ official, started some idle chit chat with Buffy. He made her laugh with jokes that had no sexual connotation whatsoever, which was not exactly an easy feat considering with whom he was dining with, and what she was wearing. But Buffy too was on her best behavior. She made a conscious effort to _not_ bring up any sensitive subjects.

At nine, a piano man was on duty, and began to play a lovely, soft tune. Spike extended his hand to Buffy as he gracefully rose out of his chair.

"Care for a dance, love?"

"But Spike, no one else is dancing…"

"So? We can make our own fun. Besides, luv, not many people here anyway. We're the only ones outside now." The few other tables there had left as the pair was eating.

"Okay. Long as it's just a plain old slow dance. No fancy waltzes or anything." She said as she got up, giving him her hand. He gave her a smile and a slight nod of his head as he gently placed his hands on her hips. She put hers on his shoulders, before making her hands touch on his back, hugging him, and bringing them closer until there was no space in between. He squeezed her a bit tighter when he heard her give a contented, little sigh, her warm breath tickling his neck. Buffy felt comfortable; she felt safe; she felt loved in his arms…

On the ride back to her home, there was a comfortable silence. Buffy just held onto Spike, periodically snuggling closer to him, and nuzzling his back with her face. She was tempted to let one hand "wander" down and give him a massage, but she didn't want to ruin the evening by making it about sex. _Tonight's been next to perfect- cept for that whole going home thing._ But when he walked her to the front door, gave her a caress of a kiss on the lips and began to turn away, she decided that the evening was officially over. With a firm gentleness, she grabbed his arm.

"Don't go." Spike simply stood there, looking at her, lips slightly parted and a knit in his brow. Buffy, growing self conscious, began to babble.

"I mean, you don't have to stay, but it'd be nice if you did. Cause I want you to. And if you're worried bout Dawn and Willow, well, we can be quiet, or _attempt_ to be quiet." He gave an arch of his scarred brow at that.

"No love, I wasn't _not_ going to come. I was just… well, in shock that you actually wanted me to come up." He couldn't believe that she wanted him in her room, her domain and sanctuary. Maybe it didn't seem like much to her, but it was damn shocking to him. Pleasing, too.

"Oh…" She replied, feeling guilty that the thought would never have occurred to him, implying her to be cold and distant. _And maybe I have been_ she thought miserably.

"To your room." He wanted confirmation, apparently.

"Well, I do… Staying?"

"You want me to stay till tomorrow?" He asked, still a bit unsure, scratching the back of his head.

"Well, yea. I mean, I don't have school or work, and neither do you."

"Point taken. Lead the way." Buffy gave a sigh of relief and took his hand, leading him into the darkened house and quietly up the stairs. The pair was deathly silent until Buffy closed her bedroom door. Before Buffy could turn around after locking the door, Spike was right behind her, one arm going across her stomach and pulling her flush against him. She gave another content sigh as she reached up behind her and put her hand on the back of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss, demanding, and yet somehow gentle at the same time. He moaned when her tongue came out to greet his, all the while grinding against him provocatively.

"Buffy…" He half mumbled and half groaned as he moved his lips down the column of her neck, kissing and nipping on the side. She didn't protest this time. In fact, she began to moan wordlessly in encouragement. Spike took his free hand and lightly touched her inner thigh before giving it a gentle squeeze. His cool hand worked its way slowly up the soft flesh before coming to a halt at its apex. Spike fingered the lacey edge of her panties in faux idleness, teasing her mercilessly.

"Uh… Spike."

"What, luv?"

"Touch me, please." She whispered, not all that comfortable with talking during moments such as this. Spike hoped to bring her out of her shell, eventually.

"Where, Buffy?" He said huskily before licking the length of her neck, making her shudder.

"You _know_ where." She moved his hand with lack of subtlety a few inches to the right where she needed it most. He could feel her dampness through the lacey material. He caressed her gently with the tips of his long fingers. Buffy moaned in aching protest. Spike was moving _way_ too slow for her liking. Feeling beyond frustrated, she spun around, grabbed a handful of his shirt in both hands, and hurled him onto the bed. She didn't even care about the loud, squeaking bounce noise the bed made when he landed. _"Quietly" be damned_ she thought.

Spike lay there, motionless, staring at her as she kicked off her heels while simultaneously unzipping her dress. She stood there in her strapless bra and panties as he slowly began to unbutton his shirt.

Giving a huff with a roll of her eyes, she walked over to him, bending down and yanking off his boots.

"Hey- don't you want to finesse me?" He asked as he finished the last button.

"You were moving way too slow for me, old man." She said with a grin as she stood up, placing her hands on his shoulders as she began to straddle his lap.

"Yea, well, who has a yen for old geezers such as myself, eh?" Buffy just kissed him in response. Spike pulled away from her after a moment, unfastening her bra as he did so. "You know, we don't have to rush. We can take our time." _I want to make love to you_ he thought, dropping the bra on the carpeted floor.

Buffy went incredibly still when he said that. For some reason, she felt terribly self conscious. It wasn't so much what he said, but how he said it.

"I um… I was going too fast?"

"Well it's just… All about savoring the moment, pet. Or at least, tonight should be." He caressed the side of her face the backs of his cool fingers, and she began to feel better. She nodded into his open palm, staring into his eyes. The only light in the room was from the street lamps outside filtering in through her window. It cast a partial shadow on the right side of his face, but she could still see his features perfectly. She traced one sharp cheekbone with the tip of her finger. Spike placed his hands on her hips, and brought her downward as he leaned back on the bed. Buffy sat up a bit and helped him pull his shirt off, and tossed it behind her to join the other clothes. She swallowed deeply as she lay down beside him, one arm and one leg draped over him. Her leg rested lightly against his erection, her hand tracing circular patterns on his right nipple, giving the occasional squeeze. His right hand reached out to massage her lower back, making her moan.

"Buffy?" Instead of answering, she placed her head on his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his unnecessary breathing, and finding it odd that there was no heartbeat in the mix. She knew of course there wouldn't be one, but it was the breathing that threw her. But she found that she liked it, having her head gently rise and fall by the movement of his chest. It brought an aspect of normality. She leaned over and slowly licked the nipple she had been playing with, making him shudder and exhale a little sigh. She slowly moved downward, her head now resting on his stomach. She slowly began to unbutton his jeans, and slowly pulled down the zipper.

Once he was freed, she pushed up on her forearms, hovering above him. She gave a tentative lick on the head, experimenting. It was only her second time doing this, and she wasn't sure about everything that he liked. But guessing from his moan in pleasure, she figured that she couldn't possibly do much wrong. She cupped his balls and gave them a slight squeeze as she sucked the tip as hard as she could, her tongue licking up his slit simultaneously, causing him to buck up into her mouth. She grabbed the base of him with her other hand, and slowly went up and down as far as she could, hollowing out her cheeks every time she went back up.

Spike tried to keep his moaning in check, but she made it so damn hard… He wished he could see what she was doing to him, but then, the view of her lace covered ass slightly swaying back and forth in front of his face wasn't so bad either. He sat up a bit and got a good hold on her hips. He lifted her up so moved her right over him, her legs on either side of him with her feet on his shoulders. He pulled her backwards a bit, stretching out her torso so that he could reach her good and proper. He squeezed her hips and moaned at the same time as she gave a little twist.

"Saucy minx. Won't be so easily distracted." He gritted out as he pulled the panties down. He inserted a finger inside of her wet opening, causing her moan around him and causing a delicious vibration. He slowly pumped his finger inside of her before adding another, bringing forth another moan from her, making him moan as well.

He licked his free index finger, and then pressed it gently on her vacant hole. He switched hands, and began to use the finger coated in her juices before pressing the finger slowly inside of her. She cried out around his dick from the double sensations, making him pump both finger faster.

"Oh fuck, luv." He murmured. He was getting incredibly close, but he wanted to finish her off first. He removed both fingers from her, and slapped her on both cheeks simultaneously. It shocked her, making her take her mouth off of him and cry out unabashedly. Spike pulled her back even further and delved into her with his tongue mercilessly. Or mercifully. Buffy didn't contain a whimper or a gasp. Spike just made her let go with complete abandon, and totally making her forget that Willow was on the other side of the wall, right next to Dawn. Nothing else mattered. Buffy cried as he rubbed and slightly pinched her slick clit, causing her to shudder above him before collapsing completely on top of him.

Spike gave her a moment to collect herself before he sat up, maneuvering her onto his lap with her back to him. She could feel his hardness pressing underneath her. She wanted it inside of her.

"You alright luv?"

"Yes. Yes…" She said, panting. She pulled her panties the rest of the way down and toed them off onto the floor. She slowly turned around in his arms before straddling him again. She looked at him, ran her fingers through his curls before kissing him with as much passion as she could muster. Together, they fell back on the bed, twisting so that they lay side by side. Spike wanted to be inside of her so badly, but for the first time in awhile, he exercised patience. They simply caressed and explored each other, kissing intermittently. For the second or third time that night, Buffy lost utter control of her will power first. She reached down and pulled him to her entrance, all the while looking at him. Spike leaned over and kissed her deeply, rolling on top of her. Buffy raised her knees, bracing her feet on the bed as he positioned himself. Her back involuntarily arched as he slowly sunk inside of her.

"Oh, Buffy…. Love you. Love you so much." He said into her ear once he was fully sheathed in her. Something akin to a strangled cry emitted from her throat as she thrust upward. Try as he might, Spike just couldn't keep that slow pace going. Buffy just made him utterly lose himself.

"Spike!" She gasped out, throwing her head back, exposing her neck. Spike wasn't sure if it was an accident or on purpose. But when she looked back at him, and her eyes widened, he knew that he had accidentally slipped into game face. He slowed down to a complete stop at the questioning look upon her face before turning his head away as he shifted back.

"No. It's okay. Change back." He took a tentative look at her with a tilt of his head. Even though he was hesitant, he shifted back. Buffy pulled him down into a gentle kiss as she thrust against him. She accepted him. She accepted the full presence of his demon during a truly intimate moment between them. In moments, a complete calm came over Spike, and he came long and hard.


	14. Ball of Confusion

**A/N: I'm having terrible fun (re)writing this for us. Also, sorry if the middle is a bit redundant in reference to the actual "Dead Things," but read on, cause I totally changed the ending. I think Mr. DeKnight made Buffy a bit too violent… Anyway, "Older and Far Away" is next, and Spike is giving Buffy a kick ass gift. Oh yea, somewhere between those two eps, Christmas and New Year's Eve occurred (Buffy's B Day is January 19th), and I haven't exactly thought about how Spike and Buffy spent it… I suppose I could do a short chapter before the birthday bash if anyone is interested. However, it would take me longer to think about it and actually post it, cause I only thought about it just last night. Let me know what you think…**

"Oh gosh. Oh gosh…." Dawn thought to herself. When she had been curious about Spike and Buffy boinking each other, she really didn't want to find out _this_ way. If only she could go back to sleep… Dawn, trying to block out the noise as well as the impending mental scarring, got out of bed and picked up her CD player. She put on her headphones and turned up NSYNC as loud as she could.

_Do you ever wonder why, this music gets you high…_ Dawn laid on her back, humming along to the song, attempting to get comfortable… But it was simply impossible. Dawn _never_ slept on her back, but she had no choice- she couldn't lay sideways because of the headphones— it irritated her ear something awful. A growl of frustration emitted from her lips as she slammed her fists on the bed. She had to get up early for school tomorrow. _Buffy is so gonna pay…_ She thought evilly to herself.

SSSSSSSS

"Okay… _So_ not listening. Nope. Can't hear a single thing. Damn it." Willow thought aloud ruefully. She didn't have a CD player like Dawn did to drown out the noise. In fact, the noises coming from Buffy's room were magnified since her room was right next to it.

_Gosh I hope Dawnie's asleep and that she stays that way…_ Willow, finally thinking that maybe she should make her awake state known to the pair humping like bunnies right next door, got out of the bed, unnecessarily went out into the hallway, semi stomping as she went to the bathroom and made as much noise humanly possible. Then she came out and not so discreetly slammed the door.

"Oh gosh, so tired. Guess I'll go back to sleep now." The sound of raucous laughter from the two followed her as she went back to her room. The noises quieted down, but didn't cease all night…

SSSSSSSS

Buffy was having one of the best sleeps she'd had in a long while- deep, soothing, and terribly comfortable. So when Spike began to scream bloody Mary, the sound of it startled her so much that she felt like she was going to have a heart attack.

"What!" She yelled, frantic, not sure what was happening.

"Sun light! Fire! Combustible vamp here!" Spike yelled back, rolling over her and onto the floor. Buffy, officially woken up from her blissful sleep, leapt out of bed on the other side, and quickly closed the drapes. She then grabbed her blanket and hung it over the drapes for double protection.

"I'm sorry." She said sincerely apologetic as she walked around the bed towards him.

"S'alright, luv. Just a bit singed. No worries." He said as he got up slowly. "Bloody hell. If I wasn't sore before…" He trailed off as he gingerly got back into bed.

"Sorry bout that too." She said meekly. Spike just gave her a wicked grin before grabbing her wrist and pulling her on top of him.

"Don't _ever_ be sorry about that luv. I like it." He said softly as he cupped her face, kissing her deeply. She shortly broke the kiss off and flopped down on top of him, head in the crook of his neck.

"Mmm… Sleepy." She said with a yawn, making herself comfortable on his lithe form.

"Then get some rest, pet. I think we've both-" A knock on the door interrupted him.

"I know you guys are awake in there. I just wanted to say that for the record- you both totally suck. I hardly got any sleep last night, so if I nod off in class and get in trouble, it's so your fault. I'm going now to an inevitable rotten day at school." She finished, her teenaged girly feet clomping down the stairs. Buffy moaned in mortification, Spike stroking her hair all the while.

"And I thought it was just Willow. I _never_ meant for Dawn to hear… stuff."

"Well, can't keep her from everything, luv. Not that this was a good way to hear about the birds and the bees. No pun intended." Spike and his soothing hands and soothing voice soon put Buffy into another, peaceful slumber, melting all her worries away…

SSSSSSSS

The weeks just completely flew by. Buffy started her new job, and got off of work just a couple of hours before sunrise, giving her enough time to go to Spike's crypt. Some days, he'd go to her place and stay with her during the day, eating chocolate (Spike was a total chocoholic), watching soaps, cuddling, and of course, lovely calorie burning activities. Buffy totally didn't want to ever again keep Dawn and Willow awake again or wake them up in the middle of the night, simultaneously embarrassing herself, so the only time they were intimate in her house was when they were the only ones there. Especially one Monday- Spike had brought a pair of handcuffs and introduced to her to… new things. There would have been no way for her to contain her screams of pleasure, so thank goodness no one was there to hear it. _Unless of course, the neighbors had been home… Oh well._

So tonight, it being Tuesday and her day off and all, she decided to head over to Spike's and help him patrol. Okay, so she was really just heading over to spend more time with him… but they could patrol too. Buffy, ever the polite one, knocked on his door first before entering.

"Spike?" Several seconds after being inside of his crypt, she realized he wasn't there. Her Spike sensors weren't going off. Refusing to pout, _I will not pout,_ she left out and started her patrol, hoping that by chance she'd run into him. _I mean, it's eleven o'clock. Where the hell is he?_

She walked around the cemetery listlessly, feeling quite forlorn. And lonely. The sound of a woman screaming broke her from her thoughts. She started to run, following the sound into a nearby forest. She saw a figure in a robe, and tackled him immediately.

She fell to the ground, and the figure was gone. Like, "poof" gone.

"Huh?" She asked to no one, apparently. Then there was a whooshing noise, and the girl was several yards away, lying on the ground and crying, covering her ears.

"It's okay. I'm going to get you out of here. Can, can you walk? Are you hurt?" Buffy asked as she walked closer. Before she could get to her, there's another whooshing noise, and she's gone. All that's left is this horrible whispering…

_What did you do? What did you do? Buffy... Buffy_

She put her hands over her ears, looking around anxiously. Then out of nowhere, Spike appears, sitting on the ground holding his jaw with a bleeding lip.

"Bloody hell. What'd you do that for?" He asked.

"Spike? " Then all of a sudden, he wasn't there anymore. Instead, there was another robed figure about to attack her. Two of the demons are attacking her, and a third attacking a now reappeared Spike.

"Buffy!" Spike yells to her, and then he's right in front of her, cool as a cucumber and sans bloody lip.

"Buffy, luv. Thought you had to work tonight?"

"Spike, what's happening?"

"Nothing yet…" He says with a sly grin. Just as he was about to embrace her, he disappears again, and they're fighting the robed demons. Buffy in all of the confusion, accidentally punches Spike.

"Bloody hell. What'd you do that for?" He asked her again, lip bleeding. A patch of empty air begins to shimmer and the three demons appear, charging forward. Buffy turns and begins fighting two of them as Spike takes the third.

Buffy punches one demon and he goes down next to the crying woman, as Buffy continues fighting the other. The second demon gets up and Buffy swings at him.

_Whooshing noise_. Everything changes again, and Buffy swings at empty air.

_Whooshing noise_. Something hits Buffy in the face.

_Whooshing noise_. Buffy holds a dead demon in her arms.

_Whooshing noise_. A demon punches her in the face.

Buffy's head goes back, but she hears that damn "whoosh" noise again, and she knows that something changed. There's a dead demon on the ground behind her. In front of her, Spike is fighting the third demon.

"Buffy!" He calls out to her again. _What is this? Some horrible déjà vu?_ She thinks to herself. She whirls around, takes a punch to the face, kicks and punches the second demon until he goes down.

A hand grabs Buffy's shoulder and she whirls, still in fight mode, backhanding the woman so hard that she went flying back and over the edge of a hill, falling to the ground and rolling down. Buffy watched this in complete horror. Behind her Spike is still fighting the third demon.

"Oh god." She whispered to herself, before running down the hill. She heard Spike calling out to her, but she couldn't stop- she had to see if the woman was okay.

And she wasn't. She was unmoving. Not breathing.

She was dead.

"What did I do? What did I…" She felt sick. She didn't know what to do, so she just sat there in the leaves, staring at her unmoving body, willing her to get up.

"Buffy?" Spike asked her from behind.

"She's dead." She replied quietly in anguish. "I killed her."

"We have to go."

"What happened?" She asked more to herself than him, on the verge of tears.

"There's nothing you can do now. We have to go before someone sees you."

"What did I do?" She whispered in horror.

"We have to go, now!" He said fiercely. Spike grabbed her by the arms and draged her to her feet. Buffy was in a terrible shock, and felt like she couldn't move. Spike stoped, and braced her against the trunk of a tree.

"All right. Listen to me. Buffy. Buffy!" He yelled as he shook her, for she wasn't giving him a response. He feared she'd go into one of those catatonic states again.

"She's dead."

"It was an accident." He tried to reason.

"I killed her." She said again.

"I'm gonna get you home."

"No!" He gripped her a bit more firmly at that.

"I'm gonna get you home, and you're gonna crawl in your warm comfy bed and stay there!" He took a deep, unneeded breath in an attempt to calm himself. No sense in them both getting flustered. "We're gonna sort this out. Trust me." He pleaded softly. Buffy just stared at him. He wasn't sure if she was fully registering anything.

Spike took her home, kissed her on the forehead and told her that things would be fine and that she should get some rest. She laid down and soon fell asleep… Only to be awakened by confusing, creepy nightmares where she was staking Spike and he turned into that girl. She had his eyes when she slammed that stake into her chest _The girl that I killed._ Even if it was an accident, she had to turn herself in. She didn't want to forget about it, or not care. She didn't want to become Faith. She wasn't a murderer. So she did the only thing she thought she could do, and what she thought was right. She decided to turn herself in…

SSSSSSSS

Spike, having this gnawing feeling in his gut, disposed of the body as quickly (and carelessly) as possible. He knew his Buffy, and he knew that there was no way in hell that she'd just sit at home and forget it all. _No. She just had to be the martyr, didn't she?_

He waited, leaning against the wall in the alley across from the police station. He was able to barely finish one cigarette before he felt her presence. He saw her from the shadows as she walked down from the other end, face set and determined. He stepped out in front of her, blocking her way.

"What are you doing, luv?" He asked, looking at her steadily. He could tell she'd been crying.

"The right thing." She said before attempting to walk around him. Spike grabbed her shoulders and spun her towards the wall, pinning her there. This time, she did struggle. But Spike wouldn't let her leave. He couldn't let her go.

"Sorry luv. Can't let you do that."

"I have to tell them."

"Nothing happened." Spike said in a voice that left no room for arguments.

"I _killed_ that girl!" Buffy said, almost desperately.

"Demons in the woods? Time going wonky? They won't believe you."

"I'll show them."

"Show them what?" He asked coolly. Buffy's eyes widened in surprise.

"What did you do?"

"I took care of it."

"What did you do!" She yelled, angry.

"What I had to. I took care of it. It doesn't matter now. No one will ever find her." In the distance, they both hear two cops talking about how they in fact _did_ find a body in the river, washed up about half a mile from the cemetery.

"Oh… balls." Spike said, rolling his eyes in irritation. Alright, so in his killing days, he never worried about the hiding the bodies. He didn't care. Hiding bodies was not his expertise, clearly.

"Ok. But there still isn't anything to connect this to you."

"It doesn't matter, Spike."

"But it wasn't your fault!" He yelled in frustration.

"I killed her!" She yelled back. She couldn't seem to get away from those three words.

"It was an accident. It just happened." Spike said a bit calmly.

"Nothing 'just happens." She said, pushing him away and off of her. She started towards the police station again. She only made it two steps before Spike grabbed one of her wrists.

"You're not going in there."

"I have to do this. Just let me go." She said, eyes full of unshed tears.

"I can't. Won't. I love you, and I can't let you destroy your life over this. You will _not_ throw everything away." He shifted into game face as he said all this, angry and distraught.

"It's not your choice."

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" He really couldn't understand it.

"A girl is dead because of me! Accident or not, she is dead. Her family deserves to know what happened to her. I can't… I just can't go on pretending as if tonight never happened. Can't you see this is killing me? I can't…" She trailed off, the tears finally breaking free.

"Oh sweetheart." He said softly, pulling her to him, his game face melting away. "And what of the people you saved? What of the people you won't be able to save if you're locked away somewhere, wasting away?" He said softly. "And Buffy… I'm not sure I can explain this to you fully, but I don't think you actually killed her."

"What?" She asked, looking up at him. He stroked her hair, not sure how he was going to explain this next bit. It might assuage her guilt, but it would make him look like that much more of a monster. But he had to help her, anyway he could.

"Her body… I know that it's a bit chilly tonight, but her body was cooler than it should have been if she had truly just recently been killed. I think she may have died a few hours before we came across her." Buffy just shook her head, looking at the ground.

"It doesn't matter. I have to tell them what I know. There is no other way." Spike swallowed deeply, afraid… Afraid of losing her altogether.

"Let me come with you?" He asked her, looking at her tear stained face, feeling this horrible knot in his chest. She nodded, and he let his hand slip down her wrist to her hand, holding it tightly. The closer they got to the station, the sicker Spike felt. But he had to be strong, for her.

They walked up to the desk Sergeant, and Buffy asked timidly, "Excuse me. I- I need to…"

"Uh, I'll be with you in a second." He replied, hardly looking at the pair. He pushed a flashing button on the phone. "Sunnydale PD. Yeah, the phone's ringing off the hook here. Listen, you got an ID on that body yet?" Buffy closes her eyes in pain at that, and Spike just gives her hand a little squeeze. "Yeah? Okay, shoot. Katrina ... Silber. S-i-l-b-e-r." Buffy's eyes widen in shock and recognition.

"Warren." She says to Spike, pulling him out the door.

"What?"

"I think you're right. I didn't do this… That girl, she was Warren's old girlfriend. He had something to do with this, I know it. Those demons, the messed up time… We gotta… We gotta research this. " Buffy said tiredly.

"Sure, but you gotta get some rest first. It's late, and all your Scoobies are sleep. We'll research tomorrow, yea? If it was Warren, and I can't believe he had the stones to... He isn't going anywhere anytime soon." Buffy, much too drained to argue, allowed Spike to lead her home for the second time that night. Once Spike made sure she was tucked up tight, he turned to leave, but Buffy grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

"Stay." She said. Spike wasn't sure if she was asking or demanding. Either way, he didn't care. He took off his coat and boots and crawled in beside her, and just held her. He held her all night as she slept, and worried about their tomorrows…

_I (clearly) borrowed some dialogue. This episode was written by Steven S. DeKnight, and transcribed by Joan the English chick here: okay, it won't let me post the address, so if you want to know, submit a review or email me and I'll tell ya._


	15. Your Eyes Speak to Me

Thanks again to kargrif, cause she kicks ass!

"**Your Eyes Speak to Me"**

After the localized temporal disturbance caused by the rare Rwasundi, Spike went back to Warren's place, only to find out through his mum that he'd left. He snuck into the boy's room later one night, and swiped something personal of his. Figured Tara could do a locator spell. She did, only there was a block on it. _Clever, rotten bastard_ Spike thought ruefully. Tara wasn't powerful enough to surpass his counter spell. It was just well. The nerdy Troika had been quiet for the past couple of weeks. They managed to make it through Christmas and New Year's without a peep from them.

But Spike had other things on his mind, of course. A certain slayer's twenty-first birthday was coming up in a few days. He'd been saving for it for awhile, but he was still forty seven dollars short of his goal. He'd been working a few nights out of the week at the docks, moving around heavy objects. And he'd also been beating the hell out of rich, drunken, college frat boys at pool and poker. It was a nice chunk of change, it was.

"Well, one more game of kickin' college ass at pool, and Buffy's gift will be good and ready." He said to himself as he headed out to the Bronze. Less than an hour and a half later, he was seventy dollars up.

"You cheatin' son of a bitch." The college boy said to him in a low voice, his friends looking none too happy as well.

"Hey now. I didn't cheat. You just aren't as good as you thought you were." Spike said with a smirk. To be fair, he'd been playing since before he and his buddies were born, but still. He didn't have to cheat. Well, at pool anyway. "Nice game, gentleman. Perhaps we'll have a rematch another time, yea?" Spike said, walking out the back door before waiting for a response.

"Get 'im!" The sore loser yelled, having followed Spike outside. Spike was about to run out of the alley, but two more of sore loser's friend's were blocking the entrance, slowly advancing on him.

"Bloody hell." He muttered to himself. Spike took one good swing on sore loser, knocking him to his feet, only to fall to his feet as well from the splitting headache behind it. Once he was down, the frat boys didn't plan on him getting up…

Xander, feeling awfully troubled, headed out to the Bronze for a few drinks. Alone, of course. He needed to think. To ponder. To figure out if this whole marriage thing was really the right thing to do. As he got closer, he saw a group of guys resembling football players surrounding someone, stomping the hell out of the poor guy. Or what he hoped was a guy as opposed to a girl. One of them screamed, and was soon after followed by a painful yell of "Bloody hell!"

"Spike." He said to himself, heading back to his car…

There were six of them, and Spike couldn't hit them back without hurting himself even more. But he didn't want to just lay there and take it either- he had his pride after all. But after that last zap from the sodding chip, he couldn't take it anymore. He curled himself in a protective ball, and attempted to wait it out. They had to get tired eventually, right? He groaned from a repeated kick to his kidney. Suddenly, he heard this loud horn blaring, and there were beams of light filtering in between the blokes who was currently kicking his ass.

"Oh shit. He's gonna hit us. Run, you guys!" One of them yelled, and they all scampered off as a car drove full force right at them. It came to a screeching halt right before Spike.

"Spike! Come on!" Harris yelled to him.

"Oh great. Xander's my bloody hero. How the hell am I gonna live _that_ down?" He groused to himself as he slowly got up, limping over to his car. He managed to get himself in, and Xander sped off.

"Sweet, merciful Zeus, Spike. What happened?"

"Beat a bloke out of his dosh and it pissed him off royally. Got his buddies to help kick my," he paused as he winced in pain. "Ass. Accused me of cheating."

"Did you? I mean, not that they had the right to beat you up or anything."

"No. Long as I still got the money…" He said with a triumphant grin, pulling the bills out of his coat pocket with a crooked, bloody grin. "Gotta get the Slayer a present, don't I?" He said more to himself than Xander.

"Yuh huh." Xander said slightly pensive, glancing at him with his peripheral. "Say um, Spike. You're an objective kind of guy. All insightful, usually. Do you think… do you think that me with the, ya know, getting married is such a bright idea?" He asked nervously.

"What is it that you're lookin' for?"

"Huh?"

"Do you want me to talk you out of it, or reassure you?" Xander glanced at him at that.

"What I want is for you to be honest with me. I mean… yea, okay. Maybe, no probably definitely, this is weird for me to ask you, but hey, we know each other. And I don't have any close male friends… Oz is gone, Riley- "

"Good bloody riddance." Xander continued as if he wasn't interrupted.

"And Giles… You're the only one who's left. And we don't even like each other too much. Usually. Most times…" Spike turned to him and looked at him with his one now good eye. The other was rapidly closing shut from the beating.

"All right. I see the way she looks at you, and you're damn lucky to have her. To have someone love you so much that…" Spike gave a chuckle and shook his head a bit. "Bloody hell, Harris. She stuck around an apocalypse all for you. And we both know how much she hates those." Xander laughed a bit too.

"Yea. She did."

"I know you're scared, and that's all right. But Xander, you aren't your father." Xander visibly stiffened at that. "I mean it. I lived with you, and your old man was a horrible, bitter, drunken bastard. Still is, I'd wager. Your mum deserved better. But you aren't him. You could never become that. It just isn't in your nature. So no worries." Spike finished, easing back into the passenger seat.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Not being nice. No. Just being honest. What you asked for, innit? Sides, the two of you are bloody perfect for each other."

"Yea. Thanks, Spike." Spike grunted in response, looking out the window.

"Say um, Xander… mind if I ask you a hypothetical question?"

"What's on your mind?"

"Well. Okay. Suppose I was to ask Buffy out on a date? Now wait before you say anything," He started, cutting Xander off before he could get a word of opposition out. "This is hypothetical. And I hope you know by now that I care about her very much." Xander thought back to that day- that dark day when she… Spike went through a terrible depression shortly after. Dawn managed to snap him out of it, though. But it'd been so eerie to see the usually cocky and self assured vampire so weak and devastated. He had been hurting just as much as the rest of them.

"Yea…"

"It's just that… You, and Red, Dawnie and Giles. You're her family. She values your opinions very much. It's just, I'm not sure how much of a chance I have with her, um, hypothetically," He lied. "But I know that I won't stand a chance if you lot don't give her the green light."

"What? Spike, that's ludicrous. Buffy will do what she wants."

"Is that right? Come on, you know as much as I do that Buffy tries to protect you all so much that sometimes, she's willing to sacrifice her own happiness. And I know I can make her happy. But I just need a bit of slack from you."

"Me? Why me?"

"Because, you nit. She's going to talk to you about it, hypothetically, when I ask her out. Ask you what you think… And if you keep going on about the 'Spike is evil and bad' tirade that you're so fond of, I won't stand a chance. I'm asking you for a favor."

"So, what? You're asking me to help you get into my best friend's pants?"

"No. Buffy would _not_ just a role in a hay to me. Stop playing that bloody card. And hey, Buffy and Willow didn't bitch about you and Anya."

"What? That's totally different! Anya's human."

"No she isn't. Well, technically yes, but- "

"What do you mean she's _not_?"

"For starters, she asked to become a demon. I never asked to be vamped. She's lived _ten_times as long as I have, and did probably ten times, if not more so kills than I did. But did you hear the Slayer and Red complain about it?"

"Well actually, Willow kinda did… What's your point?"

"My point is she only lost her power center. Other than that, she's exactly the same as she was when she was a vengeance demon. Only now she's powerless. But it didn't stop her from loving you with all that she is, did it? Didn't stop her from making sacrifices… And now everyone accepts her. I want that. I want to be able to make Buffy happy. I'd do anything for her." He said softly. "But none of it matters if there's a nay sayer among her precious Scoobies. You know that. Just… give her a chance to be happy. And if I'm not the one, then let her discover that on her own. Sound fair?" Xander sat quietly for a long time, letting it all sink in. Spike finally stopped looking at him, his shoulders slightly slumped in defeat.

"All right, Spike. But if you screw this up... Just remember that I know where you live."

"Wouldn't expect anything less." Spike said quietly, a small smile of success gracing his face.

"So Buffy, excited bout the impending party?" Willow asked while she set up the punch and cups.

"Yea. Sure. I'm just feeling a bit antsy. In general." She added quickly.

"Right. And it's been two whole days since you've seen Spike, huh?" Buffy just pouted in response. "Don't worry. He'll be here. I know he wouldn't miss this."

"I know. It's just… I'm just curious where he's been and what he's been up to the past few days."

"Buffy…" Willow said in a reprimanding voice.

"What? I can't be curious all of a sudden?"

"Look, Spike will be here with some spectacular gift I bet. And um… will Tara be here too?"

"She said she would."

"How did she sound? I mean…" Willow trailed off nervously.

"I told her that you've been way better, and she sounded happy to hear it. She's definitely coming." Willow gave a smile of relief at that.

"Well. That's just darn tootin' good, isn't? Oh, and… I kinda found out about that thing you wanted me to look into?"

"Ok. Spill it." Buffy said, sitting on the arm of the couch as Willow stood before her.

"Well, you see, there's nothing wrong with you, but ... you are different. Shifting you out of ... from um, where you were ... funneling your essence back into your body ... it altered you on a basic molecular level. Probably just enough to confuse the sensors or whatever in Spike's chip. But it's all just surfacey physical stuff. It wouldn't have any more effect than ... a bad sunburn." Buffy sat with a little frown on her face.

"So, that's it? I'm still me?"

"Yea." Willow said a bit nervously, not sure how her friend would take this, well, good news. Buffy just shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, okay. I… have to go change. There's an impending party, and guests will be arriving shortly. Gotta go get ready for the guests."

"Gotta go change and look perdy for Spike, huh?" Willow said nonchalantly as Buffy headed up the stairs.

"Shut, up, Will." Buffy replied, heading to her room to find the perfect outfit…

"So, do I look okay? It's been two bloody days, and some of these scars are still here." Spike said to Clem as they were walking towards the Summers' home.

"Would you stop being such a worry wart? You look fine. I thought chicks liked the bruised and battered look. Should look mighty sexy to a Slayer."

"Yea, well… I'm still nervous as hell."

"What? You mean the-"

"Yea. Haven't shown them to anyone since… Well, since Angelus, really. So it's been about a hundred years."

"Spike- it was so great!" Clem said enthusiastically. "It almost made me cry, really. It was so… so touching and heartfelt."

"Well, we'll get the final verdict soon, won't we?" Spike said as he walked up the back porch steps.

Buffy was in the kitchen, drinking a cup of punch as she waited for guests to arrive. So far, it was only her, Willow, Dawn, a nervous Tara and her friend from work, Justin. She was standing at the kitchen island, wondering if Spike was going to bring her a surprise. For Christmas, he got her some nice lingerie. But when she wore it for him later, well, let's just say it didn't last too long. Maybe he didn't think birthdays were too important. _Hmm… I wonder when his birthday is…_ The sound of the kitchen door opening broke her out of her musings. She turned and saw a freshly bruised Spike with his loose skinned demon friend.

"Spike? What happened to you?" She asked as she went to him, caressing his bruised face gently.

"S'alright, luv. Just a bit of a scuffle. Oh, this is Clem. You've met him before."

"Yea, I remember. Kitten poker guy. How are ya?"

"I'm fine. Happy birthday Slay- er um, Buffy. Well, um, guess I'll just go join the party." He said, sensing the pair had a few things to discuss.

"What happened?" She asked him again, a crinkle in her brow.

"Just as I said love. A little fight, but all's well in the world now. Listen um, can we have a bit of privacy for a second?" He asked, gesturing outside.

"Of course." She said. He opened the door and allowed her to lead the way.

"Look, um… I'm a bit nervous, but anyway, here's your gift." He said, handing her an envelope before stepping backwards. He leaned against the rail and lit up a cigarette, waiting as patiently as he was capable of for her to open up the envelope. She stood there and just looked at him for a few seconds. His patience wore out.

"Well, would you just open the soddin' envelope already?" He asked, nervousness bleeding through in his voice.

"Alright. Jeeze…" She said, looking down and carefully opening the envelope. There was a folded sheet of parchment paper, and a slip of paper in front of it. She pulled them both out, and saw that the slip of paper was a money order.

"Four hundred and fifty dollars!" She exclaimed.

"Well, yea…" He said uneasily, suddenly not sure it was such a good idea. "Twenty-one dollars for every twenty-one years. Well, plus nine. Figured an even four hundred and fifty sounded better than four hundred forty-one."

"Four hundred and fifty dollars! Why?"

"Well, figured it'd be nice for you to have a bit of cash to spend on yourself. You know, go to a spa or something. I mean… you don't like it?" He asked with that head tilt, a squint to his eyes.

"I mean… it's not that I… I don't know what to think about… Spa?"

"Yea. Spas aren't cheap, these days. And did you know they expect a tip too? It'd be one helluva bill."

"Thank, thank you, Spike." She said, going up to him and giving him a tight hug.

"Sure… You gonna read that?" He asked, looking anywhere but at her.

"Yea." She said, unfolding the heavy paper. It was a poem in the most beautiful cursive she'd ever seen. As she began to read, her heart began to pound furiously.

_A light and beauty,  
The likes of which I've never  
Seen.  
You cut through the  
Darkness  
That lay within me.  
Unburied a man that  
Should have been long dead.  
It wasn't just the chip  
Imbedded in my head.  
It was you;  
Into an abyss I was  
Lead,  
Dark and thick with a  
Love long overdue.  
Terrible and wonderful in  
Its joy celebrated in rue.  
Your eyes say things  
I never hear from you.  
I long for the day when  
To yourself you'll be true.  
But know this, eternal  
Keeper of my Heart:  
I will love you still.  
From you, I'll never  
Part. _

Love,

W.J.P.

Buffy felt tears sting at her eyes. She looked up at him as one escaped.

"I know it's not very good, but I mean, you asked me that one time to show you what I-"

"'Not very good?' What are you, insane? It was… it was beautiful. No one's ever… _No one_ has ever written me a poem, Spike. Or brought me roses, or took me out somewhere that wasn't at the Bronze or a frat party, or a picnic. No one's ever looked at me as intensely as you do." She finished before kissing him passionately, flinging her arms around his neck. In that moment she knew that she loved him. Loved him for all that he was; loved him for loving every part of her. If only she could tell him…


	16. Fancy Ideas

**Thanks to kargif and Daniel (good to see a new reader :)**

**_"Fancy Ideas"_**

In the end, Buffy couldn't tell him. Instead, she asked him, "Can you be brief?"

"Not one of my favorite things luv… But it's your party after all."

She dragged him through the kitchen and down into the basement, pulling him against her as she leaned against the wall. There was no need for any more words. He knew what she wanted, yanked down her pants, unzipped his, and gave it to her in full. No words, no waiting. His tip brushed her drenched entrance, and in one long, deep thrust, he was deep inside of her, making her cry out.

About ten minutes later after furious and frantic pumping and thrusting and moaning, they were both panting profusely, foreheads touching, grasping at each other. Spike gave her hips a tight squeeze with an "Hmm," as Buffy exhaled, hands resting on his shoulders.

"Ok. It's party time." Buffy said a bit breathlessly, still not pulling away from him.

"You okay?" He asked, letting her go and bending down to pull up her jeans. When he stood up, she began to zip up his pants as he zipped up hers.

"This is new- helping each other put our clothes on... But yea, better than okay, really. Thirsty, though." He gave her a lingering kiss on her forehead before grabbing her hand.

"Come along now. Time to go celebrate the birthday girl."

The party was in full swing, though when Xander showed up with his friend Richard from work, Spike was none too happy about it.

"What? It's good to have options, ya know?" Xander said with a grin to the vampire.

"Mm hmm…" Spike responded before walking away with a roll of his eyes. _Wanker._ Xander ignored Spike's sour attitude and headed over to his best friend.

"So Buffy, what do ya think of my pal Richard?" Xander said all smiles. Buffy gave him a warm smile in return, but she wasn't looking at him. No, she was looking past him at the leather clad vamp.

"He's nice, Xander. Really. But I really don't fancy him is all." She said a bit dreamily, gazing at Spike. Xander followed her gaze, and swallowed deeply once he saw who her gaze ended on. He didn't even want to _think_ about how she just used the word "fancy."

"I guess Richie's a bit too… young?"

"Hmm?" She asked, not completely paying attention.

"I'm guessing Spike asked you out already, right?" Buffy's eyes widened at that.

"I don't know what you're- "

"No, it's okay. Spike kinda asked me if it was alright if he asked you out."

"He did what!"

"I gave him my blessing, kinda… And I assume you agreed to go out with him? What with the way you're ogling him and what not." Buffy gave a noncommittal shrug.

"I said yea, I'd go out with him sometime." Xander gave her a look like he suspected something.

"Yuh huh. Well Buff, whatever you do is up to you. I just want you to be happy, ya know? And if…Spike," He said, with a hand gesture that _clearly_ suggested he was none too sure about what he was about to say next. "Is that guy, at least for now, then so be it. Well at least, I like him better than Angel." He said with a small smile, before walking off to join Anya. Buffy just stood there in a stunned silence. Then Richard came over and politely asked if she wanted a drink or anything. She politely declined.

So, there he was, just minding his own business, yup, not paying any heed to the Slayer chattin' up dainty Richard (nope, he hadn't at all), when all of a sudden, the Slayer is pulling on his sleeve and dragging him into the hallway.

"What is it, Slayer? Hankerin' for a rough and tumble and poor Dick over there couldn't cut it?" He asked an indifferent tone, which was the exact opposite of how he felt.

"What? Richard? Ooh, is someone jealous?" She asked sweetly, smiling up at him, running her fingers up and down the lapels of his jacket.

"Pft. No. Just… just asking."

"Spike, if and when I have a hankering for a rough and tumble, you'll know who I'll be coming to." Spike got that deep look of desire in his eyes, leaning closer to her.

"I damn well know who you'll be coming with." He said huskily, bending his head in to kiss her. She moaned when their lips met, but broke it off a second later.

"Not that I want to stop or anything, but this isn't why I pulled you over here." He pouted at that.

"What'd you pull me over here for then? Just gettin' a bloke all hot and bothered for fun then, is it? S'alright, though. You're the one who's getting her birthday licks in her birthday suit later." He said with a waggle of his eyebrows. Buffy thrust her pelvis against his, discreetly of course.

"You, are such a perv."

"And you love it." He said with a smile. _I love you_ she thought.

"Anyway, um, what did you say to Xander?"

"No worries. I just asked him if it was okay if I asked you out on a date. And since we're already dating… if he ever saw us out somewhere, well, you wouldn't have to hide anything." Buffy felt terribly guilty then for keeping them a secret. But she wasn't ready to come out then. She was all "stay inny." She gave him another quick kiss and a hug.

"Thank you." Before she could do anything else, Spike pushed her off of him.

"What are you-"

"Gee Slayer, give a fella break. Just trying to enjoy the party like everyone else." Spike said before walking away, leaving behind a confused Buffy.

"So um… y- you were giving Spike a _hard_ time, huh?" Tara asked a bit shyly as well as mischievously from behind her.

"What? Um… Ya know, I was just…"

"Giving Spike a kiss and a big ol' bear hug?" Buffy just stood there, folding her arms across her.

"So what if I was?" Buffy said, looking at her stylish, yet affordable boots instead of at Tara.

"Buffy, it's okay. I'm not going to judge you about your private relationships. I'm a lesbian witch, remember?" Tara said with a little smile before walking away. It made Buffy feel more at ease.

The rest of the party went off without a hitch. Except for when the next day rolled around, they realized that none of them could leave. Anya realized this when she tried to leave for the Magic Box, worrying about her precious money and potential customers who would give her their precious money.

Nearly the whole day passed to no avail as to why they were stuck, so Tara attempted to do a general releasing spell, in which she inadvertently released a demon trapped in a nifty sword Buffy had picked up during patrol. They had been trapped in the house for nearly twenty-four hours, with a deadly demon lurking in the walls.

Buffy went to check on a mightily pissed off Dawn as of late, and discovered that she made a wish to a woman she'd never met before. In addition to discoveries of the day, Anya, feeling quite claustrophobic, discovered that Dawn had become quite the thief when she tore the girl's room apart, already figuring that she had something to do with it. But Spike sort of diffused that little argument by pointing out they were still trapped in the house. Buffy, attempting to deflect the attention from her sister as well and how it wasn't completely her fault, told Anya that Dawn made a wish.

"Halfrek. This is all Halfrek. Hallie, get your ass down here!" Anya yelled. The vengeance, I mean, _justice_ demon showed up, and was immediately stabbed in the chest by the demon that'd been hiding in the walls. With the help of a furious Anya, Buffy and Spike stopped him. Buffy immediately broke the sword once the demon was trapped inside it again. Halfrek got up from her "flesh wound" and looked around at the party goers. She took one look at Spike, and asked, "William?"

"Hey, wait a minute." Spike said. Hallie, all the while, was primping herself when she knew for sure that it was the William she once knew.

"You _know_ her?" Buffy asked, a bit of jealousy creeping in.

"Um, nah." Spike said, tempted to goad her, but decided against it. He could be mature, you know.

"No, no." Hallie said with a girly giggle, still primping a bit.

So anyway, long story short, Hallie was going to leave them trapped in that house, that is until she realized that she was trapped as well. She lifted the curse and left with a "Dammit."

Spike, sensing the youngest Summers desperately needed alone time with the oldest Summers, left with the others to give them a bit of privacy.

The night after the birthday debacle, Spike found himself waiting up for Buffy after work by his tree. Then he realized that she wasn't getting off till late, so that really put a damper on his plans. He was wondering if he should visit Dawn, and see how she was dealing with everything. He began looking up at the stars, thinking about nothing in particular, when she showed up.

"You know, it's kind of pointless for you to hide over there. I mean, I can _feel_ your presence." She said, rounding the massive tree trunk and standing in front of him.

"Well, I wasn't exactly hiding, was I?" He said with a grin, embracing her. Buffy sighed regretfully.

"I can't. Not tonight. Tonight is sisterly bonding night, and Dawn's waiting on me."

"Well, the night's still young, innit? Speaking of, why are you back so early?" He asked, grabbing her coat collar, leaning in to kiss her.

"Spike, I'm serious. And I told the manager that I had a family situation that needed my immediate attention." Buffy said, attempting to walk around him with a little grin on her face. He took her hand and pulled her back towards the tree.

"I hear you're serious. And so am I. I want you… you want me…" Spike backs her up against the tree, and Buffy resists him no longer. She greets him for the kiss eagerly, thinking how much better it is to have him in her arms, even if it is only briefly, as opposed to lying up at night and reading his poem over and over till she fell asleep. Though she wasn't sure she'd get tired of that anytime soon… Spike pulls her back and towards the ground after their lips meet hungrily.

All the while, the man in the van grips the steering wheel tightly as he watches in disgust the pair's encounter…

Spike, in need a good, stiff drink, headed to the local demon bar by the docks. He was sitting there at the bar, minding his own business, having a glass of fresh cow's blood and a shot of bourbon when he was accosted by a Grylak demon. He looked more or less human, accept he was terribly hairy (well, furry as it was), and he had all pointed canines. Though for all his fur, he still had a shiny bald spot in the middle of his noggin. At least he wasn't trying a god awful comb over. Kevin was his name, and Spike had seen him around a bit. Seem to be a good guy, well, demon. Wasn't much of a trouble starter, you know?

"Hey Spike. How's it goin' man?" He said, taking the empty barstool next to Spike.

"S'alright." Spike said offhandedly, finishing up his cow's blood.

"Say, um," Kevin said, leaning in towards Spike and speaking in a low voice. "I've a sweet deal going on. Gonna make me a lot of money, man."

"Is that right?" Spike said, not interested.

"Yea. Can make you a lot of money too, if I could get some of your expertise." Spike was a tad interested…

"How much money?"

"Well, I'm supposed to get twenty-five. You help me pull it off, I'll give you… five."

"Five hundred?" Spike said, looking at him closely.

"Five thousand." Kevin said with an impish grin.

"Is that right?" Spike asked, terribly interested.

"Yea."

"And why, pray tell, would you give me one fifth of your profit?"

"Cause if I don't get your help, I get nothing. And I know I can trust you. Some other demons would try to screw me for sure. Most of it is surely better than none of it."

"Come on. Let's take a walk." Spike said, leaving money for the bartender before getting up to leave. Kevin followed behind him.

"So," Spike started once they were outside. "This kind of money… It can't be legal."

"Dude, it totally is. Well, in the demon world, anyway. You see, there's these demon eggs-"

"_Demon_ eggs?"

"Yea. And there's this group of demons. The um, Scitzu clan. Ever heard of em?"

"Yea, I have. Thought they were more prone to-"

"South America. Yea. See, these eggs, their Suvolte demon eggs. They're nearly extinct."

"Yea. So?"

"Well, the Scitzu clan are like… demon activist. They're trying to help. I managed to come across some Suvolte demon eggs, and um, they were interested."

"Mmhmm. And how, pray tell, did you come across these eggs?" Spike asked skeptically.

"Hey, is that something you really need or want to know?" Spike raised an eyebrow at him in response. "Hey, trust me, man. It's all on the up and up. I just need someplace to stash 'em for a few days. I get my money, you get your money. The eggs go to a good home where they can grow up to be good little demons… No harm, no foul."

"But these Suvolte's are… a bit volatile."

"Yea, cause they're raised to be. I'm tellin' ya man, these Scitzu's… they're like demon saints, if there is such a thing. They'll know what to do."

"And you're absolutely sure there's nothing nefarious going down?" Kevin shrugged his shoulders.

"As sure as I'll ever be." Spike thought it over, and how much of five thousand dollars could pay off Buffy's bills and debt. And hey, it all seemed… not bad.

"Yea. Okay. Meet you at Restfield in an hour?" Spike asked.

"An hour exactly." Spike nodded and headed off. Kevin watched him go before going in the opposite direction to a nondescript black van. One of the back double doors opened as he approached. He stepped inside and sat down across from the man.

"So, everything go according to plan?"

"Yea. He bought it. Now, you promise you aren't going to do anything to hurt Spike, right?" Kevin asked, taking the money from the man's outstretched hand.

"Affirmative. That was apart of the deal, wasn't it?"

"Um, yea. Later." Kevin said uneasily, leaving quickly. The man sat back and smiled sinisterly. Everything was going to plan.

"Oh no. I'm not going to lay a hand on Spike." He said with a chuckle.

A/N: Sorry for being a bit redundant for "Older and Far Away," but I couldn't just skip over it completely...


	17. Rash Decisions

**Thanks to kargrif and brooklyn09, and to anyone else who reads this fic, even if you are remaining silent about it.**

A/N: Okay, here is the ep that I've been looking forward to as well as dreading to rewrite. In fact, this may have been the ep that pissed me off so much as to start this fic in the first place. Before we get started, I would like to share with you all an excerpt from an essay by the lovely theohara that helped me "see the light" if you will in regards to the episode "As You Were." Perhaps I should've posted this at the end, but I thought it imperative that this part be read. It's only three paragraphs, tops.

_Theohara Essay Excerpt_

"After an interlude to discuss Buffy's meaty reek, we're back at Revello, where Spike pops out from behind a tree to ask Buffy for some lovin'. They then get their naughty on right there in the front yard, because heaven forbid Buffy let Dawn down by having sex with Spike in her bedroom; it's far gentler on little Dawnie's subconscious if she happens to wonder what's taking Buffy so long, looks out a window, and sees her sister takin' it from the undead against a tree.

Moreover, wasn't Buffy _just_ in the graveyard? If we needed a Spuffy sex scene here, why didn't they get horizontal on a tombstone or something?

Instead, here they are, boinking like bunnies in a well-lit area next to the mailbox in front of God and the neighbors and...

And hey, wait... what _terribly interesting_ camera angles! _Why_ do we keep looking at this scene from way the hell down the street, like we were some sort of former Initiative member who'd come to the first place he'd think of to look for his ex-girlfriend?

Did I say that out loud?

And Riley _doesn't_ show up at Revello, does he? Doesn't come by the Magic Box, doesn't go to Xander and Anya's, doesn't knock on Giles' darkened door. Nope, straight to the Doublemeat.

How'd he know she worked there?

Man, it's like he's been following her or something…."

ssssssssssss

And on with the fic…

It was still early, about ten, so there weren't a lot of people in line to get in just yet. It was only about twenty people. No big deal. Although, it was getting a bit chilly out, and her tank top, though trendy and sexy, was doing nothing for her arms. She called out to Craig, the other bouncer on her headset.

"Craig, can you come up front for a minute? I gotta run back in for a sec."

"Sure thing, Buff. Gotta run to the ladies room?" He asked teasingly.

"Ha, ha, Craig. Just hurry and get your ass up here. I'm freezing!" She said, rubbing her arm with her free hand, the other holding the button for the headset.

"Alrighty. On my way, blondie." Craig was a large, tall, ball headed black man. Reminded her a bit of Ving Rhames. As muscled as he was, she could still hurl him clear across the room. But he was cool beans, and could hold his own of course. He got to the front a minute later, and Buffy gave him a smile before heading inside to the back room. Just as she was about to leave, she was accosted by her boss- Chris Greene.

"Buffy, I've been looking for you. Apparently you have an emergency situation?"

"Oh god. What is it? Is it my sister?"

"I'm not sure. There's some guy in my office. Says you're needed right away. You're free to go if it's really important."

"Take me to him." Chris nodded at her before turning around and heading to his office. Buffy was preparing herself for the worst, when she was nearly blown away by shock when she saw none other than Riley Finn sitting down in the chair across from Chris's desk.

"Riley?"

"Hey." He said a bit sheepishly, standing up.

"Riley?" She asked again, alarmed and deeply confused.

"I'll give the two of you a moment. And Buffy, if it truly is a situation, an emergency situation, then I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Chris said as he closed the door, knowing that Buffy could handle herself as well as trusting her judgment on the importance of the situation.

"Sorry to just drop in on you like this, Buffy."

"It's you." She replied blankly.

"It's me."

"You're here."

"I know."

"And ... were you always this tall?"

"Look, this isn't the way I wanted it. But something's come up, something big. We don't have much time. You understand?" She nodded.

"Not a work you've said so far."

"Right. I should have known, anticipated. You're working."

"Apparently, if it's an emergency, I can leave. Is it? An emergency?"

"I want to explain, I just don't have time. I've been up for 48 hours straight tracking something bad, and now it's come to Sunnydale. I know that I'm putting you on the spot, showing up like this, but ... but you know, here we are. I need the best. I need you, Buffy. Can you help me?" He asked sincerely.

"Yea. Sure. It's what I do." She said, putting on her coat and heading out. Riley, sighing in relief, followed her out.

""Look, I'm sorry this is all so sudden. You know, if we get a minute, I'd really like to sit down..." He stops as something on his belt begins to beep. He grabs it and looks at it.

"What is it?"

"Suvolte demon. Rare, lethal ... nearly extinct, but not nearly enough."

"It's close." Buffy said before laughing.

"What?" He asked.

"Sorry. It's just ... you still carry around all that James Bond stuff. It's so cute! I forgot." Riley put the device away, all the while giving Buffy a look that said "Take this seriously."

"Sorry. Carry on." She said in an imitation of a commander's voice. Riley gives her a nod and resumes walking down the street.

"We've been tear-assing through every jungle from Paraguay up, taking out nests. As soon as we put one Suvolte down, a dozen take its place. They're breeders, Buffy. One turns into ten, ten becomes a hundred. This gets out of hand and there's a war with humans? Humans are gonna lose."

"So they're like really mean tribbles." She further explains based on Riley's questioning look. "Sorry, I've been dealing with these, these geeks, it's…it's a whole thing." The sound of a demon growling above them interrupts them. They look up and see (what Buffy thinks) to be a cross between that Alien in "Alien and that mutant turtle from "Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles," the one involving the ooze. It's across the street knocking over some newspaper vending machines. As people scream and run away. So far, it wasn't attacking anyone.

"You ready for this?"

"Yes please."

ssssssssssssssss

"Come on, Kevin. It's been two bloody days already, and those eggs don't smell exactly fresh. How much longer before those Scitzu's get here?"

"They should be coming tonight Spike. Just chill out, man. You sure they're safe at your crypt?"

"Well, yea."

"Don't you think you should be there?" Kevin said, attempting to get him to go back there under that guy's orders. Tonight was the night apparently.

"Bloody hell. Alright. But I want those soddin' eggs outta my place tonight. Can't bloody sleep in my own bed cause of the smell. Least it's not as strong upstairs, but still bad enough." Spike said before heading back to his crypt. Kevin just looked on nervously, touching the second payment in his pocket comfortingly. He just wanted everything to turn out alright. And money, of course.

ssssssssssssssss

"Know where we're goin'?" Buffy asked Riley as he sped down the road in his big, black, SUV.

"Got an idea. The tag's on-line. We'll find it." He glanced at the GPS on the dashboard, following the moving dot.

"How's your arm?" Buffy asked in reference to the wicked slash across it. The demon took a swipe at him when Riley attacked him. A hit in defense…

"It'll heal. How you doin'?"

"Complicated question."

"I just meant- "

"I know."

"I hear ya. Got some, uh ... big stories to tell you to. If we ever get half a second."

"Did you die?"

"No."

"I'm gonna win." Riley looked over at her surprised.

"Here." He said, handing her a black, cloth bundle.

"Ninja wear?"

"Battle gear. Lightweight Kevlar, state of the art. I thought it would be better than your club scene attire."

"What a surprise."

"Boys like toys. Put it on, thank me later."

"You won't look?" Buffy asked with a smile. Riley continued staring at the road ahead.

"I'm a gentleman." Buffy shrugged her shoulders as she unfolded the clothes.

"Okay. So ... the black-ops life, it's workin' out for ya?"

"Don't suck."

"They got dental?"

"Yeah, we're covered." He said with a smile of his own. All of a sudden there's an uncomfortable feeling in the air, and Buffy feels a bit guilty. Though she shouldn't, cause nothing was going on.

"You know, there's not many people I'd ask to risk their life for me. It's really good to see you."

"Thanks." Nope. Nothing going on here at all but shop. She thought to herself, looking at the man next to her, and realizing that no, she never was in love him. Cared about him, sure. But not love.

ssssssssssssss

The evening was just chock full of shocks, wasn't it? Riley was married to Commando Barbie, and apparently, they wanted the uber killing, pregnant Suvolte alive. Too bad Buffy had killed it as a wedding gift. Somehow between killing the demon and heading back to her place, Buffy was teamed up with Mrs. Finn, a.k.a. Sam, to scope things out. Riley was out and about checking the typical local places for this demon dealer in town that went by the name of "The Doctor." How could I have not known about a local demon dealer? Buffy thought to herself, thinking she couldn't have been that preoccupied. She didn't work like a horse or anything, she still slayed a bit, and all of her extracurricular activities involved Spike, who knew about the demon community. Spike…

"Say Sam, I know this informant that might know some useful info, but I have to go it alone. He's a bit twitchy around others." Buffy said.

"Cool. I'm guessing Finn needs me about now. He's probably off somewhere gettin' his ass kicked. You know how wild he gets." Actually, no I don't Buffy thought to herself. "Don't worry about Rye and me, we're good." Buffy watched her for a moment before walking in the opposite direction to Spike's place.

Dammit, it wasn't fair. Riley got to prance around, living the perfect life, married, showing his love for the whole world to see. Buffy wanted that. She didn't want to keep things in the dark anymore.

"Wait, gotta focus on business first. Think about the job." She thought aloud, heading to his crypt.

She walked into his crypt, seeing him sitting on the sarcophagus reading a book. Probably poetry. Spike loved his poetry. He looked up at her with a warm smile that she returned.

"Buffy. Hey now." He greeted, putting his book down and standing up. "If I'd-a known you were coming, I'd-a baked a cake." He said, silently observing her… different attire.

"Trying something new?"

"Huh?" She asked, not sure what he was talking about.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work? Playing hooky, are we?" He said with a smirk. Buffy walks over to stand in front of him, pulling off her black gloves.

"I need information."

"Well, suppose I could be helpful. If the price is right. I accept _various _kinds of currency." He said with an arch of his eyebrow.

"I need to find a guy. Dealer. Calls himself The Doctor." She said, advancing on him.

"Human?"

"His traffic isn't."

"Clock ticking?" Spike said in a seductive tone, advancing on her as well.

"Whatever he's doing, he's doing it soon." Spike looked her up and down ever so slowly.

"Soon but not now?" Buffy just looked at him. The look… He couldn't put a name to it. Part sadness. Part passion. Part… that something he couldn't figure.

"Tell me you love me." She said quietly. Spike looks at her, surprised.

"I love you. You know I do." She stepped closer to him, wanting to say it back… but she couldn't. Damn it, she didn't know why.

"Tell me you want me."

"I always want you." He whispered. "In point of fact- "

"Shut up." Buffy moved as if to kiss him, but instead she hooked her hand around his neck and pulled him down onto the coffin-couch. She laid down on her back with Spike on top of her, all the while unbuttoning his shirt. Spike pulled at the fastenings on Buffy's bulletproof vest. She stared up at his face, pushing the partially unbuttoned shirt down on his shoulders, using it to pull him down for a gentle kiss. She hoped it said all of the things she couldn't.

ssssssssssssss

Spike felt as I things were different. She was… she was there, with him. There was a moment where her eyes were shiny, wet with tears, but she didn't cry. No. She just looked at him, and he didn't know what it was that was different about now. It was surprising, much like that first time, but still quite different. But really, who cared? He would give her whatever it was that she needed, and try his damnest to give her what she wanted. What wouldn't he do for the woman that he loved with his entire being? They made love until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

They awoke to the sound to the creaking noise of the crypt door opening. Spike sat up first, seeing Riley in the doorway with a grim expression. _So, that was where she got that outfit from. Slayer's been running around with white bread tonight._

"Well, well. Looks like the tin soldier is back in town." Spike said, sitting all the way up. Buffy, attempting to cover herself with one of the blankets, got off of the sarcophagus searching for her clothes with an "oh god."

"I don't normally use the word 'delicious,' but I've gotta wager this little tableau must sting a bit, eh? Me and your former? Must kill. What can I say? Girl just needs a little monster in her man." Spike said with utter satisfaction. Riley stepped a bit closer, holding his enormous gun.

"That's not why I'm here, _Doctor_." Buffy head whipped up at that, staring from one to the other in shock, mouth agape. With another "oh god," she walked away to another part of the crypt to get dressed.

"Here, I thought we'd run you out of town, mate." Spike said, ignoring what Riley had just called him. "Last time I saw you, if memory serves, you were getting the juice sucked out of you by some undead ladies of very questionable reputation." Spike sat up on the coffin, naked with his knees pulled up and open, making Riley averted his eyes. "Now why don't you be a good tin soldier, and…" He finished with a "piss off" gesture with his hand.

"Where are they…_Doctor_?" Spike arched an eyebrow at him as he put on his pants.

"Where are what and why do you keep calling me that?"

"Glad to be back in Sunnydale. The locals all speak English, and I know who to beat for information. It's all brought me here."

"Brought you here for what? You look a bit uptight, crew cut. I hear a bit of prune juice can cure that problem right up for ya." Spike said with a smirk.

"Nice. That's very distracting. Now tell me, before I get unprofessional...where are the eggs, Spike?" Riley said, getting closer and pointing his very large gun at Spike.

"Eggs?" Spike said with scoff. "You're off your nut. It must be those drugs they were keeping you on. I did warn you."

"Okay. We can do this the hard way, or we can do this the fatal way." Riley punched Spike in the face, just as Buffy reappears, fully dressed. "Where are the eggs?"

"Lay off, Riley." She said, pulling him back from Spike and stepping in between them. "Look, the Doctor, it can't be Spike."

"No need to defend me, luv." Spike said quietly. Buffy just glared at him, damned pissed off if it was true.

"Look, i-it can't be, okay? He-he's too incompetent. It's just Spike, Riley." She finished, all the while Spike glaring at her.

"Right. Deadly...amoral ...opportunistic. Or have you forgotten?" He asked quietly. Spike just smirked at him, while Buffy glared at Riley. She turned away.

"I'm taking this place apart until I find that nest."

"Over my dead body."

"I've seen enough of your dead body for one night, thanks." Riley uses the barrel of his shotgun to shove Spike aside. As he passes, Spike grabs his shoulder.

"No, you don't- " Spike started, knowing that he couldn't stop him. Knowing that Riley would find those eggs that Kevin should've picked up hours ago. Knowing that he wasn't going to see one red cent of that five thousand dollars. _Damn it_. Riley just shoved him back, causing Spike to stumble against a pillar. Riley started down the ladder to the underground part of the crypt.

"You coming?" He called up to Buffy. Buffy looked at Spike mournfully, and Spike looked back at her, hoping she would stop this madness, knowing that he couldn't defend himself or his home against Finn. She turned away from him. Spike swallowed worriedly.

"Oh, this is… it's unconstitutional, is what it is. Here! There's nothing down there to see!" He called out to them, putting on a shirt before heading down the ladder after them.

Buffy hurried after Riley as he moved through the underground rooms.

"Riley, look, I'm not saying that he's good, okay, I'm just saying that he's not completely bad. He isn't capable of something as-" She stopped as they rounded a corner and came upon the demon eggs. Buffy felt her heart drop. The eggs were about the size of beach-balls but brownish-grey and scaly. There are at least ten, possibly more.

Riley cocked his gun.

"I can explain." Spike said, coming up behind them.

"We're gonna need more weapons. Spike screwed up. You didn't keep 'em frozen, did you ... _Doctor_?"

"You can stop calling me that any time. If I may, the thing of it is, I'm holding these for a friend, who-" Buffy punched him in the nose, furious for his seeming betrayal. He fell down on his butt, his nose bloody.

"No more games." She said, looking down at him. Spike got to his feet, furious.

"Well, that's bloody funny coming from you! No more games? He just waltzes into town a year later, and you just eat up every word he says, don't you? Didn't you break up with him cause _he lied_ to you in the first place? I may be a lot of things, Buffy, but I never lied to you."

"Can you shut him up?"

"Not so far." Spike, utterly disgusted and hurt, leaves. He went out to look for Kevin, knowing that he had to have something to do with this. Soldier boy set him up, and Kevin, the bastard, helped him. Of course, Kevin was nowhere to be found. Skipped town, he did. It was just as well.

Spike got back to his crypt a few hours later, only to find his place, his home, in ruins. The entire lower level where his bed, half his wardrobe, and some of his personal artifacts were, were blown up to smithereens. He stood there, looked at the rubble, kicking it a bit with the toe of his boot, and came to a decision. A hard one, but one that had to be done. He heaved a sigh when he heard her come down the hole.

"So, she's back. Thought you'd be off somewhere snogging with soldier boy." He said disdainfully, turning to face her.

"He's gone."

"You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm glad he came, believe it or not." Buffy just looked at him with a confused expression on her face. "Yea, you heard me right. You see, with Finn being here… It showed me something. Opened up my eyes, ya know what I mean?" Buffy still looked confused, but Spike pressed on.

"You see, it proved to me that you'll never believe in me. No, of course not. Why should you? I'm just a soulless, demon after all. A demon who nearly every other soddin' demon in this town despises because I fight on your team; a demon who dumpster dives and sometimes doesn't have quite enough to pay off kitten poker debts. A demon who constantly worries over his… pseudo girlfriend's debts, and wants to lessen her load a bit because he _loves_ her. Trustworthy, I think not." He gave a bitter laugh.

"Spike, I-"

"You know," he cut her off. "If I was really this Doctor, I should've known my business bout those eggs, huh? That they should stay frozen, otherwise, the little demon babies would hatch and eat the first thing they see, which in this case would be me or you, or both of us. The only weapons I have here are stakes and a shotgun. In addition to that, I'd have to have connections up my ass to pull off a deal like that. Think, Buffy. When you came in, what I was I doing, huh? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Why? Because _nothing_ was going on." Buffy just stood there in silent shock.

"I really had been holding those for a guy. Gave a B.S. story that I believed, I'll admit it, cause all I could think of was the money I could get for you. Everything really did seem to be _not _chock full of evilness. But what does it matter? Riley comes riding back into town on his noble steed, and you were just aching to fall into his soulful arms, weren't you? This whole thing is just… terribly pathetic. It's apparent to me now that I'll never be able to fill the shoes of anyone with a soul. I'm just not that important to you. You'll never believe in me." Buffy stepped closer to him at that.

"Alright. I made a mistake. But you know what? It's partially your fault I had that relationship with Riley to begin with. Sure, I liked him alright, but I never would have thrown myself headfirst into it if I wasn't obsessing about getting over 'lips of Spike.' I didn't think it was normal, thinking about you in that way, even though Willow too is partially to blame for that… But Riley had been 'Mr. Normal,' and I wanted to not be thinking about my mortal enemy. And the kissing… and the fondling… and how good and comfortable it all felt being in your arms... I wanted you, and it felt scary and wrong. At the time."

"But obviously, it still is wrong. To you. And I can't… I can't be like this, Buffy. Not anymore." Buffy felt her heart speed up.

"What are you saying, Spike?"

"I'm saying, Buffy, that whatever this is between us… I can't do it anymore. I just can't. I give up." He said hopelessly, walking away from her into one of the darkened cave tunnels, not waiting to hear what else she had to say. Buffy just stood there, mouth agape.

"But I love you, William." She whispered. No one heard her.

Buffy went back to the upper level in a daze. She made it outside of the crypt into the sunlight before she dropped to her knees and dry heaved. She felt as if her organs had collapsed in on themselves as her heart exploded. It was such a physical thing, the breaking of one's heart. How she wished she could rip her heart out, it hurt so much- too much. She cried out in pain and tears streamed down her face. She couldn't take it. She felt incredibly ill.

ssssssssss

A/N:I apologize for the rehashing of Riley scenes. I cut them down as much as humanly possible. I also apologize for Spike breaking up with Buffy, but I swear to you, it had to be done. It'll be alright, I swear. Just have a little faith in me, mmkay?

Once again, thanks to Joan the English Chick for some of the dialogue.

And to the fabulous theohara and her kick ass essay that everyone and their mother should read, "Captain Cardboard, or How I Learned to Stop Seething and Love 'As You Were'" (although, I will _never_ love it, or like it for that matter). Email me if you want the link for either of those.


	18. Razorblade Kisses

**Thanks to LJ (I know… but Spike always gets his ass kicked one way or another, and I was just sick of it. It'll get better, I swear), and The Poo (I went nowhere- it was all Muse's fault! She took a vacation… sorry bout that).**

"**Razorblade Kisses"**

Spike felt as if he were walking the bleeding Green Mile. His heart may not have beat for the last one hundred twenty-one years, but it damn sure was breaking right then. Crumbling into itty bitty pieces… He only made it several yards into the cave before he broke down, sobbing, bracing himself against the cold, stone, cave wall before sliding down to earthen floor, holding his head in his hands as he wept.

_Bloody hell. I actually went through with it._

"Buffy… I'm so sorry, love." He sobbed to himself. He missed her already.

sssssss

Buffy braced her hands on the ground, gripping the blades of grass as she breathed deeply. But the stabbing pain in her heart, constricting her entire chest wouldn't cease, and refused to be assuaged. Regardless, she fought through the pain, and slowly stood up. With each, slow step she took, the pang seemed to intensify. She decided to run, hoping the burn in her lungs would override the other… It didn't help, but she kept running, tears streaming down her face in the morning sunshine. Even though the Sun's rays should have been comforting, she couldn't help but feel a dead coldness in her bones. Spike had left her, just like the rest. But to be fair, it was provoked. It had been her fault. She pushed him away with her denials, and her hang-ups, and her insecurities. She finally discovered Spike's breaking point. God, how she wished she hadn't.

By the time she reached her home, she felt as if she would pass out on the lawn. Instead, she walked slowly down the walk and up the porch steps. It was almost noon, so she'd have the house to herself for a couple of hours at least. Willow wouldn't be home until five while Dawn wouldn't be home until about four-ish. She would be able to be depressed alone, for awhile. It was comforting and disheartening at the same time.

By the time she made it up to her room, she realized that she was terribly thirsty, but was beyond caring. She collapsed on her bed before the tears started up again. She thought she had been all cried out. Really, she had. But it wasn't that easy. Even though her mind willed her to stop this, attempting to bring on the numbness and indifference, the rest of her refused to listen. So she just lay there, hoping the pain would just go away. Hope was a lying bitch.

ssssssss

She just had to see if they would get back together again; if this would be the point where they'd cross paths, and realize that yes, they were truly in love, and nothing would stand in the way with that. Dawn cursed Jackie Collins for ending the chapter right there, with a big ol' cliffhanger, and skipping the enigmatic romance between Lucky and Lenny until the chapter after next. It was just as well, for she was a bit hungry.

Dawn took her headphones out of her ears and put her bookmark in "Lucky" before putting it on her bed. It might have seemed a bit lame, her opting to go home and attempt to finish reading what was becoming her favorite novel as opposed to going to the show on Staff Meeting Day, but she was just _way_ too enthralled in the novel. It was on the verge of obsession. Her friend had loaned her a book in French class when there was a sub and nothing to do, and she'd been hooked ever since. Jackie Collins was queen.

Dawn got out of bed, gave a quick stretch, and opened up her bedroom door. Just as she was about to walk down the stairs, she heard this… whimpering noise coming from Buffy's room. With a furrowed brow, she turned and headed in that direction. Her sister's door was slightly cracked open, and she pushed on it gently. She saw her lying horizontally on her bed, legs dangling off the edge as her body slightly shook. She then brought her legs close to her body, and inhaled deeply into the pillow she was clutching to her.

"Buffy?" She asked uncertainly, slowly walking closer to the bed. Buffy jerked upwards, wild eyed as if she had been caught doing something she didn't want Dawn to see. Her eyes were red and puffy around the lids, and her cheeks were wet with tears.

"Dawn? What are you doing here?" Buffy sniffed, rubbing at her eyes furiously. It was of no use, of course. Dawn was fully aware that she had been crying a river.

"We got out early and, popular girl that I am, opted to come home. What happened, Buffy?" She asked, full of concern as she sat down on the edge of the bed, next to her. Buffy just clutched the pillow to her again.

"It… it still smells… like him." She scrunched up her brow, troubled, and swallowed deeply. She shook her head slowly, more tears seeping out. "It's all I have… It's all I have left." She whispered. Dawn's eyes grew wide as a cold fear gripped her. She gripped Buffy's arm tightly as her breath hitched in her throat.

"Is… is it Spike? Is he…" Dawn couldn't finish the horrible thought, and looked at her expectantly. Buffy nodded dumbly. Dawn made a sound that was between a gasp and a sob, and began to cry too.

"He's gone. Left me alone…"

"No! He can't… You must've got it wrong. He can't be dead, he just can't…" Buffy looked up at Dawn, confused, and then realized what she meant.

"Oh, no, Dawnie, I… I didn't mean that's he's… He's okay."

"Buffy! Don't scare me like that!" Dawn said, getting up and away from her, standing by the window, attempting to slow her racing heart, and trying not to cry.

"I'm sorry Dawn. I just mess up everything." Dawn just stood there in silence for a moment, letting everything digest. When she finally collected herself, she took a deep breath and headed back towards her sister, sitting back down next to her gingerly.

"He… he broke up with you? Is… is that what—"

"Yes. Riley he…"

"Oh no, you didn't like mack on Riley when he came—"

"No. Absolutely _not_." She replied with a hint of disgust. "Riley… he set Spike up, and I believed him. Spike told me, and I didn't listen. I chose to believe Riley, and Spike couldn't bare it. And he shouldn't have. I should've believed… in him." She said slowly, clearly and quietly, fat tears still rolling down her cheeks.

"Riley? He set Spike up? Why would he—"

"Because he _hates_ Spike, and I shouldn't have trusted him. Riley's a liar, and he ruined… I ruined it. I love Spike so much, but I ruined it. And it hurts so much. It hurts so bad, Dawn." Buffy clutched one hand at the pillow, the other grasping at her shirt towards her heart. "And it just won't stop. The pain… he left me, and I couldn't stop him. I didn't know how."

"You betrayed… him." Dawn ground out, feeling sad for her as well as angry at the same time.

"I did. And I don't know how to fix it." Dawn, taking pity on her, pulled Buffy towards her and held her, as Buffy clutched at her as if she were her last life line.

"You will, Buffy. You'll find a way." Dawn hoped desperately that she was right.

sssssss

"It's been two bloody days since I've seen her. I think I made a mistake." Spike said before downing another swallow of bourbon. Clem shook his head, putting D batteries into his portable CD player.

"Dude, you totally had to do it. She was stripping of your self respect, man! Destroyed half your crib… You had to put your foot down, and show that you had some backbone. You had to show her that you are a man… pire." Clem finished, pushing power and turning on an unknown song for Spike.

"That better not be country _anything_."

"No, of course not. It'll do just the trick." Clem pressed play, and Elton John's "I Want Love" began to filter out.

_I want love, but it's impossible. A man like me- so irresponsible. A man like me is dead in places. Other men feel liberated. But I can't love; shot full of holes. Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold…"_ Spike looked at him with an arch of his eyebrow.

"And this is supposed to help me _how_?"

"Come on, man. Just… feel the lyrics." Spike got up from his comfy chair.

"Yea, I _feel_ them alright. Feel a lot more crappy too." He said, looking at the now empty bottle in disdain. He tossed aside into a corner before getting another one.

_I want a love, won't break me down; won't brick me up; won't fence me in…_

"I'll probably see her tomorrow, you know. At Harris's wedding. She's a bridesmaid." He said somberly, opening the new bottle.

_I want love on my own terms…_ The words were really starting to bother him. Of course he could _want_ one, but he would never _get_ a love on his own terms. He'd be lucky if he got love at all out of her.

"Hey, turn that soddin' thing off." He gritted out angrily, stalking over towards Clem. Clem quickly turned it off before his peeved friend smashed his radio or something.

"Alright; okay. Just thought it'd help." Clem said, grabbing a spicy buffalo wing.

"S'alright… I just need to talk to her."

"Spike, just promise me you won't go groveling. You were right, and she was wrong. Let her come to you."

"Right. I'll wait and let her come to me." He repeated, although he knew he probably wouldn't…

sssssss

Spike contemplated bringing a date with him. As back up, of course. Just in case the Slayer opted to do the same, he wouldn't be alone and would have someone to fall back on. But in the end, he didn't. He showed up alone.

He walked in, cautiously, and saw a whole lot of people (and demons) who weren't apart of the Scooby gang. He walked around a bit through the throngs of people, and finally saw Dawnie talking to a demon. She saw him out of the corner of her eye, and turned to look at him fully. He saw her mouth "excuse me" to the boy before walking towards him. The look on her face was completely unreadable. _Nibblet would be bloody fantastic at poker._

"Hi, Spike." She said evenly.

"'Ello, pet." He said with a nod.

"You look… spiffy. Dress clothes and new boots."

"Well, it is a wedding after all." Dawn looked to the left and right at the people milling about, and he knew who she was looking out for. Her hands were clasped in front of her, and he knew she was nervous. Her face didn't say anything, but her body language spoke volumes. She was… uncomfortable around him. _Bloody hell._

"Dawn-"

"Spike, obviously I don't know everything that went on with you and Buffy. And I feel like… like you should be the bad guy right now, but I just can't… I can't seem to muster up that type of feeling towards you." When Spike remained silent, she continued.

"It sounds like Buffy made a mistake, and believe me, she's sorry for it. But whatever happens, or doesn't happen with you and my sister, I just don't want you to let our relationship become collateral damage afterwards. I don't want you to just disappear. I don't want you to leave." _Leave me too_ She thought silently.

"Dawn, I…"

"I have to um, go do that thing that I need to do." She said, abruptly turning away.

"Dawnie!" She stopped and turned back to look at him. He walked up towards her and gripped both of her arms. "You'll always be my lil' Bit, alright? No matter how old, or tall you get. And no matter how much your sister… hates and or resents me for whatever reason. Got that?" She smiled at him before turning away, still hoping that he'd work things out with Buffy.

Spike gave a sigh as he watched her walk away. He went in the opposite direction, in search of a drink when he saw her. She had that deer caught in the headlights look, but didn't move. They both just stood there, apart from each other, looking. _Bollocks_ He thought, ignoring everything that Clem said and took the first step towards her. He walked to her, eyes never leaving hers, and nervous as all hell. He took a deep, unneeded breath before speaking.

"Hello, Buffy."

"Spike." She said, swallowing deeply. "You look nice." She said, averting her eyes.

"Thanks, luv." _He called me luv… oh god._ "Happy occasion, innit?"

"Yea… happy." She said sadly, looking at him.

"You want me to go?" He asked, damning himself cause he knew he'd leave if she asked him to.

"No. No, I… you have every right to be here. I was wrong. I shouldn't have-"

"No, you were just… God, this is hard." He sighed, looking up at the ceiling, hating himself for not letting her take the blame. Hell, it was her fault. But on the other hand… "You were just doing your job." He finished, kinda sorta letting her off the hook. She shook her head at that.

"Too bad I did such a crappy job at it the other night."

"You look… you look beautiful." He said wistfully with his sexy head tilt. "You glow."

"That's because the dress is radioactive." Spike scoffed at that, and they shared an amused look. The moment didn't last of course, and they both resumed a somber mood.

"I should uh… I should just piss off. Give my best or whatever to the happy couple."

"I will." Spike nodded and turned to walk off.

"Spike?"

"Yea?" He said, looking at her expectantly.

"I know I messed up, but… can we at least be friends?" He gave her a rueful smile at that.

"Don't you know, love? Folks like you and me… never can be friends." _Cause I can't stop loving you, and you'll never let yourself love me._ He thought. "Too much history to ignore and start fresh."

"But… It hurts. I miss you." Spike's eyes widened slightly in shock, but then he remembered himself.

"It happens. But you'll get over it, I'm sure." _A lot quicker than me_ he thought, turning away.

"No, I won't." Buffy whispered, before turning away.


	19. Leading Us Along

Ok, this is terribly annoying. After I sent out all of those emails, _now_ this site decides to work with me... Ho hum.. Anyway, here it is... with a note first, of course.

Thanks to AutumnSoleil (Sorry I took so long), beastie08 (hope you enjoy this chapter too), mindlessmehreen (You _so_ aren't a weirdo- I'm the one who wrote it, lol. Yea, I just wanted to see them on something official and sweet for a change), The Poo (I'm terribly sorry I keep putting you through this horrible agony… But it's never on purpose. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish over winter break. Not making any promises, though), and Sparkle (really? Oh wow… it makes me happy and sad at the same time- happy cause I was able to touch you like that, and sad because you were in public and all. Hope you like this one). And this probably won't show up on this site (a pic), but thanks to whoever nominated this fic (and two others) to the Loves Last Glimpse Awards. I probably won't win, but thanks again ;)

"**Leading Us Along"**

_I've had this empty hole inside. And I'm the idiot that dug it out._

That particular part of the conversation Buffy had had earlier with Xander played in her mind. Unfortunately, she knew _exactly_ how he felt. It was funny how she as well as her two best friends managed to screw up their relationships— she and Xander nearly simultaneously.

_Let's face it; none of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal relationship._

_We're doomed!_

Apparently, being a slayer wasn't the _only_ thing she was destined for. She had also been condemned to an endless sea of failed relationships.

"Why do I even bother?" She asked herself as she walked the familiar cemetery, twirling her stake. And then she looked up, and saw his crypt several yards away. She paused and thought that he was most certainly worth the bother and then some. Even when he was being annoying… Lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice Spike approaching. He stopped when he noticed her, though pretended as if he didn't see her as he put down his grocery bag to take out his lighter and pack of cigarettes.

"You lookin' for me?" He asked with nonchalance, lighting up. Buffy felt something not so pleasant constrict in her chest. She ignored it, though, refusing to let him see her wallowing, even if she _was_ (coincidentally) in his neck of the woods. Not like she was looking for him or nothin'… Yea.

"Really not." She said monotonously, turning away. She may care, but at least she could feign indifference. There was a bit of comfort in that. And dignity. _Had to have some of that._

"Oh. Right then. Off you go." Spike pocketed his lighter, thinking quickly on a way to stall her. He figured it would no longer be a common occurrence for him to be in close proximity to her anymore, being broken up or what all. He had to find _some_ way to spend time with her. So, might as well drag out the brief moments he was given with her, eh? _Even if it will hurt like a bitch._

"Did you cry?" Buffy paused with her back to him, frozen in shock. _How could he know? Was it obvious? Are my eyes still puffy?_ She desperately hoped he couldn't hear her heart race.

"What?" She asked him, a hint of fear coloring her voice.

"The wedding." He clarified. She felt her muscles relax as she turned towards him. "Two hearts joined for eternity- great pelting showers of rice and so forth."

"You didn't hear." She said, walking closer.

"What? Families get out of hand? Tear the place apart?"

"No. Well, yes. Absolutely. But… Xander left. The wedding didn't happen." Spikes eyes widened in shock. He sat down on the bench next to him, hoping she would follow suit. _A full blown conversation was much better than a few sentences in passing..._

"Well. Gotta say… didn't see that coming." He thought he had helped assuage Xander's fears of holy matrimony… _Apparently not_. Not that he should feel bad about it. Harris was a total git. Period. And what right did he have on giving out advice for relationships anyway?

"It was awful. Anya was devastated." She said, sitting down next to him, not leaving much space between them. Not that she did it on purpose. Cause um, the bench was awfully small. Yea. Okay, that wasn't completely true, if not at all. It's just… when would she get another opportunity? Chances were he'd avoid her like the plague or something. She wouldn't have even seen him then had she not been "patrolling" only yards from where he resided at.

"Is that right?" He asked, eyeing her. Wondering what she was thinking. If she thought about him… probably not. _No need to entertain those thoughts, mate. She was probably relieved when I called it off— saved her the bloody trouble._

"They were… they were supposed to be the soothing light at the end of tunnel for me, you know?"

"Instead it was just a freight train, eh?" Buffy nodded solemnly, looking straight ahead. "Can't rely on others for your happiness, pet." He muttered. Buffy glanced at him briefly before shifting her eyes straight ahead again.

"Xander… thinks maybe they can still get back together, but… he hurt her a lot. "

"Yea, well… some people can't see a good thing when they've got it." He said in a matter of fact tone (though hurt and a bit of anger seeped through), looking at her with a steady gaze. She returned his stare, and swallowed once before responding.

"I saw it, Spike. I'm just sorry that I didn't acknowledge it." A brief spark of hopefulness flickered across his face before returning to cool indifference. Buffy saw it before it disappeared, though, and felt a wave of warm hope blossom in her chest. Spike took another drag on his cigarette.

"You admitting there was something to acknowledge then?"

"Of course, Spike. I know that it's late… But I knew I had a good thing." Spike looked down, flicking off ashes onto the grass, mulling her answer over.

"Did you mean it?" She asked him quietly. He snapped his head back up, full attention on her.

"Did I mean what?" He asked, unsure of what she was referring to.

"That we couldn't… be friends?" She asked timidly. "Patrol? Just… just talking, even? Something…" Spike swallowed deeply, looking down at the burning embers of his cigarette. Buffy just watched him, gripping her stake.

"It's… it's too soon, luv." Buffy didn't think she'd hear him call her "luv" again. Of course, it didn't matter. He couldn't stand to be around her, apparently.

"Even this, here—now, is hard. Too soddin'—" Before Spike could finish his sentence, Buffy was up and running away from him.

"Buffy! I didn't say never!" Buffy paused, but didn't turn around. Instead, she collapsed to the ground.

"Buffy?" He asked in a low voice, stunned and a bit perplexed. Buffy!" Spike yelled, running over to her once he realized she wasn't getting up. Just as he reached her, Willow and Xander approached, carrying stakes.

"Buffy?" Willow asked worriedly when she saw her, dropping down to her knees beside her best friend.

"Spike— what happened? Was it a demon?" Xander asked, looking back between Willow kneeling next to Buffy, and Spike, standing there staring, unsure of what to do exactly. He shook his head.

"Not a demon. We were just sitting over there, talking. She got up to leave, and…"

"Dizzy spell?" Xander asked, watching as Willow stroked Buffy's brow.

"No. Buffy doesn't get those. Slayer's never sick." Spike replied, focusing in on her heart beat. It was strong. _What the bloody hell is wrong with her?_

"Cept that one time, Xander. From that flu bug that was going around accompanied by exhaustion from slaying overtime." Willow said, stilling her hand on Buffy's forehead to see if she had a fever. She did.

"Junior year." Xander said absentmindedly. He turned to Spike. "When Angelus…" He trailed off. Spike was well aware.

"Buffy." Spike said in relief as her eyes fluttered open. She sat up slowly.

"Buffy, are you okay?" Willow asked.

"What happened?" Xander asked before she could answer. She dipped her head, eyes fluttering closed again. She put her hands to her head, her face scrunched in agony.

"Oh… no!" She lifted her head and looked around as Xander and Willow flanked her, taking her arms to help her stand.

"Here, let's get her back to my crypt." Spike said, not taking his eyes off of Buffy. She didn't look so well. And a bit…confused.

"It's okay, Spike. I think it's best if we just took her home." Xander said.

"No, guys, I'm okay. I'm okay." She said, bleary eyed.

"Come on, Xander. Help me get her home." Willow said in a tone that left no room for an argument. Spike watched them silently as they walked away.

"Put a little ice on the back of her neck." He called out to them before they were out of earshot. He turned and picked up his bag of groceries, knowing that her mates would take care of her.

"She likes that." He said to himself, shaking his head briefly before walking off. It was only an hour or so later when Harris showed up, telling him that some demon had given Buffy a dose of something, and the antidote was in his venom. Of course the boy couldn't track and catch him alone.

Spike exhaled slowly as he took a sideward glance at Xander with his flashlight and dart rifle as they traveled through the forest.

"So, she's having the wiggins, is she? Thinks none of us are real. Bloody self-centered, if you ask me." Spike said only slightly spitefully. He was immensely relieved that it wasn't something dire, and could be solved quickly. Once he captured the demon, that is.

"Spike, we need muscle, not colorful commentary."

"Yea, yea. Keep your soddin' knickers on. Got a beastie to find for the Slayer, right? After all, it _is_ always about her. Her timetable, her needs, bloody assumptions—"

"Um, you think we can focus for a second? This is kinda important."

"Good to see you're focused on what's important and what's not. Like at your wedding. Oh wait…"

"Don't. Even. Start. Spike." Xander gritted out.

"You made a huge mistake, you know? Bloody humans. Always playing the 'what if?' game; worry about things that may or may not come about instead of livin' in the present."

"You have no _idea_ how I felt."

"Maybe not. But I'd wager I know _exactly_ how you feel right now—like a piece of- " Before Spike could finish his statement, the demon leapt out at them. Xander yelped, attempting to aim the rifle.

"Oh balls. You didn't say it was a glarghk guhl kashma'nik."

"That's because I can't say glar—"

Once again the demon interrupts their exchange, knocking Xander to the ground, simultaneously attempting to kick at Spike, who ducks. During Spike and the demons multiple exchange of blows, Xander manages to fire off two darts into the demon, which were completely ineffective of taking him down. He knocks Xander once again to the ground, focusing on the greater threat- Spike. Spike, incredibly bored with the situation, and also in haste to get the serum to Buffy, grabs the glarghk… yea, the demon from behind and twists its neck, rendering it unconscious.

Once the fight was officially over, Xander got up and walked over to Spike and the now laid out demon. He and Spike stand there panting, looking at it.

"I'm willing to bet _he_ feels like a piece of manure. Get it? I…" He trailed off on Spike's scowl. "Never mind."

sssss

"It's your ideal reality, and I'm not even apart of it." Dawn said angrily, tearfully.

"Dawn, I… I didn't mean—"

"I have to go finish my chores." Dawn said, leaving with out a backwards glance.

Buffy put her hand up to her head, feeling dizzy. How could _that_ be an ideal reality? Stuck in a mental institution for nearly a decade? _No Dawn, Willow, Xander, Spike… no Giles in either place now. _She laughed hard to herself, making the headache worse.

"But Mom…" Buffy closed her eyes, remembering the way her mother's hand had felt on her cheek. She shook her head, refusing to cry.

"It wasn't… it didn't happen. It's not real, that place." She said aloud, attempting to convince herself. The nerds, of course, are attempting to make her crazy_… Crazy by making me believe that I was really crazy and that Sunnydale didn't exist._ But why make up a reality as ludicrous as Sunnydale? Demons aside, why would her own mind betray her, and put her through so much grief? Losing her mom, Giles abandoning her, and just when she thought she had happiness with Spike… And where was she, mentally, when she was dead the whole summer? Nothing was making sense… Nothing was making any sense at all.

sssss

Several hours later after capturing the demon and getting it to Buffy's, Willow finally made the concoction that would make Buffy well again. Spike decided to leave the demon alive (and still chained to the pillar) just in case Willow needed more of his poison. He came out of the basement and headed up to the Slayer's room, hovering in the doorway, a bit uncertain, as Willow began to come out.

"How is she?" He asked, itching for a cigarette, though he knew it wasn't allowed in the Summers' home.

"Make sure she drinks all that. I'm gonna let Dawn know that everything's gonna be okay." She gave Buffy a smile before leaving. Spike remained in the doorway.

"You alright?" He asked her quietly. Buffy grimaced, not looking at him.

"You need to leave me alone. You're not apart of my life."

"Alright. I suppose that's fair, considering I was the one who said I couldn't be around you…" He paused, entering the room slowly. "I just… I just want you to understand that when I said that, it wasn't to hurt you. I just wanted to do what I thought—what I _think _is best for me. On the other hand, I had to make sure you were alright." Buffy looked up at him, frowning.

"You don't care about—"

"You? You're daft if you think that I don't. But we do need some time apart, Buffy. We both need time to suss things out. I hope you understand that." Spike let out a weary sigh as Buffy frowned even more.

"I love you Buffy, but we can't be together. At least, not like this. S'not fair to me if trust is only a one way street." He swallowed, as if he were waiting for something… Whatever it was, it never came. All he got was Buffy's frowning face. He turned and left.

Buffy's face went from a frown to pure anguish as she held the mug up. She paused, then brought it up to her lips. She paused again, staring off into space and pondering. Slowly, she held the mug out, tipping it over the trash can, letting all of its contents spill out. She didn't want to be there anymore.

s

ss

sss

sssss

And… scene! Okay, we can pretty much say that the rest of this chapter ended as the actual episode ("Normal Again") did. Except for maybe that whole bit about "screwing a vampire to feel," cause it was way more than that, and that was really crass for her to say- crazy or not.

Oh yea- and I just couldn't picture Xander saying "shit." It seemed totally OoC.

And sorry you guys for the HUGE hiatus- but this is junior year of college for me, finals and papers… and I pretty much blew that off to update this. I should be working on my final papers, but guess what? I don't care! I'm sick of school, can't wait till the semester's over, and I wanted to thank whatever awesome fan it was out there who nominated me for the Love's Last Glimpse Award. I'm against some tough, bad ass fan fic chicks, so I'm hoping (realistically) for "runner up" in whatever. Either way, it's an honor, and a pleasure to be writing for you guys. I'm taking on two of the biggest eps in Spuffy history in my next two chapters, so please guys, wish me luck. Oh, and review of course.

Until next time…


	20. Déjà vu

_Okay, so I changed my mind. I thought about it, and there simply wasn't enough Spike in "Normal Again." Hope you like…_

**_"Déjà vu"_**

It was about ten minutes down into the tunnels that Spike realized that he hadn't made sure that Buffy had taken that nasty, goopy slop that Willow called the anecdote. _ Had to make sure that Buffy was officially off of the Funny Farm. _

"Bugger." He said tiredly, heading back from the direction from whence he came. He pulled out his pack of mentholated smokes and silver lighter, lighting up a fag with a casual ease that appeared sexy as hell on him. Perhaps that isn't fair to say, for pretty much everything Spike does looks sexy. Go figure.

On his walk back to the Summers' home, he pondered the past events of the last few days. He and Buffy just couldn't seem to stop bumping heads. Sure she was currently insane from a venomous poison, but still… _i And her betrayal with the wanker. /i _It was just incredibly hard to believe that she could be so gullible. _ It must've been something deep down within her, looking for a way out. Couldn't handle a real relationship, could she? Hell, maybe it was just me… _Yes, deep insecurities had finally reared its ugly head again.

Spike pulled his coat over his head as he made a mad dash to the kitchen back door, rushing inside (of course it was unlocked- they never learn) and slamming it shut behind him. Straightening his jacket, he listened, not hearing any noise really on the main floor or upstairs.

"Buffy, help me!" He heard the whelp yell from the basement. Spike opened up the basement door and headed down the stairs. On the middle step, he could see Willow, bound and gagged on the cold floor.

"Red!" He called out to her, leaping over the stair rail to the floor in a fluid motion, reminiscent of a large jungle cat. As soon as he landed in a crouch position, he took a hard hit to the noggin. Buffy decided to go upside his head with a shovel. She hit him so hard with it, it broke in half. It stunned him, but he was still alert enough to kick her in the midsection, clear across the room.

"Always goin' for my head." He muttered, coming up behind the demon (who was about to attack a still bound, but standing Xander) and grabbing him in a headlock. He ran full speed towards the brick wall with the demon still in his grip, stopping short as he released him head first into the wall. It knocked the demon out cold. Before Spike could catch the breath he didn't need, Buffy grabbed him by the shoulders, and threw him to the ground. She then jumped on top of him, straddling him as punched him hard in the face three times in rapid succession.

"I have to get better." She said in a monotonous tone, eyes glazed.

"I know I used to be into this kinda thing. But pet, dementia_ really _doesn't look too good on you." Buffy grabbed his hair, pulling his head up before slamming it down onto the cement floor. All business, she was. Spike was thoroughly dazed now. He had a headache from hell.

_You're a survivor. You can do this. _Buffy heard her mom to say to her. She nodded bravely, grabbing the top half of the broken shovel. She raised it high above her head, the jagged edges aimed directly at Spike's heart.

"Buffy- what are you doing?" She heard Xander ask, but she didn't look at him. She couldn't keep her eyes off of Spike. There was something vaguely familiar about it all… He was laying there, deathly still, and she was ready to stake him, because he wasn't real, and she had to get better, and—

"Katrina?" Buffy said to herself quietly. She remembered the dream, where she staked Spike, and he turned into Katrina— the girl that Warren killed, and tried to blame on her. He tried to set her up; he tried to make her believe that she was a murderer. But she wasn't. And now he was trying to make her believe she was insane. Her arm wavered as her hand dropped the makeshift stake to the floor, her hands shaking. She put her hands out in front of her- they were shaking. She had almost killed Spike, her best friends and her sister. Tears began to pour from her eyes.

"Spike?" She whispered to him. His eyes fluttered, and he turned his head, looking at her.

"Buffy?"

"I'm sorry… I didn't… I'm not well. I'm not…" She trailed off. Spike sat up slowly, Buffy still on his lap. She started looking at her shaking hands again.

"I need help, Spike. I'm all—"

"I know, Buffy. S'alright, now." He said gently, soothingly, attempting to ignore the pain in his head. He took both of her hands in his and placed them down on the tops of her thighs. He then placed his hands softly on the sides of her face, lifting it up just so, so that she could look at him.

"Sorry." He whispered to her. He then quickly yanked her head toward his, ramming his forehead into hers, effectively knocking her out. He let his hands slip to her shoulders, and slowly lowered her to the floor. Spike got up, dragging the demon back over to the pillar and re-chained him. Then he walked back over to Buffy and picked her up, carrying her to Xander's pillar. Once he had effectively tied her to it, he untied Xander before going to help Dawn and Willow.

"How?" Xander asked, stupefied.

"How what?" Spike asked irritably, finished taking off Dawn's rope before going to Willow.

"Thank god you got here, Spike. Buffy was totally out of her friggin' mind." Dawn said, rubbing her wrists gingerly. "It was… scary." She said softly, looking at her immobile sister.

"Thanks, Spike. But then… you were the one who said he'd make sure she drunk that stuff in the first place." Willow complained as she attempted to help Spike untie her feet. He batted her hands away, knowing it would go faster if he did it himself.

"Sorry. Was a bit distracted."

"How, Spike?" Xander asked more firmly, standing behind him. Spike turned once the knots were loose. He stood up and faced the now angry brick layer.

"How what, Harris?"

"How were you able to hit Buffy with no pain?" Spike paused, not sure what to say.

"Well… dire emergency, wasn't it? Guess uh, guess it didn't matter."

"Try again, fang boy. When you first got that chip, you couldn't even point a fake gun at me. Willow, Dawn, upstairs_ now_." He said firmly.

"Xander, you're totally overreacting- he just_ saved _us." Dawn said.

"And Xander… his chip still works." Willow said sheepishly.

"What? What are you—"

"The long and short of it? When we resurrected Buffy, she had some slight molecular changes. Like a molecular tan. Just enough difference that it could fool Spike's chip." Willow explained.

"Even so, he could still hurt Buffy, Will. Gotta get Tara to do a de-invite spell."

"What? No!" Dawn objected.

"Blowing things way outta proportion, Xander. I'm not gonna hurt Buffy." Spike said, body tensed in anger.

"Oh, like how you just didn't ram your head into hers, knocking her out? If we weren't here, you'd probably be making yourself a Slayer snack about now, huh?"

"It's clear you've completely lost it. And I've had enough of crazy for one day." Spike said, heading up the stairs. Just as he was about to open the kitchen door, he heard Dawn make it to the top of the stairs.

"And here I thought you were fond of 'crazy.' Buffy should be perfect for you now." Dawn half joked. He turned to look at her.

"Dawnie, the dating of women past twelve on the crazy clock is more than over for me. I truly did appreciate your sister's sanity."

"Really hating the use of past tense verbs in your sentences. At least, when it's in regards to Buffy." She said solemnly. "When are you going to forgive her?" He gritted his teeth a bit before a look feigning thoughtfulness appeared on his face.

"You know? How about when she finally asks for it? When she shows that she does appreciate me? How about that?" Dawn pouted at his sarcasm.

"That face doesn't work on me, Nibblet. Give us adults some time, yea?" He said, opening the door.

"Time? Well maybe it's time the two of you stop acting like babies!" She yelled to his rapidly retreating form. "I swear I'm the most adult one around here. And technically the oldest." She thought aloud to herself, closing the door.

ssssss

A/N: Yea, so after "As You Were," I've been writing this story as I go along. I don't know what's going to happen next, and I'm terrified at the prospect of disappointing you all… Please let me know how I'm doing, and your opinion of what you would _like_ to see happen next. I'm not making any promises, but as a writer, I am after all, catering to you. However, should the time come where I won't be able to update on this site for whatever reason, please review and leave your email- just in case.

Oh yea- an update to "Here & Now" will be here in the next week…


	21. Bloody Cape

"Bloody Cape"

_ We could be...soon as our needs are fed  
You'll give in to me and the whole heartache  
Makes me feel alive, same typical offering  
And you always knew we make it all the way in..._

_Deftones_

It had been two days since the "Insane Buffy" incident, and she had been preoccupied with her job, spending more quality "sorry I tied you up so a demon could maul you" time with Dawn, and now, finally patrol. As opposed to the last time she went out to patrol, which was in the more than near vicinity of Spike's crypt, Buffy headed to another cemetery on the other side of town. She just needed to clear her head for a bit, be alone, enjoy the scenery… Of course, none of this mattered, for when Spike wanted to seek her out, he always managed to find her eventually.

"Feeling better, I see." Spike commented to Buffy as she pummeled a vamp. He grabbed the vamp's accomplice by the back of his shirt from his perch on a stone pillar atop the cemetery gate. He continued to watch her calmly as she and the vamp traded blows, thinking she was back to her normal self.

"Yup. A hundred and ten percent." She said, blocking a punch to the face and giving a snap kick to the vamp.

"Good to hear. Though I'd wager this one here could give you a bit of the nasty." He said in reference to the one he was holding.

"Well, stake him if you like." Buffy replied, trying to quickly wrap up her current fight so that she could keep moving.

"I would, really. Don't have a stake on me, though." Buffy, seeing her opening, stakes her vamp.

"Toss him down, then. I have more rounds to make. Feeling a bit rusty." Spike looked at her thoughtfully for a moment before pulling out his lighter, setting the vamp's shirt on fire. He let go of him as the flames spread. The vampire's screams of agony were cut short as he turned to ash upon impact on the ground.

"No harm there, Slayer. 'Nough fun to go round." He said with a smirk. Buffy nodded up at him before glancing around at her surroundings.

"Well, I was hoping I could put this off for awhile longer, cause hey, majorly awkward, but I'm sorry for trying to stake you the other day."

"You weren't yourself. No harm, no foul. Sorry for head butting you." He said a bit sheepishly.

"Safety precautions. I get that." They both stared at each other for a moment, unsure of what to say. Buffy, feeling terribly uncomfortable, decided to break the silence. "Well, gotta run. See ya around." She said, turning away.

"See ya." He muttered silently. The uneasiness, the heartache, the mixed signals… Spike decided that he had had enough. Either he had to leave town, or he had to make his feelings for Buffy cease and desist. _Something's gotta change… _

ssssss

Buffy, at home alone in the late afternoon, found that Paula Deen, Jerry Springer, nor Roseanne could hold her attention. No, her thoughts repeatedly drifted back to him… It was beyond disconcerting that she didn't know how to be around him anymore. And painful that she _ couldn't _be around him the way she wanted to.

She was steadily becoming quite tired of focusing on her own personal problems, and headed over to Xander's to focus on his instead. _ Well, it'll certainly pass the time. _Except when she got there, he couldn't seem to stop talking about the one person she didn't want to ponder.

"Xander really, it _wasn't_ that serious." Buffy said to him, getting a bit annoyed with the conversation. "I understand you're looking for any distraction possible since Anya is kinda refusing to talk to you, but there's no need to—"

"No, Buff. It's really not like that. Aren't you the least bit concerned that he can _hurt_ you at a moment's notice?"

"Spike wouldn't do that, Xander." _Hurting my emotions is his forte. _"I am_ not _dis-inviting him from my house!" _Not that he stops by when I'm home anyway—he just waits till I go to_ _work and checks on Dawn… " _He just knocked me out for everyone's protection. And hey- I did the same to you when you were possessed by that hyena spirit or whatever. And I used a _desk_." She pointed out. Xander made a face at her, but didn't have a retort for the statement. He heaved a weary sigh.

"Okay. I just worry about you. You're one of my best friends."

"I know." She said softly. He reached forward and grabbed a beer from the coffee table. He looked at it a bit disdainfully and put it back down.

"Maybe I need to come up with a plan of some kind." He said, changing gears. "I have to get Anya back—I have to be Proactive Guy. Not Sit Around And… Watch the Rest of Your Life Turn to Crap Guy."

"Totally. You should get right on that apology. Followed by much groveling…"

"Buffy, I know this is asking a lot, but do you think you can talk to her for me? Break the ice? Or at least perform a little defrosting action." Buffy groaned a bit, but felt herself giving in once she looked into his eyes. _ Stupid, manipulative brown eyes… _

"Xander, I—"

"I mean, normally I wouldn't ask, but I just thought that maybe she'd listen to you since, you know, you don't have… male anatomy parts. And you know that I didn't mean to hurt her, but she just can't see it, or just doesn't believe me."

"Ugh! Fine… Stop by the house later, and I'll give you all of the details."

"You'll be home?"

"Yea, I got the night off." She said, heading for the door. As she opened it, she paused, looking back at him. "I know you can make this right, Xander. Even if you do need help." She said with a little smile. As she left, her thoughts turned to Anya, and how she must be feeling right now. Betrayed and beyond anger came to mind… The two had never really quite been on the same page in regards to most things, but Buffy felt that now they'd finally have something in common, and therefore things to discuss. Even though Anya didn't exactly know that Buffy had been seeing anyone, let alone Spike.

Before opening the door to the Magic Box, Buffy took a deep breath, and mentally prepared for imminent battle.

"Hi Anya." She greeted over the ringing bell above the door. When she saw that Anya was just finishing up with a customer, she walked up to the roundtable and sat down to wait for her.

"Have an auspicious day!" Anya said in false cheerfulness to the departing customer, who haggled profusely over her wholesale herbs.

"So, Buffy—it's interesting that you were to stop by. I was actually on my way to see you. Very urgent matter you could tell I'm sure—I mean, I was going to close the shop early, well, briefly."

"Yea. I… well, I came by to see h-how you were doing." Buffy said, trying to feel her out a bit.

"How I'm feeling? Hmm… well, do you know what it's like to have your heart ripped out and stepped upon, publicly, I might add, while simultaneously having your hopes and dreams smashed into itty bitty pieces?"

"Well actually, I—"

"Oh, of course you have! Squish, squish, squish. Guys have been running roughshod over you for years." Buffy nodded, pouting, reluctantly agreeing with her. "Aren't you sick of it? Don't you just wish—"

"For the record, Xander's had his heart broken too. Albeit not at the alter."

"Oh right, I should've known- you're on_ Xander's _side because you're only _his_ friend, right?"

"No, of course not Anya. I'm just saying that Xander didn't fully verbalize why he—"

"Abandoned me at the alter on my wedding day? What should have been our _wedding _day?"

"Anya, he's hurting—really badly too. He still loves you. Very deeply. I know for a fact that he wishes he could take it back." _ Damn! At least she used the word "wish." Just gotta get her to use it in the right context._

"What? Proposing to me in the first place?"

"No! Of course not!"

"You don't think he should be punished for what he did? A little torture, perhaps? Don't you just wish that his penis, and the penis of all the guys who ever—"

"I'm saying he's being punished right _now _with his own guilt and remorse. I know exactly how he feels. He knows that he betrayed you. Just like I…" Anya gave her a funny look, wondering if this was somehow going to be shifted to being about Buffy. Of course, she was right. "And—and I know that if that had been me, if I were Xander, that I'd wish that for just one moment I could be one hundred percent honest with the person that I loved so that he'd know that I truly meant how I felt about him. Just_ once_, without holding anything back…" Buffy trailed off, looking down at the table, feeling defeated, and forgetting her mission of "defrost jilted bride" altogether. She didn't notice Anya turn her head with subtlety, mutter "Damn it. Wish granted," as her face changed to that of her demon visage before shifting back again. Anya turned back to face her, looking more than petulant, for Buffy had used up her wish, just not in the way that she wanted her to. Not at all… _And who the blue hell is she talking about?_

"I'm sorry. I'm doing this all wrong." Buffy said, looking at her finally.

"Pft. Tell me about it." Anya replied, sitting down on the bench across from her. Before either could say anymore, Hallie walked in, all smiles.

"Hello Anya, Anya's friend. The Slayer, right?"

"Yea." Buffy said, eyeing the woman warily.

"A um… close friend of William's?" She asked with a saccharine smile.

"_Excuse _me?" Buffy asked, a hint of anger coming out at the woman addressing him as "William." Hallie backed off immediately. She figured she could just ask Anya how William, or Spike as it may be, was doing as of late.

"Never mind. Sorry to disturb you two girls, but really Anya, we've got to go and have ourselves a sit down. Drinks on me."

"I don't know, Hallie…"

"Come on, you! I've got to get that frown upside down. A night off when one of your closest friends should do the trick. Or at least, come out for a couple of hours."

"Hallie, you know that making money is the only thing that I have to look forward to these days. No sex, no prospect of little, pink babies—"

"Anya, this place is practically dead. I mean really…" Hallie trailed off, giving her a "come on" look.

"It's okay Anya. You go on—I'll watch the shop for a couple of hours for you." Buffy offered.

"You sure?"

"It's the least I could do." Anya looked at her curiously.

"For free, right? I mean, since it's the _least _you can do…"

"Of course. Free of charge. I'm doin' the whole 'friend favor' thing. Now shoo—go out." Buffy said. Anya shrugged her shoulders, and followed Hallie out. Once they were gone, Buffy continued to sit at the table, drumming her fingers restlessly on the table top. She supposed she could go in the back room and train for a bit, but upon further thought realized she just didn't want to. It just wasn't the same without Giles pestering her about her form. She began to pout, resting her head upwards on her fist, looking at the door and the lack of customers coming through it. Not that it was a bad thing, of course. Buffy and customer service were almost un-mixy things.

"Looks like it's just gonna be me and my shadow." She said softly to herself with a sigh.

ssssss

Spike had finally come to a decision: since he couldn't bear leaving Buffy or the Bit indefinitely, he decided that a nice, harmless spell of getting rid of his feelings for the Slayer was the only viable solution. Just enough so that he'd still care for her, but his love for her would be eliminated. Then maybe they could finally coexist, and carry on normally. Since he didn't know what would be required for the spell, and didn't feel like breaking into the store later (for later would entail_ more _waiting) to find out what he would need, and the proper book, etc., he entered in through the front door.

"Hey, I need a thing…" Spike trailed off when he saw it was Buffy, and _not _Anya who was in the shop. Buffy eyes grew wide, and felt her mouth begin to form words that she hadn't even had the time to process…

**A/N: Spuffy loving in the next chapter- I swear.**


	22. Phantom Arms

_...Deliver me from my loneliness if...  
...only if you knew I'd fight through hell for you  
despite every ache, bruise and scar you've put me through. _

I think you know what I really miss:

I trust you with my wrists  
because your grip is on my heart:  
Then,  
now,  
and forever,  
but never apart.

Crazyhumanaut

sssss

"Spike! What are you doing here? Not that I mind you being here, because I like to see you, it's just I get so damn nervous lately because I don't know how to be around you anymore. And it doesn't help that you now spend most of your time avoiding me." Buffy finished, looking horribly confused. Spike furrowed his brow, looking at her.

"Um… Yea. Anya here?"

"Nope. I'm watching the shop for her for a couple of hours while she hangs out with that skank ho bag of a friend of hers Hallie, who asked about you, by the way. I mean, who the hell does she think she is anyway? But she wanted Anya to hang with her so that she'd stop being mopey about Xander, not that _that's_ gonna happen anytime soon just cause she has a couple of drinks, cause hey, if it were that easy, I'd have just had a couple of shots after you dumped me, consequently breaking my heart, not that I'm a hundred percent sure you're even aware of that fact- breaking my heart at the time, cause I never said 'I love you,' even though I do love you, and I'm still in love with you in fact. I probably should've said all that sooner, but I was reasonably afraid of doing so. Like Anya said, 'stomp, stomp, stomp all over Buffy's heart without looking back,' only you managed to do that regardless…" She trailed off, looking absolutely mortified. She slapped both of her hands over mouth with a smothered squeak, hoping this was all some god awful nightmare. Spike squint his eyes at her considerably, and he found he was having a severe case of dry mouth.

"You… Are you under some kind of spell?" He asked, because the things that she was saying, for the most part, had to be nonsense. Either that, or she was playing a more than cruel joke on him. Buffy removed her hands slowly, taking her eyes off of him as she stood up from the round table briefly before looking at him again.

"I must be." His heart dropped at that. "I certainly wouldn't be this forthcoming with information otherwise. But I'm not lying about a single thing—this is all me; one hundred percent Buffy. If you could read my mind right now, which is moot cause I'm saying every single thing that's on my mind for some crazy reason or other, this is what I'd be thinking. Now I'm pretty much thinking 'what the hell?'" Spike felt pinpricks in the corners of his eyes at that. _Could she really…_

"Are you saying…. You're saying you were in love with me?"

"I still am." She answered quietly.

"When?" He asked, just as quietly. She took a deep breath as she walked around to the front of the table, leaning back on it.

"Well, I considered falling in love with you when we first kissed at the end of the musical. I loved you when you wouldn't let me go to that jail alone, and you just held me all night... I fell in love with you when you gave me that poem that I read every night until the day after you broke up with me, because then it was too much, and it felt like my heart was breaking all over again."

"Were you ever going to tell me?" A beat as her brow creased in concentration.

"I don't know."

"Do you still love me?" He asked, sadness and a bit of desperation tinting his voice, making it even deeper.

"Always, William." She said softly, feeling her heart race.

"Are you still in love with me?"

"I never stopped being out of love with you." They slowly began to gravitate to each other.

"Do you miss me?" She asked.

"Every second."

"You don't have to miss me anymore, you know. I'm right here, if you'll have me. If you want me. Do you still want me?" She asked still in that quiet tone.

"Buffy." He breathed out, pulling her to him, kissing her deeply as she wound her arms around him, underneath his coat, holding him. They moaned as they held each other tighter still, wanting to sink beneath the other's skin. Buffy pulled away from him after a moment, looking into his eyes that were glassy from unshed tears of relief. He wiped a thumb softly across the apple of her cheek, and it was then that she realized that she had been crying.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I trust you Spike, I do. With my life…" She gasped when he picked her up, setting her atop the table. He pulled her shirt off, desperate for contact with her smooth skin. He pulled down one side of her bra, sucking her hardened nipple into his mouth a "Hmm," making her gasp. She leaned back onto the table, pulling him down with the lapels of his coat with her. He lifted his head, looking at her.

"I missed you. Missed you every bloody day…" He trailed his long fingers down the sides of her torso before reaching down and pulling up her long, black skirt. Buffy brought her legs up, resting the heels of her boots on the edge of the table. He lightly touched her through her panties as she reached for his belt.

"I didn't miss just this. I missed you, Buffy. All of you. And I'm sorry for—"

"No, don't. I know. Can we just skip it? Forget about it? I love you, and you love me, and that's all that counts." Spike dipped his head and kissed her again in response.

"Need you. Need you…" He murmured, as she unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants. She took his erection into her hands, pulling back the skin. He pulled aside her panties, and slammed his way into her slick entrance, making her cry out in pleasure. He paused inside of her, trailing his fingers gently down the side of her face.

"I love you so much, Buffy. I never meant to hurt you, luv. I thought I was alone in that." Buffy exhaled a sigh of relief, slowly thrusting her hips upwards, feeling him sink deeper into her. He slightly nodded as he began to move in a slow, languid pace.

"You're my great love, Spike; the one that changed me for the better; the one that... moved through my soul. And I love you so much. Never felt anything like this."

"I'll never tire of hearing that." He said, briefly closing his eyes at the sensation of hearing her profess her love to him again. He was getting an eargasm.

"I'll never tire of saying it."

"I was so worried, before… That you were merely pretending. I didn't think you wanted me the way I wanted you." He admitted.

"No. I never pretended anything. I was there with you… I'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want you." He grinned a bit at that.

"Didn't always, you know. Want me." She bit her lower lip, grinning at him as well.

"You didn't always want me either."

"Yes I did." He said, his voice that deep baritone again, staring at her, unblinking. She lost her breath for a moment when he looked at her like that, and met him thrust for thrust, urging him to go faster.

"Please, Spike." She pleaded, crossing her legs on his back, bringing her hands up onto his shoulders. He stared into her eyes as he thrust into her without abandon. As much as Buffy wanted to maintain contact, the sensations of him again after so long were too intense, and she threw her head back, gasping and panting as his ridge repeatedly caressed back and forth over the particularly tender spot inside of her…

sssss

"Oh my god." Jonathan said, eyes fixated on the screen.

"Is that the cam in the Magic Box?" Warren asked.

"Oh my god." Jonathan said again.

"What are they… oh." Andrew said thoughtfully.

"Is that the Slayer? And—"

"Spike." Jonathan cut Warren off.

"He is so cool." Andrew said dreamily, mesmerized by Spike. Then he glanced at the others self consciously as he realized he said that bit out loud. "I mean, Buffy's hot too." He said, turning his head a bit as he watched her, mouth agape and eyes closed as the sex god that is Spike pumped into her.

"Dude…" Warren trailed off, continuing to watch intently.

sssss

"Change for me." She told him as she felt herself unbearably close. He scrunched up his brow, but did as she asked, staring at her with golden eyes. Buffy extended her neck out, slightly turning her head to the side.

"Buffy?"

"I just… I know you want to. Just, a little… brief bite." She said, glancing back at him.

"You sure?" She moved her hands to the back of his neck, pulling him down to her.

"Do it." She commanded. He quickly slid his fangs in, taking the barest hint of a pull of her blood before releasing her, growling as she shuddered and cried out, involuntarily tightening around him all over as she came, Spike following her into the abyss.

sssss

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Willow said as she stood up, shocked at what she was seeing.

"I… what is she…" Xander trailed off.

"Eww." Dawn said, turning her back, really _not_ needing the visual in addition to the blatantly clear sound effects already in her head.

"That son of a bitch. Son of a bitch!" Xander yelled, as he watched Spike sink his fangs into her. Xander waited to see no more as he stormed out of the dining room. Dawn looked at Willow worriedly before following him into the living room.

"Xander, really, we aren't even sure what it is we're seeing. Here, let me just—" Willow looked up, realizing she was alone. Just as she was heading towards the living room, Dawn rushed in after her.

"Willow, Xander's kind of lost it. I think he took Buffy's axe."

sssss

"Why?" Spike whispered, hovering over her as she caressed his face with both her hands. The pair both ignored the phone ringing in the background. There was nothing in that moment but the two of them.

"Because I trust you, Spike. I just needed you to see that I meant it." And she did.


	23. Love's a funny thing

Thanks to AutumnSoleil- Sorry this took so long, but RL and a sickly Muse was prohibiting from updating.

_Love is the immortal tie that binds;_

_A delicacy on which I cannot dine._

_The emphatic encumbrance that renders me blind,_

_Making it an entity I cannot define._

_Love is essential to Death's design_

_For through my love given,_

_Makes it no longer mine. _

**sssss**

"Well, that was…"

"Yea." Buffy agreed. "Not meaning to ruin the moment, but we should probably get ourselves together, in case Anya or anyone else decides to mosey on in."

"Mosey on in, eh?" He asked rhetorically with a grin. "Well then, best help the lady dress then." He pushed up on his forearms, moving off of her. Buffy sat up slowly, reaching across the table to grab her top that was hanging on the edge. After she pulled her shirt over her head, she saw Spike pulling out his lighter, preparing to light a cigarette.

"Spike!"

"Wha?" He asked from around the cigarette dangling from his mouth.

"Don't smoke in here." She reprimanded, getting down from the table and walking towards him.

"Slayer, you don't honestly expect me to not have—" He stopped based on the look she gave him. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, heaving a huge sigh.

"Fine. Makes sense, I suppose. I can _shag _in the shop, just can't soddin' smoke in here. No worries. I'll step outside. Care to join me?" She put her arms around his neck with a smile on her face, leaning up to kiss him.

"Yea. Give me a sec, though. I should probably light some incense, or a really fragrant candle." Spike chuckled, kissing her once more before heading out front.

**sssss**

"What do you suppose he'll do?" Dawn asked, as Willow hung up the phone in the kitchen, dejected that neither of the bleached blondes had bothered to pick up the phone.

"I dunno. Rant and rave, maybe. But it shouldn't matter too much. Buffy _is_ the Slayer after all. She can stop Xander."

"Yea. That's true. Did… did you know that they were… That she let him—"

"Bite on her." Willow finished for her with a sigh. "No. But I mean, he didn't seem to do it for that long of a time. And Spike wouldn't… Maybe it was some sort of sexual thing or something? A claim maybe?" Willow said, seriously thinking it over. Dawn frowned, disgusted.

"Eww, do you want me to barf? I'm officially scarred for life now. Let's never talk about my sister and Spike and sex anything ever again, mmkay?"

"Fair enough. Feel like watching a movie? I just bought some double chocolate chunk ice cream and 'When Harry Met Sally' will be on in like ten."

"Kay." Dawn said, heading to the sink to retrieve a couple of bowls. Nothing to worry about—Buffy could handle Xander.

**sssss**

Xander was fuming—just when he thought he could trust Spike…

"'Spike wouldn't hurt me Xander. No worries. He's safe as a cuddly teddy bear.' Right. I knew he'd trick Buffy, going after her blood… Stupid us for trusting blood sucking fiends." Xander approached the Magic Box door just as Spike was coming out. Xander, without a second thought, swung the axe towards the unsuspecting vamp's head. But because of his vampiric abilities, Spike was able to duck down, causing Xander to strike the wooden post instead. Xander gave him a grim look as he tried to dislodge the axe.

"Harris, what the bloody hell are you—" Xander, abandoning the axe, cut him off by grabbing the lapels of his jacket, flinging him to the ground.

"You thought you could just get away with it?" He pulled a stake from the inside of his jacket, preparing to strike Spike in the chest. He brought it upward, and stared him in the eyes. Spike looked bored about the whole thing, which infuriated Xander even more. Just as he was about to bring the pointed piece of wood downward, a firm hand gripped his wrist, stilling it in place.

"I'm gonna haveta ask you to drop that, Xander." Buffy said calmly. Xander watched as Spike grinned lazily at that, rising up slowly.

"But Buff—"

"I'm not asking again." Xander sighed heavily, letting the stake clatter to the pavement. _Well, at least she's alright._

Buffy released him, worry written all over her face as he turned towards her.

"Wanna tell me what that was all about?" She asked calmly.

"Oh, come now, love. It's obvious the brick layer's lost it. Hasn't been quite right since walking out on—"

"Spike." Buffy said, shaking her head in warning. Spike rolled his eyes, but kept mum, taking out his cigarettes again.

"I saw… I saw him _bite_ you, Buffy. He was taking advantage!" He yelled in a quiet whisper.

"He didn't… I asked him to, okay? I _trust _him."

"Even if you do 'trust him,' it was his first taste of human blood in years—_ Slayer's _blood, and you just _expected _him to have _control_?"

"It wasn't his first time, Xander." She said softly. A couple of seconds passed, and his eyes widened in shock.

"You mean he's _bitten _you before?!"

"Wasn't always bites…" Spike murmured before trailing off. Confusion, shock and disgust covered Xander's face as realization dawned on him.

"Oh god—I don't wanna know this; any of this." He said, starting to walk away.

"Xander—I love him." Xander paused, but didn't turn around. "And he loves me back. You said… You said you wanted me to be happy. He makes me happy."

"Yea- not that she should have to justify what goes on between us to you, or anyone else." Spike piped in, standing next to his girl, wrapping his arm through around her waist. She placed her hand on top of his- the one resting on her hip. Xander gave a sad smile at the two of them.

"You're right." He said to Spike. "Buffy doesn't owe any of us… I just worry, okay? And I'll probably never stop. I'm Worry Guy. I love you, Buff. I'm glad that you're happy. It suits you." He gave a small grin. "It's nice that there's an actual relationship that can survive the Hellmouth. Congratulations, you two." Just as he was turning away again, Anya and Hallie began to approach the store.

"Buffy, why aren't you inside waiting to give warm welcomes to customers? And Xander, what are you doing here? And Spike?" She asked in confusion. Then she turned to Halfrek. "And Hallie, I thought…" Anya paused, remembering they had an audience. "_You_ said you smelled vengeance. But the only people here are—"

"Anyanka, never doubt the sense of a vengeance demon, even one's that are… a bit rusty." She said in reference to Anya's renewed power. "I _did _in fact smell vengeance, and I believe it's right before us. At least it was." She finished, eyeing Xander critically.

"Xander? But why—"

"Bit of a misunderstanding." Spike interjected.

"Yea. Seems to be going around these days." Xander said, mournfully looking at Anya. She gave him the (metaphorical) evil eye, of course. "I was just leaving. Just wanted to congratulate the new happy couple before I left."

"Couple?" Halfrek said with disdain. Anya just looked between Spike and Buffy, a bit perplexed.

"Yea. The two of us are a couple of regular love birds, we are." Spike replied, hugging Buffy to him even more. Buffy brought her hand up to rest on Spike's chest, lovingly. No one noticed Xander slowly back away, leaving. Except for Anya, of course.

"I see…" Halfrek said, not looking at all pleased.

"Oh." Anya said thoughtfully, but with a slight furrowed brow. "Bout time, really. Seriously- all of that unresolved sexual tension between the two of you was becoming a bit annoying." Spike quirked an eyebrow while Buffy looked a bit perplexed.

"We didn't have—"

"Oh come on, Buffy. The late night patrols, the sparring, all that quality time in the workplace. Heat, desire…"

"Told you so." Spike murmured to her.

"Plus the guy's clearly been head over heels for you. I just hope it's enough." She said sadly, watching Xander continue down the street. Spike looked at her, following her gaze.

"Love's a funny thing." Anya couldn't have agreed with him more.


	24. Storyteller

_A/N: For...a super long time, I wrestled with how exactly I was going to end this. I mean, I did what I initially accomplished—to fix Spike and Buffy's relationship from the horrible shit pile that canon turned it into. But then, these questions arose: Do I revisit the conclusion of season six? Does Spike get his soul, etcetera, etcetera..._

_And I've decided..._

* * *

"Storyteller"

Greetings, gentle readers.

It is I, Andrew. Feeling bored at the moment, but until my trusty video camera is fixed (because Buffy, um _accidentally _knocked it out of my hands, coincidentally breaking it), I shall be writing to you about the Tale of the Slayer of the Vampyres.

Yes. If you had been watching where my tape left off, then you are already aware of how I turned to the noble side of good at the presence of the Dark Knight. No, my friends, I am not referring to the Dark Knight that is the fictitious Batman, but the vampire, the Slayer of Slayers that is Spike. I was just utterly blown away by his coolness. It was on the night that Warren had his mystical balls, and was in a fight against the Slayer. Warren was winning, that is until Spike, with his mighty boot came crashing down upon him, knocking him to the cold, unforgiving ground.

_Don't you _dare_ lay a soddin' hand on my girl, you gormless tit. _

Can you say "sigh?" It was in that moment that I knew I was definitely on the wrong team. I was so glad when Jonathan realized it too, and now we help Buffy.

Sort of.

Okay, more like house prisoners, but we do get to help out and stuff.

Anyway, it's been a couple of weeks since that incident, and Warren, well...A lot has happened—so much that I don't wish to rehash it again, since I already did on film, more or less. Lots of death, and angst, and near world endage. But, my friends, this part of the story that is one about love, and romance.

Though they went through many trials and tribulations, Buffy and Spike are still together.

But I'm sure you knew that, right? I mean, you have been following along...You must have.

So, where we last left off in this tale of love, there was the big confrontation with the heart of the Scoobies, Xander, and Spike and Buffy. Buffy, standing by her man, um, pire, and declaring her love for him.

Doesn't that just give you the tinglies?

It almost all fell apart, though. Not the part where there relationship was kind of a secret, or even Buffy's best friends witnessing their um…consummation of love on the Magic Box table. I am referring to something much darker, my friends.

Warren sought revenge against Buffy, for ruining his evil plans. He tried to take the Slayer out through non-mystical means, attempting to shoot her in cold blood, but ended up killing Willow's girlfriend on accident. Willow, in turn, went on a dark magic rampage, and filleted and fried Warren, then came after me and Jonathan. I didn't get that part, cause we didn't do it.

Anyway, she nearly killed Spike, Dawn, and Mr. Giles in her quest for death. Spike, valiantly trying to protect Buffy, ended up so badly burned...I didn't know if Buffy was going to be strong enough to stop her best friend, worrying about the welfare of her lover. Spike was on the brink of death, after all.

But the side of good prevailed once again.

Willow's in rehab with Mr. Giles in England, Spike's on the mend, and he and Buffy's relationship is stronger than ever.

I don't know what the future holds for us all, but I do know that it will be an interesting tale as the saga continues.

The End

* * *

_A/N:So…I won't be taking on season seven. I only had one agenda with this fiction (and in spite of the extreme betaing it needs—I wish I had time to clean it up and make it better before it's end, which was long overdue, I know. Sorry), and that was to "fix" season sex and violence, I mean uh, season six, to my liking. My agenda had been to finish this quite some time ago, but I just wasn't sure on the ending. I had been, however, pondering an Andrew ending for quite some time now, and only just got around to cleaning up what I've written several months ago._

_And it's still short as hell, somehow._

_If this is your first time reading this, or if you're rereading it cause you saw it was updated, I sincerely hope you enjoyed._

_And thanks to all who have reviewed--your encouragement and supported was much needed and greatly appreciated._


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